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Brian99 #2698525 08/22/16 06:02 AM
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Originally Posted By: Brian99
Rule #10 No spying...I was tempted to buy a GPS tracker for the car. Thoughts? I guess I need to let the affair run its intended course, whatever that may be...


What exactly would you try to learn that you dont already know by using such a device?

MoveFrwd #2698541 08/22/16 06:58 AM
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Point Taken.

MoveFrwd #2698548 08/22/16 07:13 AM
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Originally Posted By: darknes
Originally Posted By: Brian99
Rule #10 No spying...I was tempted to buy a GPS tracker for the car. Thoughts? I guess I need to let the affair run its intended course, whatever that may be...


What exactly would you try to learn that you dont already know by using such a device?


Ive seen it write that there is a difference between "intel" and "spying".

If theres something that you need to learn to prove adultery in some states/countries or something, then by all means, use GPS tracking, voice recorders, whatever is needed to gain the intel that you need for your case.

But if theres no benefit in it from a legal perspective, then I think all you are doing is hurting yourself. If you know theres some kind of affair going on, then I think the tracking and spying will only serve to cause you pain.

MoveFrwd #2698559 08/22/16 07:48 AM
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Originally Posted By: darknes


But if theres no benefit in it from a legal perspective, then I think all you are doing is hurting yourself. If you know theres some kind of affair going on, then I think the tracking and spying will only serve to cause you pain.


It's my understanding Adultery is tough to prove in court. I have enough information to know for myself there is EA/PA.

BTW, I have gone on record here stating I will give it one year. If I cave in and file everyone needs to call me out.

Brian99 #2698653 08/22/16 12:30 PM
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So just to recap. The wife is caught in a EA or PA and wont admit it. Decides at that point all past problems are my fault and wants a divorce. Wants a divorce but showing zero effort in filing paperwork. Gets mad when I tell her I don't a divorce. I have sense learned no good comes of discussing the big D. Continues in the EA or PA. Following the rules and my GAL is being noticed. Just wonder what she has in store for me next. Almost one month in. How do you guys do it....

Brian99 #2698892 08/23/16 09:58 AM
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Not much to report today.Just a tid bit..

One of my guilty pleasures was Facebook. Nothing bad, I just liked to share photos of my family and see what my friends are doing. With my current situation, I decided to deactivate the account a few weeks ago. The problem is Facebook doesn't like to loss users so they find clever ways to reactivate the account. So you think your off and pop, your back on..I finally decided to go with the nuclear options a permanent deletion of the account. 8 years worth of pictures and posts gone. This was a tough decision. But when your at war information is key. Lets say your friends with your wife on Facebook. There's a good chance she friends with her affair partner. Why give the information away for free. It's better to go dark online and make everyone wonder.... smile

Brian99 #2698985 08/23/16 01:21 PM
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Hello Brian99,

I'm so sorry for the situation you are in.

Her plan of how the two of you would be civil and continue to have family time while you live somewhere else is major league cake eating.

Knowing what to do and what not to do at this point is crucial. Feel free to give me a call at 303-444-7004 to discuss how we can best help you determine what to do next.

Cristy
Resource Coordinator
The Divorce Busting Center
303-444-7004


A Divorce Busting Coach can help you save your marriage, even when your spouse wants out.

Email virginia@divorcebusting.com or 303-444-7004 for more information or to get started right away.
Cristy #2699365 08/24/16 06:04 PM
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Hi Brian,
Your wife's behavior is very strange.
Can you tell us more about her childhood please? In particular I would like to know if her parents got divorced, who filed for divorce, how old she was when that happened and any other traumatic experience during her childhood.

Cld #2699376 08/24/16 06:33 PM
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Brian--

Are you in a "no-fault" state? In the worst case, if your W wants to file a divorce, can she make it happen?

Re: snooping -- it sounds like you are certain there is/was a PA. I get the burning temptation to get the details. But I also believe that it's a pathological desire. I think we have more to lose by finding out the details. It's just going to burn you up inside to have the details.

Re: family life post-divorce -- I don't think what your W suggests is necessarily ludicrous. It may be ludicrous for you, but there are all kinds of divorces. Some couples remain unbelievably cooperative after the divorce, going as far as to share an apartment, and take turns coming to the original house. Kind of similar to what your W suggests. It's all about where you two are as a couple. For me, I couldn't do it. It would just be too hard for me emotionally to have my daily routine enmeshed with hers, to see her all the time.

My two cents.

It looks like you did everything very well from the beginning. I respect that. Most of us screw it up for a few months, before getting our heads screwed back on. Sorry for the reason you're here, but glad you found the forum.


Me: 50, MLC/WW 45
Young kids
Nov 2015: BD1
Apr 2016: BD2
Jan 2017: W filed
Feb 2017: D final
Cld #2699802 08/26/16 08:23 AM
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Originally Posted By: Cld
Hi Brian,
Your wife's behavior is very strange.
Can you tell us more about her childhood please? In particular I would like to know if her parents got divorced, who filed for divorce, how old she was when that happened and any other traumatic experience during her childhood.


CLD, thank you for note. I agree the behavior is odd. I search every forum and can't find a similar situation.

To answer your question, my wife grew up in a third world country with extreme poverty. At one point in her childhood they were homeless. Somehow and with a little luck she beat all odds and got a ticket to the US. She had a rough time at first being alone in the U.S. The parents are still married but there's a weird dynamic in the family I can't put my finger on. I heard a new event could bring up bad past experiences setting off a chain of events. If it has anything to due to mental illness she would never it admit. If it's an early MLC or EA/PA maybe I can wait it out.

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