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AndrewP Offline OP
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Buggerit. I just realized that I should have treated the interaction with WW's friend as a temp check and been more positive and pointed out the moving on / giving up aspects.

Oh well - probably no lasting harm done.

On a more positive note - my phone just beeped that WW had shared something on Facebook (need to figure out how to turn that off) AND I DIDN'T CHECK - Just swiped right and removed the notice. If it is important the SIL will let me know. Twitching a bit to know if my mind reading powers would tell me that it was related to me seeing her friend. They do live across the street from each other now. But I will not check


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BD-9-Mar-16
D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18
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dude, you are in overdrive. Slow down. Don't do stuff just to get a reaction from your W. Your last posts are full of your actions to invoke a reaction from your W. You really got to stop doing it.

And no, that was no temp check...

Stay strong buddy...

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So hard not to over analyse everything! I asked the same question about my H asking my D questions about how I was and what I was up to etc. Thought that might be a temp check but it could just be him finding some common ground conversation to have with her.

I think I hate the whole temp check issue it is really confusing and causes hopes to be raised/dashed. From now on I won't question if it is or it isn't until one of the more experienced DB'ers points it out!!


Me - 47
H - 45
D-16
M - 6 years
Separated - May 16

Don't leave me behind can't you see me I'm shining... (Years & Years - 'Shine')
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Andrew... Ya gotta stop with the FB... It is going to drive you crazy. Did you really unfollow her?? If you did, you wouldn't be getting notifications on things she shared or liked. If I were you, in all honesty, I would block her for your own sanity. I did that with zero regret. You live in a small town, anything you do will get back her. People love drama... If they see you doing great, someone will be very excited to let her know.

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AndrewP Offline OP
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Originally Posted By: Vapo
Don't do stuff just to get a reaction from your W. Your last posts are full of your actions to invoke a reaction from your W. You really got to stop doing it.
Vapo - Er - nope. I'm not expecting a reaction from her. Not sure how you're seeing that. Her friend approached ME and I kept the conversation as short as possible. Exposing a bit of the truth at the bakery was intended more to improve my own reputation and I have no expectation that anything there will get back to her. The other rambling about the possible increased risks of discovery of her A is more about Schadenfreude.

Originally Posted By: pinn
Andrew... Ya gotta stop with the FB... It is going to drive you crazy. Did you really unfollow her?? If you did, you wouldn't be getting notifications on things she shared or liked.
pinn - yes I did unfollow her quite a while ago. There's a setting somewhere in Facebook that seems to think that i want to be notified if my wife shares something but her likes I don't know about at all except when we hit the same post. I was giving myself a high 5 for not looking at her share which I haven't done since last Wednesday. It gets easier each day but is still something I struggle with.


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T27, M26
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BD-9-Mar-16
D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18
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Originally Posted By: AndrewP
I also said that I was very confused about her leaving and that she was welcome to come back at any time.

she was welcome to come home at any time.

Is this really truly how you feel? Your W has been off living as a single woman doing lord knows what with OM and youre cool with just letting her waltz in whenever she wants?

Im not suggesting that you stop loving her or whatever. Im not suggesting that you should throw her on the street. I know you have a list of things that you would need in order to R. Lets say she isnt willing to do them? Then what?

My point is that you should stop saying that she can come back at any time. I think you will be much better served personally (such as not feeling like shes dragging you around by the balls) by being "open to a discussion about reconciling" were it to come to that. I think thats a very different mindset from "the door is always open".

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Originally Posted By: AndrewP
To attend "meet-ups" etc where there would be no possible connection with W is at a minimum a 3 hour round trip.


You said you drive to work 2 1/2 hours each way. Theres no decent sized city where you work or in between that you could stop periodically for some kind of meet up? My main GAL events are ~45 minutes from my house, but they are often held near-ish to where I work so I can do that a few times a month without too much trouble.

I would think one late night a week would be doable? Or even renting a motel room once or twice at first to help with the drive might be helpful.

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Originally Posted By: AndrewP

I had a nice dinner last night with my female friend which included a couple of well needed hugs. She had recommended to me the aftershave I wear now (Polo Red) and smiled and sniffed her top to be sure that it smelled like me later. I worry some times that we may be getting in the neighbourhood of an EA and made sure to dial things back so that I didn't get drawn in. We spent most of the evening talking about her life and some of the challenges she is facing. Unsurprisingly we also talked about WW more than I really wanted - she wanted to "get up to date". Just like everyone else she wants me to give up, file for D and move on.


Sounds like this woman has interest in you. Im not sure you should be continuing this sort of activity unless you are ready to move on.

Ive never hugged a platonic friend who then smelled her shirt to see if it smelled like me.........

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AndrewP Offline OP
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Originally Posted By: darknes
Sounds like this woman has interest in you. Im not sure you should be continuing this sort of activity unless you are ready to move on.
Indeed. There have been a few "danger Will Robinson" moments with her like this at least on my end. I actually raised the subject with her some time ago and she assured me that was far from her mind. But yes - while she has been a great source of support and comfort I am keeping my distance a bit farther now and eliminating any emotionally charged discussions. I think that it all started for her from a kind place for a person she admired who was in pain. Geography means that we can only visit on fairly rare occasions - this was the 2nd since BD and I've reduced the email/texting traffic. <Long irrelevant story about the aftershave redacted.>


On BD
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T27, M26
S21, D23
BD-9-Mar-16
D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18
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Andrew, as a woman I can tell you that there are a lot of games desperate women play that can suck you in while they say, "who me? I wouldn't do that, I didn't say that... " etc. They count on the guy trusting what they say. They are all lying Skanks out for what they can get. Who poachs husbands in marital conflict? amoral people, that's who. Is that who you want to spend your time?? They prey on vulnerability. I wouldn't trust anyone who pursues you until you are divorced and you are ready to move on. No judgement here Andrew, I just wanted to caution you that the poachers are up to no good for you emotionally.


Me54 WH48
S18 D16
M 22 T 24
EA-PA-EA 2011-2015
Separated 10/14 - 06/15
BD1 02/14
BD2 05/16
BD3 08/21/16 and began drinking again
Working on me and liking me again


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