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PacLove Offline OP
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Journaling a little... 4 days into Vacation with D, I didn't realise how much of an emotional roller coaster this would be for me... hanging with family is nice but it feels as if one important part of our family unit is missing and seeing the love around me only makes me miss her more.

The homily at Church this past Sunday felt like the pastor was talking directly to me... he preached on the power of prayer and discernment and how we hear yes, then no, then patience... wow!

I haven't really spoken to her at all since travelling other than a few texts to me asking if she could call D.

My emotions have wandered from anger, to loneliness to frustration - wanting a quick end to my situation one way or another. (her back or some finality) This is truly one of the biggest challenges and tests I have ever undertook.


Me: 40 W: 45
T: 13, M: 11
1 D: 9

Suspect A 6/15
ILBINILWY 8/15, and 3/16
EA/PA Discovered 3/16
EA admitted 3/16
W Moved out 4/16
W opens R talk and says A over 1/17
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PacLove Offline OP
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How do you all feel about leaving books around so that W can see them? In the past I've made an effort to hide them. I know for sure to hide DR and DB, but I've purchased a few other books on A's, relationship and separation, part of me thinks they'd be good reads for her but at the same time not sure how she'd react if she were to find them on my book shelf or in our shared Kindle library. If she'd even take notice and read them is a totally different question.


Me: 40 W: 45
T: 13, M: 11
1 D: 9

Suspect A 6/15
ILBINILWY 8/15, and 3/16
EA/PA Discovered 3/16
EA admitted 3/16
W Moved out 4/16
W opens R talk and says A over 1/17
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From the WW's viewpoint? A total turn-off! Way too obvious and unattractive.


It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
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PacLove Offline OP
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Thanks Sandi, will keep them hidden then. Talked to W briefly the other day she sounded very down. Tried to validate her but she was quick to dismiss me. Been missing her and missing the companionship.


Me: 40 W: 45
T: 13, M: 11
1 D: 9

Suspect A 6/15
ILBINILWY 8/15, and 3/16
EA/PA Discovered 3/16
EA admitted 3/16
W Moved out 4/16
W opens R talk and says A over 1/17
Joined: Feb 2016
Posts: 276
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I'm in the same boat Pac, it's been 4 days since I contacted my W and I am looking for any excuse to text her. We gotta stay strong, we are doing this for ourselves.


M:37 W:38
D:11,S:7,S:4
T:8, M:5
S:6/1/15 different beds
Physical Seperation 7/5/16
Startof NC 7/22/16
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PacLove Offline OP
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Been reading a lot about co-parenting lately - and while it seems a good option for the kids it looks like some of what I may need to practice flys in the face of DB'ing.

Have any of you tried to maintain a good co-parenting model? if so what works what doesn't?

I've also read of one or two stories where co-parenting can actually bring a couple back together - we rarely communicated about parenting previous to separation, perhaps now this is a common bond we can build upon.


Me: 40 W: 45
T: 13, M: 11
1 D: 9

Suspect A 6/15
ILBINILWY 8/15, and 3/16
EA/PA Discovered 3/16
EA admitted 3/16
W Moved out 4/16
W opens R talk and says A over 1/17
Joined: Mar 2016
Posts: 386
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PacLove Offline OP
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Been taking a break for a while from the forum, not sure if this is good or bad but part of my GAL - things have been going fairly well..

W is still engaged at arms length, there is not much tension and she does a lot around the house but I'm debating whether to let that continue as I know the A is still going on and she's still pretty clear on her intent to live separate lives. She has a permanent place coming up in a few months to move into, so that will be a real change as we'll have to discuss finances and logistics (things she's not really thinking about).

We had a brief talk last night about what to tell our D (at the advice of D's Therapist) and she said she's not ready to come home and is thinking of telling her 6 months.

I'm debating between going dark/NC and maintaining status quo - happy when she's around but not engaging at all.


Me: 40 W: 45
T: 13, M: 11
1 D: 9

Suspect A 6/15
ILBINILWY 8/15, and 3/16
EA/PA Discovered 3/16
EA admitted 3/16
W Moved out 4/16
W opens R talk and says A over 1/17
Joined: Mar 2016
Posts: 386
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PacLove Offline OP
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So a friend who happened to be over this weekend and know's of my sich commented he noticed a lot of resentment on my part towards my W. Not something I felt I was doing, but perhaps my being short and detaching would appear like that?

How does this bode for DB'ing? it's hard not to feel resentment with the ongoing S and A, but I think it kind of goes against what we are supposed to exude which is being happy, jovial, and aloof... thoughts?


Me: 40 W: 45
T: 13, M: 11
1 D: 9

Suspect A 6/15
ILBINILWY 8/15, and 3/16
EA/PA Discovered 3/16
EA admitted 3/16
W Moved out 4/16
W opens R talk and says A over 1/17
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 12,602
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Sounds like you're just faking it. That's fine in the beginning, but that's only so that you put yourself into the mindset of actually being happy.

I know it's not easy, but it's possible.


M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

RECONCILED AND WISER
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PacLove Offline OP
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MrBond - perhaps you may be right but I don't think I am... I'm trying to be happy and usually when surrounded by D I am. I think it's more being short with her than anything that perhaps gives off the resentment.


Me: 40 W: 45
T: 13, M: 11
1 D: 9

Suspect A 6/15
ILBINILWY 8/15, and 3/16
EA/PA Discovered 3/16
EA admitted 3/16
W Moved out 4/16
W opens R talk and says A over 1/17
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