Not at this point...but any specifics certainly would. I have overheard the first friend going to the Big "D" and the w was validating her friends complaints. And my w became much more easily angered and angered more often after that first D. Then another friend divorced. Each time there was more r deterioration. I believe they are cheerleaders for each other. Don't get me wrong. We've had problems and arguments. But now it seems almost every communication there is degrading comments are made to me. 99/100 from years ago? Almost every text ends with a jab even though it starts out friendly. Even well before the separation I have really dialed back engaging in defense or offense. Yes, what you have said sounds familiar. We need to stay strong together so don't give up. Hopefully the monster will get out of our wives bodies so they can feel the pain and see our change. Thanks for your insight!
Unfortunately, your W having a circle of close friends who are down on H's, the conversations can turn into male bashing. It may seem like a lot of nonsense to a mature man, however, I have not only witnessed it.......I have experienced it.
When you have a W who is unhappy and angry, and her friends are angry at their H's....it is easy for them to feed off each others emotions. I believe that's why your W would be in that angry emotional state after their conversation. You are correct about the cheerleader. These male bashing sessions have the same affect as high school pep rallies before a football game. Her emotions are charged.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I always knew this subconsciously. Great to know it's a fact so the next time I recognize a group of bashers I can toss a flash bomb into their group. Thanks Sandi!
Also, it would be great to have a forum category of only previous WW,WAW, and WAS that we could shotgun questions too?
Oh no, w just texted "we need to talk at some point" If she brings up divorce/split assets....suggestions please? Anyone?
You don't know what she will bring up mate. Don't mind read.
Jabs will continue. Very good analogy BTW. What do you do with a 'jab' in boxing terms? You dodge - or get hit. No need to punch back. Let them tire themselves.
Got it?
Surfer.
M46/W40/D8/S6/T20/M12/Separated 6/2016,W takes kids Issues2009 Wpartying w/g.f's2013on EA2013PAdeniedWleavesMBR ImeetAP/EAhalts VariousBDDates MFCourse WSpew EAresumes I halt Wrages DBIng4/2016
Sandi makes a great point. 'Male Bashing'. It's validation.
Guys don't do this so much. I think because they don't need as much validation. Perhaps if they are WH they do? Not sure??
Sometimes it's about a WS saying "I know this is wrong, but please validate me". It's because they need to be supported in their 'wayward ways'. I think guys, generally speakin, in my experience, are more honest. I have called WH (friends) out on this point before. I.e "No, your actions are bad, I get it, but stop it". I think again IMHO girls need their own self validation (friends of WW) so much more they can't do it so readily. Perhaps because their lioness pride might crumble? IDK Sandi or others might have more of an insight on this?
Personally, it gives the LBH more of a problem. You don't only need to detach from the WW but also her 'pride'.
Surfer.
M46/W40/D8/S6/T20/M12/Separated 6/2016,W takes kids Issues2009 Wpartying w/g.f's2013on EA2013PAdeniedWleavesMBR ImeetAP/EAhalts VariousBDDates MFCourse WSpew EAresumes I halt Wrages DBIng4/2016
yep, I've been doing the rope-a-dope and slipping the punches but some are still getting through. Not the uppercut or overhand right...yet. Prob is I'm in round 1 and I don't know if this is a 10, 12, 15, or 100 round match or last man standing? Need you guys as the coach and cut man for sure. My chin and legs aren't what they once were.
W having probs with kid17. Calling me for support. "Validation Man"! with a big "V" on my cape I was.
Cut Man, Vaseline and Face Iron Man are just outside the ropes ready to dive in. Your legs will be fine. It's your head you need to protect. Keep those arms relaxed, up by your ears when you need them there and defensive otherwise.
Game on! She'll be looking for canvas soon unlike like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz!
Surfer.
M46/W40/D8/S6/T20/M12/Separated 6/2016,W takes kids Issues2009 Wpartying w/g.f's2013on EA2013PAdeniedWleavesMBR ImeetAP/EAhalts VariousBDDates MFCourse WSpew EAresumes I halt Wrages DBIng4/2016
W is hitting below the belt too. Love it. Hey, I was just reading Sandi2 description of WW and WAW. W seems to have both attributes almost equally. Won't leave kids, lots of lies, always angry. Won't go to counseling. Never seen anything positive in the marriage. Blames me for everything. Even the most basic things I do are wrong. Shows hatred in facial expressions. condescension. She's noticed changes but doesn't care. Too little to late.
going on 7 months now. Things seem even worse now than prior to the S? with few exceptions - I've been a pretty decent guy since S. Pursued - but not strongly. She's gotten meaner? Cheerleader friends/family? Looking back. Her attitude really got bad around holidays last year and is full steam ahead.
Possible demeanor change - Super tough career, Menopause, kids leaving home, our R, meds?
