My Wife Walked Out 5

[RSG]

Thanks LT! Yeah, doing a little cooking has been fun. After I get good at a few things I'd love to cook for someone. It's definitely something that has made me happy.

As for today....W text me a bunch of questions this AM. Everything from when is your meeting to are you going to S Dr Appt (weird question to ask) to how was dropoff. She text me while I was driving, so I answered some of the relevant stuff re S and logistics and left the rest alone. I invited her to attend the Dr appointment previously, because he's getting a hearing test. He hates sitting still and moves constantly. I have a feeling he's going to need to be held down, and I'll either need her set of hands to help hold him or her to hold his hand so he feels safe.

She asked me if I needed help with the online Dr. paperwork, and I said no I could take care of it. She sent a sad face emoji. Before, I would make the appts, she would take him and do all the paperwork. I'm showing I don't need her to do that stuff, I can do it myself.

At dropoff, I noticed her hair is yet another color. Just as soon as I'm finding the bronze/platinum color mildly attractive it's gone. In its stead is something that reminds me of a combo of Marge Simpson and Bride of Frankenstein. Or blue/white cotton candy (or candy floss for our English friends). Lol. She had mentioned this AM she felt under the weather and I could hear it in her voice. She was more interested in chatting than I was, asking me if I could give him a shower, telling me to bring an extra shirt for him tomorrow as it's picture day and I'm bringing him in his duds (I'm bringing a shirt and shorts for afterwards).

I've definitely learned I can do everything re S without her help. Is it easier with 2? You bet. But I can do it, and I enjoy doing it. I wonder if that's coming across a little? Who knows, but it makes me happy to be able to take care of him like that.

As I was writing, he stopped me and asked if I'd blow bubbles for him.

[RSG]

Btw I meant I answered the relevant stuff once I got to work...

[albac]

Good work RSG,

Coping with it all on your own and showing your W you don't NEED her are big steps in the right direction in my opinion.

I know my W is surprised at times with how much I do and how I can handle things that stress her out by myself. She never says anything but you know when you can just tell? It's like "you took her and did all that by yourself?" And then it's just like this stare of damn you I can't do that.

This last week I have taken my D2 swimming a couple of times and yes just the two of us it is hard to get everything organized but like you RSG we find a way. My W wouldn't try it because it would be to hard without help.

Anyway I think less and less of day to day things now. I am looking 5 years down the track and where I want to be for my D2 it makes things so much clearer. My W thinks 2 minutes ahead and to hell with the consequences just wing it. I really want to make sure that when my D2 is old enough to decide where she wants to be that it's in my stable home.

Enjoy your day RSG.
Stay strong.

[RSG]

I definitely think she feels something when I say I can handle XYZ that she used to do exclusively. Organization is really hard, isn't it?! YOU have to be ready first, then organize their supplies THEN get them ready! lol

Even in the beginning, W mentioned she couldn't parent without me. I fully believe I could be his parent 7 days a week, although I'd die of exhaustion!

I see what you mean about your perspective. It's all about mindset I guess. I try to think day to day, or else I'll freak out about all the possibilities and lose focus.

Your posts have been great Albac, really thought provoking stuff!

[RSG]

So, this AM W asked for a pic of little guy because it was picture day. Or so we thought. I get there and it's been rescheduled. Once I get to work I decide to send her a picture and she goes nuts about how cute he is. Then launches into a tirade because I contacted a mutual female friend (but who works w/W) and wanted to ask her something.

So, she asks me to ask HER the question. OK I do. I wanted to ask if I had heard correctly in the past that she likes William Faulkner, and if so what book or books she would recommend as I don't know anyone my age who enjoys him like I do. W, of course, doesn't read Faulkner. She goes on to say that this girl is pretty stressed out, her baby is sick and the baby daddy is a little crazy and would be jealous or something no matter how innocuous my contact (ie a man's contact) was.

I make it clear that, although I am sorry to hear that about our friend, I do not appreciate her insinuation that I'm asking something inappropriate.

Lunchtime rolls around. "I'm sorry I jumped down your throat. No excuses, just sorry." I told her I appreciate this, and we end up talking about S school, therapy, etc. May have been too much contact, but we haven't spoken about this in weeks. Once the conversation moves from him, I tell her to have a good rest of the afternoon pretty quickly.

She has started including emojis with a lot of her more docile/friendly texts. And is using my name more often. I did actually appreciate her apology, it was really unexpected. I was all set to let her know, clearly, that I didn't appreciate being spoken down to at pickup.

We'll see what happens this afternoon....

[mvgfwd2]

Too much info. Be more mysterious about what you do.

[Luv1589]

Dear Coconut,
I love that idea ! Boxing up his things and letting him know " it's tough not to have your things when you need them" he may not appreciate it though as the OW already has beautiful home of nice things . He has stated again and again how little he is able to get by with . She also threw out his clothes the last time she threw him out. Perhaps what I could do is box them and then tell him they're ready to go in the garage for storage.I am not sure if it would be better to allow him to store them in the garage are forced him to take them out. If I push to have the items removed,he may feel I am being aggressive.

[RSG]

I know it was a little too much communication today. But I am glad she's seeing the same progress in the little guy I am. Not only am I happy about that, but it means my own instincts are right when I observe him.

Dropoff was fine. Asked if I saw her text about cheap clothes for him at Walmart and I said I'd check it out tonight. Mentioned she'd be going into the Dr soon for them to take a piece of her ear growth and see not only what it is but also figure out how to remove it. "I'll keep you up to date, just because I might not be able to pick him up." Just said ok.

What did bother me though was she said "I'm not going to see you tomorrow, let me give you another kiss." I took off work tomorrow and will be taking him to the Dr, then play and fun all day afterwards. Her not coming is news to me. Asked her previously if she'd like to come to help support S, as I'm almost certain it will be rough. She asked me to change the initial appointment and she'd "make it work." I did so because S would likely do better with Mommy there. Just makes me sad. For every time I see and hear the old Mommy, there are so many episodes like this. She used to take him to the Dr, text me the whole time and be worried about every little thing from his weight being a lb or 2 off, to screaming during a shot, to not sitting still.

Now? She likes shopping for him. I don't mean physically going through stores, although she likes that too. She loves putting stuff in the cart online, picking among thousands of things and getting a dozen packages to open. She'll always include a few things for her of course. She likes buying him toys. And she likes spending a day or two with him. She very seldom expresses regret at not seeing him very often, even though she still wants to know he's ok, how the day before went, will critique my parenting and ask for pictures.

When W and I were talking, S was in her arms and he put out both arms to come to me. Made me happy. Regardless of what she does, I know that when he is at home he is loved, not TOO spoiled and as happy as possible.

[RSG]

So, W texted this AM: You boys have a great day! *Happy face emoji*

Then a couple hrs later said, when you have time let me know how it goes at Dr. Wasn't really planning on anything other than it went fine, but he wasn't able to take the hearing test. It's a listen/react type thing, and he simply can't do that. We got referred to an audiologist. No big deal to me, it is what it is and it's what we have to do to get him evaluated by the city. I felt it was right to tell her, so I let her know. She was freaking out but I said it's not a big deal. She also noted the school continues to complain, and I just said I'd handle it. It really disappointed me she didn't come to the Dr today, as she asked me to change the appt and she'd "make it work." Suddenly, with no explanation, she doesn't want to/can't come. She asks today if she can go to the audiologist, and I say sure.

I've never taken him to the Dr, but it went better than expected. He did great for 30-45 mins, but they saw us 10 mins AFTER the 2 people we got there before, and then his internal alarm went off and he was READY TO GO. Coincidentally, it was about 10 mins before we left lol. Luckily the new Dr made a connection with him. And the nurse who saw us was cute ha.

I've learned I can parent alone. I'm no longer quiet in front of people, embarrassed or anything else. Because it's my son, and I have to parent no matter where he is. I can do about everything myself, and I want to. Whether it's getting him ready for bed, scheduling appointments or talking to his teachers. I like it. Sure I'm exhausted, but I love being a parent. I just get the feeling W doesn't like being a parent like she used to. Perhaps it's burn out, perhaps she wants to play single woman, perhaps it's something worse.

W sent me info about getting him clothes on sale at Walmart online, but we're just going to drive over this afternoon and take a look after lunch.

My soon to be 4yr old is 42lbs and a few inches under 4 feet lol. Kid's gonna be a giant!!

[AndrewP]

RSG - Happy Face Emoji from us here too to a great dad.