It's my wedding anniversary today! So, my aim is to get through the day by being busy at work, going to the gym, getting in my food shopping, having a really relaxing bath and trying no to think about anything else.
It's an endurance test, and I can endure!
M 45 W 52 SD22 S9 D8 BD 6 April 2015 Not living together 4 Dec 2015
Huddy, I'm going to wish you a happy anniversary because even though things aren't going so well, it is still a day to remember and there were many good times in your marriage.
I think the things you mentioned that you were going to do today are good. Maybe a nice lunch/dinner or a nice quiet walk, etc.
There is always hope in any situation. We just have to have some faith in ourselves and the man upstairs.
Continue to move forward, one step at a time, one day at a time.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
2 years after BD and I still believe MLC is real. The vulnerability a person feels at certain stages in life coupled with life events, the modern economy, alcohol and drugs and people who could care less about sleeping with a married person....one or all of these behaviors can be a catalyst that results in the extreme situations on this board.
As times goes on I have also realized that MWD is advising us in a gentle way to save ourselves because you just can't know this person you thought you knew. The trajectory has changed so much and the spouse in crisis doesn't have skills or courage to stand with you in their marriage. After the crisis subsides many people just take an easier path. Tragic but true.
I had a friend that entered into an affair with a coworker who pursued her during a vulnerable time. Her H was upset but he never had a chance because he couldn't be the new love. Friend married coworker and years later she admitted she loved her first H but it just seemed easier to leave. I asked if she were happier with this H but she also admitted that she thinks so but then confessed that she would never be able to know because she was comparing herself to what she felt at the end of her 1st marriage because that was her last memory. She was uncomfortable making this admission and I doubt her first H will ever know. It was very tragic but helpful to me.
One step at a time, one day at a time. Sending you good karma my friend.
M:25 years at BD w/ 2 daughters BD: 5/14 Separated 6/14 - H moved cross country w/OW D Final 9/17
“I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it.” ― Maya Angelou
Thanks for looking in. Work and gym done for the day (it's 1850 here in the UK) and my shopping is coming soon. Bath water heating up and I've gone and got some ice cream to celebrate.
Onwards and upwards.
M 45 W 52 SD22 S9 D8 BD 6 April 2015 Not living together 4 Dec 2015
well done on getting through the day - I know how it feels. You wonder what your spouse is thinking but then wonder why? They must be crazy to leave you Have strength buddy and like the others say, keep putting one foot in front of the other.
M 10, T 18 M: 36, W: 35, D: 8, S: 6 EA: Oct 12 ILYBINILWY: Jan 15 BD: Aug 15 Separated: Sep 15 Miss you: Jun 16 Aug 16: Dating (!) Oct 16: Selfishness returns... currently: disgusted
It's as if she really hates the fact that the kids have fun with me. Yesterday, we had a full day of fun planned and W called about 1800 to tell me she wanted to come for D as she'd lost her glasses and they needed replacing. Although it's my weekend, I agreed on a Time for Sunday (1100) and got my D ready accordingly. S was staying with me until about 1700, so I planned something to do.
W texted at 1105 to say she was 'popping to the shops', and she eventually pitched up at 1200. I didn't reply to the text, or get annoyed when she arrived. When she did arrive, she wanted to take the kids overnight bag with her and I gave her S's coat as well. She asked why I didn't want it and I said 'because it's not going to rain' (he had his hooded fleece anyway, and the sky was blue and I'd seen the weather forecast) so, she snapped and said 'yeah, like you'd know'. She always says these things just as she's leaving the flat door. It's as if she's looking for a reaction to prove she's 'won' before she goes. Again, I decline to comment.
I texted her to make her aware we'd be back at 1600, ready for her to pick up S at 1700. She eventually pitched up at 1830, as if nothing has happened. It's hard not to give her a stern word about her actions, put I don't know if I should. She's plainly trying to pull my strings, but I don't want to play the game. I don't want to come over as a pushover, but I don't want her to feel that she is inconveniencing me. Actually, having more time with the kids is good. I just feel she's trying to goad me. Rope pulling I suppose. I think not rising to the bait is a good thing, but I'd be happy for any advice!
M 45 W 52 SD22 S9 D8 BD 6 April 2015 Not living together 4 Dec 2015
Here's another way to look at your wife and her actions. In her mind, she views you as an authority figure (father, uncle, whatever). So when she sees you and your children having fun, she becomes resentful and jealous. Why? Because "dad" and the kids are having fun and she doesn't get to have fun like they do. Don't be surprised that at some point, she will become best buds w/one of the children. They tend to select their best bud based on the child that goes along w/whatever they want and doesn't challenge them. If you want to see some of what your wife may be doing, visit HaWho's threads. Her h has been jealous and sometimes resentful of her two sons. Why? Because HaWho and her sons are living their lives and she is focusing her attention on them. Her h wants attention to, but doesn't know how to go about it as an adult.
As for being late to pick up your son. She's testing your boundaries and authority. If she does it again, gently remind her that the agreed time is such and such. You don't have to tell her that you have anything planned, but stick to the agreed time as much as possible.
Again, she's "teething in her own way", which means she's testing you in some areas. Keep your cool, but you can get your point across over in a nice way w/o sounding like you are cracking the whip at her.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
W called this morning and rang off before I could answer. Decided to leave it as she hasn't called me at work for months. Two hours later, I get a text message about some photos I sent her on Saturday with the kids playing, saying she'd only just seen them (that's nonsense, as you can see on What's App when the person last looked) and then 45 minutes later, another call, which I picked up. She said that she'd done it by accident. One call/text, yeah, three - no.
M 45 W 52 SD22 S9 D8 BD 6 April 2015 Not living together 4 Dec 2015
