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Originally Posted By: Cld
job,
I am self employed and I am very successful in what I am doing, and through the years I have learned to take advice only from the people that have achieved results and really know they are talking about.


I disagree...

While you might be successful in some areas of your life...

Truly successful people listen to ALL advice, and are smart enough to know the difference....

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Horses and water, everyone.

Cid, what will you do if you discover your wife is having an affair? Statistics and all that.



Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis

Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans

Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK

TRUST THE PROCESS - Cadet

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Cld,

I agree with everyone else. You seem to want to cherry-pick the information that you THINK only pertains to you. Throughout my situation, I listened to everyone. Especially to the advice that I didn't agree with because, guess what? it was what my W believed. Everyone's opinion matters and in some of your responses you are coming off as arrogant.

I believe in the beginning of this string of posts you said your W believed that your biggest problem you needed to work on was...

"Controlling.
That's the main thing I believe.
Which I am to some degree."

I disagree that you're controlling to "some" degree. You're much more than that.

If you're willing to listen and learn, you'll grow and change, if not, then you will remain the same and so will your sitch.


M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

RECONCILED AND WISER
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Jack_Three_Beans,

Nothing, I will wait patiently for the Affair to end.
Actually I think that she already had an Affair that lasted only a few months and now she is single again. She still has the picture of us together on Facebook, and she told my son that "we will get back together only if daddy gets nice", so I have hope for the future.
But again, it took 5 years for MrBond's wife to come back to him so I have almost no expectations right now after only 7 months.

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Have you asked MrBond "Why" his wife came back to him?
I guarantee it wasn't because she came to her senses.



Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis

Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans

Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK

TRUST THE PROCESS - Cadet

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MrBond,

What should I do with the kids?
I keep telling them that their mom is a good person and that I will always love them and their mother no matter what and that I won't look for another girl.
They like that very much and it gives them hope for the future.

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Cld,
I'm sorry you feel the way that you do. Each and every poster is a success story in my books. Why? Because they all have fought long and hard for their marriages. Many of them didn't ask that their spouses divorce them. Some have been separated for a very long time and continue to hold out hope that one day, their spouses will wake up and others have moved forward and created new lives for themselves, not necessarily w/new spouses. We don't have control over whether or not our spouses wish to return...we only have control over how we deal w/the situation that we are in.

Well, Cld, I hate to break it to you, there are hundreds of posters on this forum that do know what they are talking about. Why? Because they have lived it. They know what works and what won't work. They've done the hard work of looking in the mirror, seeing themselves and have come to realize what they need to do to work on themselves. I have devoted 17 years to educating myself on MLC, depression, personality disorders and childhood issues. These issues cross all walks of life and are not specific to one gender, race, financial status or nationality.

Have you thought about the 50% of the marriage breakdown? Your wife isn't the only one that had a breakdown in the marriage. It takes two to make a marriage a success and only one to divorce. Have you taken the time to really think about what role you played in the demise of the marriage? I know you mentioned one issue was controlling. What other issues did she mention? Have you worked on them? I know that you think it's all her, maybe some of her justifications are on target and maybe some aren't, but we all have to sit down and think about those comments and see if there is any validity in what they've stated. If there is, then we have a starting point for the work we need to do on ourselves. Again, I'm not here to point fingers at you, but you do have some hard work to do. Statistics will not bring your wife back...you have a better chance of having your wife return if you do the hard, necessary work.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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job,

I will listen to you as well.
You are very knowledgeable and I do value your advice.

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What do you do with the kids? You can reassure them that their mother is a good person and loves them very much and that you will always love them and be there for them. You don't need to bring up the fact that you are not going to be looking for another woman. You don't know what the future holds and promises such as this don't need to be said to children.

Also, saying such things may very well go back to their mother. Is that what you are hoping? That your children will tell their mother what you said? If so, stop it! Your children maybe getting caught in the middles by telling mommy things you've said and they are little innocent children who don't know any better when telling things to mommy.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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Before I respond, you really do need to read my last post to you. I feel that you owe a feel posters an apology. Everyone hear has gone through the same pain you have. And believe me, some people have gone through much worse than you have. I have seen cases where the WAS had the LBS thrown in jail, left them penniless, abandoned them while they're battling a terminal disease, etc.

Yet everyone comes here to share their stories and offer their help when they can. I would add that some humility would be a good thing.


M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

RECONCILED AND WISER
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