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lt0402 #2698567 08/22/16 08:00 AM
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Decent Sunday yesterday. Got up early to go get donuts for breakfast for when D and friend woke up from their sleepover. Big hit w/ the girls. W decided since I was up, she'd also get up (usually doesn't get up until 9:00 on the weekends, vs. 6:45 for me yesterday).

W has not been getting a lot of sleep (went to bed sometime after 3 the past 2 nights) and has been drinking ~1/2 to a full bottle of wine every evening since we went to the beach 3 weeks ago. Also, she's not exercising nearly as much as she had been doing prior to the beach.

I did a couple hours in the yard saturday, so only had to spend maybe 30 minutes doing house stuff yesterday. After that, we did some awkward "family" time as we took it easy b/c of Ds sleepover and her being tired. One thing of note is W wanted all 3 of us to play monopoly together. Haven't done that in months. Unsure why she'd want to do that.

D and I make paper kites and test fly them outside, then do some Frisbee in the yard before dinner. After dinner, we get in some pokemon in the park. Found out from someone else about a great pokemon spot near where I work. going to take D there soon. Had a really good time w/ D.

30 minutes of iPad before bed w/ the 3 of us in the mbr bed. Joking around like nothing is wrong. Put D to bed, W snuggles w/ D for about 10 minutes and I go to bed. Wake up at 1am and there's a missed text from W. Don't check it, but roll around awake until ~2am. Sleep is elusive when your brain is filled with so much stuff.

Check the msg this morning and it's W, "Do you have 2 minutes? Won't be a long conversation". Respond back this am w/ "Went to bed early last night. Chat about it tonight?"

Who knows what she wants to talk about. Could be the L situation. Could be her highlighting we can co-parent and using monopoly game yesterday as the example. Could be her saying she's going to see OM over labor day weekend. At this point nothing would surprise me.

I'm taking the next 2 days off work to take D to a place called Great Wolf Lodge, which is a big water park near us. Just the two of us, and really, really looking forward to the time w/ her. Hoping that whatever W says to me won't put me in a funk for it, so trying to set myself up to handle it.

My boss wants the two of us to make a trip to DC next Monday for a dinner and meeting w/ a big partner of ours. Told W about it today and just got back "Do whatever you want". Tempted to address that but don't believe it does any good, so I'm letting it go. Gave her details, as apparently she feels I haven't been upfront enough about where I go for trips.

Outside of that, I'm resigning myself to the fact that she's setting up to push forward w/ Ls. I worked this weekend to back out of the cold/stand-offish mood that was permeating the house since she went through her spew of lies the previous weekend. She seems to be trying to work her way back into control of things w/ me alleviating that mood though. I think she felt very out of control the past week.

90% chance she's still contacting OM. Still bothers me, though slightly less. Previous 2 Ls believe W may be setting me up to take D and move closer to OM. That frightens me.

Current plan is to see what W says tonight, and if necessary retain an L. Hate taking that step, but I think the risks and lies are too great not to at least start protecting myself. W offered up nothing else on why she opened that CC at the bank last week.

I'm finding that I need to better cement my goals and my plan to get there. Relationship w/ D is going well. Talked to her about that this weekend. D feels I'm keeping my promises and doing a great job of listening to her. D, however, feels like I'm doing a bad job of listening to W and I think that hurts her. I believe she may be feeding off Ws bad attitude around the house towards me, but it could be the past weeks worth of coldness towards W.

Regardless, am working to remove that, though I still can't trust this woman who's now my WW. That fight and seeing her for what she is last weekend really opened my eyes. To some degree I'm happy that I better understand, but extremely sad bc that wonderful woman I knew is not there right now. Strange mix of emotions the past couple days.

Regardless, working to stay strong for Ds and my sanity. Need to find a balance of pleasant but stand-offish w/ W (treat like a houseguest). Also, need to get back into my gym routine (ran 4 mi this am, doing weights this pm) bc that gets me to a steady place and helps me sleep. One day at a time, knowing that getting Ls involved doesn't end this thing. Committed to my family, especially my D, and knowing that if it doesn't work out w/ WW I'll be there for my D.


Me39
M11 : T13
D9
BD 5/31/16
In House S until 6/21/17
Divorced 10/5/18
lt0402 #2698598 08/22/16 08:56 AM
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Originally Posted By: lt0402

Current plan is to see what W says tonight, and if necessary retain an L. Hate taking that step, but I think the risks and lies are too great not to at least start protecting myself. W offered up nothing else on why she opened that CC at the bank last week.


I feel you. I have a meeting with a L today. First one. After I made the appointment I was in disbelief that this is actually happening. Which leads me to, why are we meeting with L's if that's not what we want?
Some day's when I'm upset I think I should just slap her with D papers and be a jerk about it and kick her out of my life. (I think I may regret that though)

That water park looks neat! - There's one not too far from our location. Never heard of it. You are doing a great job at being a better Dad. One thing I read in some parenting book Is that We weren't bad parents, we were just different parents. Everyone and their mom has an opinion of what a great or good parent should be. I have to keep reminding myself that.


Great job taking care of you and your D! you're doing great!


Me(W): 29 EXW: 30
T: 6 M: 2
SD: 10
BD: 04/2016
PS: 04/2016
W officially "seeing" someone 09/2016
W filed 03/2017
Officially Divorced 11/2017
cheesyt #2698677 08/22/16 01:40 PM
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Thanks for the lift Cheesyt, much needed!

I think we have to meet w/ L's so that we're not behind the information curve on this stuff. I believe my W tried to misinform (that's a nice word for it) me about the custody process when she thought I hadn't seen an L yet. She was taken aback when I told her that I had seen an L, and no, what she was telling me was not the way things worked. Stopped the conversation cold.

We need to be informed of the legal stuff, regardless of where we stand w/ our WWs. It seems like there's only downside to not being read up on it. I can thank AndrewP and my IC for really pushing me to get my L visits lined up and it turns out it was great advice.

I do know my true dad skills were lacking, but I also know that's not the case anymore. Every day I feel closer to my D and it's an amazing feeling! I'll give you the rundown on the waterpark after we go tomorrow! Appreciate your support Cheesyt!


Me39
M11 : T13
D9
BD 5/31/16
In House S until 6/21/17
Divorced 10/5/18
lt0402 #2698684 08/22/16 02:00 PM
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Quote:
Unsure why she wants to talk so damn bad after treating me like sh$t the past 3 months.


You are unsure? YOU ARE UNSURE!!

Talk about temptation! I just had to overcome a huge chunk of it myself when I read your post.


It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
sandi2 #2698706 08/22/16 03:20 PM
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Sorry Sandi, having a slow moment. Do you mean she's trying to tempt me through the dress, hair, etc or that she's tempted bc I've brushed her off since our blowup a week ago?

I really have no clue what she's doing anymore. I guess I'll get a little clarity tonight when we talk about whatever it is she wants to discuss for "2 minutes". We will see, but I don't want to get into a lengthy conversation bc I want to get some rest before time with my D the next two days.

Sandi, as always, thank you for stopping by with your thoughts and sorry I'm not following!!!!


Me39
M11 : T13
D9
BD 5/31/16
In House S until 6/21/17
Divorced 10/5/18
lt0402 #2698736 08/22/16 05:41 PM
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You said, "Unsure why she wants to talk so damn bad after treating me like sh$t the past 3 months".

It is frustrating to see men who won't stand up to their W treating them like a POS! Your WW has had no consequences for her continued acts of disrespect. Therefore, she has nothing but contemp.......and you don't understand why she wants to talk bad and treat you this way?

Apparently, you don't understand, or believe, that a woman cannot feel desire....admiration.....and love for her H, if she has no respect for him. She has no choice but to respect him first, before the loving feelings are felt. (Maybe tuck that under your hat for the next M). It's the make up of the female. Don't expect her to be wired the same as men are. None of asked to be this way.......but it is what it is (as many men like to put it).

I dare say every woman will test her H at some point in their R. Do you believe that much? They try a man to see if he is going to be stronger than she is. You might even say, (at least some) will push to see if he has the b@lls to put her in her place. If he doesn't.......then he has signed the death sentence of his marriage. Avoiding her and being passive, is not how a man needs to show his W he has the guts to stand up to her.

The sad thing about it is if a man would call her out the first time his W treated him disrespectfully, or rolled her eyes, stomped her foot, slammed doors, let out a heavy sigh of impatient, told the kids that daddy was dumb, yelled at him, put him down in front of others, or a hundred other ways........it could have been nipped it in the bud right then and her love would have increased ten fold. But, when men coward down under the skirts of their W and choose to be passive, instead of standing up....speaking up.....and commanding respect as her H and as the protector & leader over his family......then what do you expect?

Seriously, if there is no mutual respect, then what do you expect if you allow a person to treat you this way and you don't stop it? Has she had to face any consequences for her bad treatment toward you? You just aren't sure why she wants to treat you badly????

Her lack of respect has killed her love! And, you can thank yourself for allowing it. That goes for any man who thinks he's just going to wake up one morning to find his WW treating him like a respected husband. Respect is much like trust, once it is gone. It takes work getting it back again.


It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
sandi2 #2698737 08/22/16 05:46 PM
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Nice post Sandi! I am glad to read that once in a while for my own good.

lt0402 #2698742 08/22/16 06:01 PM
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At home and packing for the water park trip tomorrow. W is putting Ds stuff together (I'm choosing not to push her to let me do it tonight and start a fight) and I'm getting my stuff. W is in a good mood and talking about how bored she'll be all alone here tomorrow and how she wants texts from us to know we got there, etc. Find myself wondering if she's already made plans to meet OM somewhere. Who knows with her.

Again, W saying she'll be bored and will only have vacuuming to occupy her time. Either she really is going to be bored or is putting on a show. Either way, I'm not going to let it weigh on me and won't do any snooping anymore. Focus is on D, though my worries above show its not fully there yet I guess.

Cannot wait to get out of here with D tomorrow!


Me39
M11 : T13
D9
BD 5/31/16
In House S until 6/21/17
Divorced 10/5/18
lt0402 #2698746 08/22/16 06:15 PM
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Trust is broken. I would get a lawyer to protect yourself and I don't know the laws in your state but not sure what adultery gets you. Where I live you can file for divorce with cause for adultery if you can prove it. I mention this only by your comment of wondering if she is meeting the OM somewhere. I almost hired a PI for my situation but it would have had no legal implications ....check on yours if that is your suspicion.

Your wife sounds a bit like mine in terms of trying to steam roll you alot and treating like a pos. I did stand up to mine during the R but not enough. I do now and don't let her push my buttons...push right back. I would say do the same and dont let her walk on you. Otherwise if things don't turn around for you she will do the same moving forward. Have fun at the water park!


_________________________
Me-48
Spouse-WAW 52
Married for 10 years
D7
ILYBNILWY 7/15
Suspect EA/PA 12/15 No confirmation/denial
She files 1/2016
Working towards the Big D ...still in progress....
lt0402 #2698750 08/22/16 06:21 PM
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Have fun buddy!

And don't text your W once. This is the perfect time to let her see consequences.


Me: 35 W: 32
S: 4
T: 6 M: 4
Physical Separation official: 5/21
Currently: DR/DBing, Focusing on me and son

Cheating on a good person is like throwing away a diamond and picking up a rock.
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