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Cherry Offline OP
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Thanks grl, what do you mean by over the roof? That he would be happy that I've done it?
I'm not ready yet to decide that this is what I want. I do still want to have hope for the M. But I'm also angry at the way I'm being treated. I'm just gathering together my options. I'm hoping for the best, but preparing for the worst. I feel like getting a plan in mind means I would fear the future less. But I will run all of this by my L and see what my options are.

I have no doubt that this will get blown out there anyway, people always have a way of finding things out.

I haven't really snooped or checked up on him, but I did it last night because I heard him arrange to see ow. So I knew it might be an idea to gather some evidence should I ever need it. Maybe I will, maybe I won't. But I'd have some either way.

S still will not go to wh. He tried to get him to come and sit with him today, s just ran and hid from him. Wh left it at that and walked away. So for this very reason I know I need to remain strong. I have to be there as a safe place for my child and keep him reassured that he is very much loved and he is safe with his stable, constant mami.


Me 26 H 25
M 4
T 5
Baby born 4/14
BD: 1/15
EA: 2/15
PA: 4/15
reconciling: 4/15
ILYBINILWY- 11/15
ILY-1/16
ILYBNILWY 4/16
ILY 6/16
ILYBINILWY 6/16
Baby due 3/17
BD 8/16
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Oh it's awful that you have to witness something like that Cherry. We can just about cope with the indifference towards us but when it is directed at their own kids it's heartbreaking. My D's dad, my ex, was awful to my daughter when we split up. Got himself a girlfriend straight away and pretty much ignored her when she stayed with him. Consequently she hasn't seen him since she was about seven and she is now fifteen. They are the ones who will miss out eventually so I do hope he comes to his senses fast as he can never get this time back...


Me - 47
H - 45
D-16
M - 6 years
Separated - May 16

Don't leave me behind can't you see me I'm shining... (Years & Years - 'Shine')
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Cherry Offline OP
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I can't comprehend how people can do that to their own child. Especially when he's always been a hands on dad, I've always had nothing but praise for him because from the moment I was pregnant with my first- he was hands on, feeling the kicks, talking to bump, at every antenatal appointment- you name it he was there, so enthusiastic and excited.

His own dad was a waste of space, he left when h was a toddler, he's never seen him again, and never contacted him. Then his step dad turned out to be an evil abusive man. There's no debating he's had a rough time and still carries a lot of raw emotion.

My s doesn't seem at all phased when he's with me, he's his usual bubbly loving lil man.


Me 26 H 25
M 4
T 5
Baby born 4/14
BD: 1/15
EA: 2/15
PA: 4/15
reconciling: 4/15
ILYBINILWY- 11/15
ILY-1/16
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BD 8/16
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That's the most important thing Cherry, that you can remain the constant in his life so he can be himself but I know how much it hurts to see their own Dad behaving like that.... The hardest thing is trying to stay strong for them while you try and keep yourself from falling apart. They are so selfish!


Me - 47
H - 45
D-16
M - 6 years
Separated - May 16

Don't leave me behind can't you see me I'm shining... (Years & Years - 'Shine')
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Cherry Offline OP
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They are selfish, they're so focused on making themselves happy that they don't seem to care about the trail of destruction that they leave along the way. It is hard, but in a way it's sent me into protective mode. So pretty much all of my thoughts and energy has gone to making sure he is happy and still feeling loved.

These children are an absolute gift. The most precious people in the world, and pure innocent. And I will do my absolute best by them.


Me 26 H 25
M 4
T 5
Baby born 4/14
BD: 1/15
EA: 2/15
PA: 4/15
reconciling: 4/15
ILYBINILWY- 11/15
ILY-1/16
ILYBNILWY 4/16
ILY 6/16
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BD 8/16
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Cherry Offline OP
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Just wanting a bit of advise and to prep.
Wh has text me (still under the same roof....!!) to say that he has spoken to a L and we need to discuss our situation and the next steps.

I still stand by saving my M. I've said this to him before. And while I am still very much annoyed with him and know a lot would need to change. I know that I do not want some fast track divorce happening.

I am speaking to my L tomorrow (he doesn't need to know this). So I know where I stand. And I will ask him about contesting it. I don't want to be bullied into something and have it all over and done with rapid, it's a life changing decision. And it affects an entire family.

I'm not sure how in the best db-ing sense I would answer this. So need some ideas. Obviously I'm not begging him, I'm not crying at him. I'm a little way over in anger for that, and I've been mentally getting my thoughts collecting that this is real and it's happening. I just know how to deal with this convo, and state what I want and how we move forward without me acting on emotion.


Me 26 H 25
M 4
T 5
Baby born 4/14
BD: 1/15
EA: 2/15
PA: 4/15
reconciling: 4/15
ILYBINILWY- 11/15
ILY-1/16
ILYBNILWY 4/16
ILY 6/16
ILYBINILWY 6/16
Baby due 3/17
BD 8/16
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Cherry Offline OP
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The more I seem to find out. The more it makes me question why I am standing for my marriage. I've found out that in an attempt to get his mom to support his decision, he has told her that I've been cheating on him. Whilst pregnant with our first. This is while I was completely put on bed rest, the entire of the pregnancy. While he was absolutely doting on me. And while my MIL spent all day every day looking after me, and taking me in and out of hospital. I can't actually believes he thinks anyone could believe these lies. It actually is the ramblings of a mad person.
It's also very very insulting when I have never even slightly come close to cheating. Ever. But clearly he is now scheming some lies to justify his crazy thoughts. I'm annoyed, but I also know he has nothing on me, as there's nothing to find.

But he literally seems as though he is rapidly unraveling. He really sounds like he is going mad. He looks awful, skinny, withdrawn, tired, pale, drawn out. He doesn't look good at all. And that's kind of hard to see. But I can't help him, even if I wanted to. And he wouldn't want me to.

Still need to prepare for this conversation. Any advise is greatly welcome


Me 26 H 25
M 4
T 5
Baby born 4/14
BD: 1/15
EA: 2/15
PA: 4/15
reconciling: 4/15
ILYBINILWY- 11/15
ILY-1/16
ILYBNILWY 4/16
ILY 6/16
ILYBINILWY 6/16
Baby due 3/17
BD 8/16
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Cherry - the biggest question you need to ask yourself before meeting with your L - what is it that YOU want? Let's assume that even though you don't want it that the D happens. How can you best protect yourself and your little ones and provide for their future?

Depending on the L they may do what mine started to do which was pull out forms and start filling them in. I put a stop to that because I went for advice instead of clerical skills so watch for that too. This may be all routine for them but it's your life and future and that of your babies that is on the line here.

You've mentioned contesting the D - I'd suggest that you decide what that "means" to you - what is it you are wanting to achieve. Your L will perhaps interpret that as looking for a bigger settlement. If your goal is to delay things, then state that as your goal.

Take paper, make notes, ask for copies of things if necessary. DO NOT let WH have them. The more questions you have written down in advance the better - you're paying by the hour for this, make every minute count.

Good luck. You can do this - sending you hugs.


On BD
H52, W50
T27, M26
S21, D23
BD-9-Mar-16
D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18
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Cherry Offline OP
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The settlement is not my goal. I know I'm financially alright with a well paying job and paid maternity leave. I know he will have to pay spousal support and child support. I'm not interested in being the scorned woman of "take him for every penny". Money won't bring me joy. Nor will it keep my family together.

Delaying things would be what I want. I know that my wh may never come back. I also know I don't want him how he is right now. I just don't want this moving full speed ahead.

I'm wondering what I will say with my wh when we sit down to have the R talk he wants. He wants a d, I don't. He's seen his L and looking to move things along. I've already told him that this is not what I want. But he doesn't care, right now he just wants to end things quickly. I don't see how this will be a productive conversation. I know to validate, but still just don't know how I handle this. It will be a conversation of "I want a D" "okay I don't". I just honestly dunno what to say


Me 26 H 25
M 4
T 5
Baby born 4/14
BD: 1/15
EA: 2/15
PA: 4/15
reconciling: 4/15
ILYBINILWY- 11/15
ILY-1/16
ILYBNILWY 4/16
ILY 6/16
ILYBINILWY 6/16
Baby due 3/17
BD 8/16
Joined: Jun 2016
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Cherry

Pale and skinny could be stress.

Is he taking drugs? Have you thought about this?

My WW looked the same. I am sure it was stress. I thought it could have been drugs. But I don't think it was/is.

If it's stress he will look 'mad', 'confused' - drained. How does he look? Has his sleeping pattern changed. This is usually a sign. Is he sluggish in the morning?


M46/W40/D8/S6/T20/M12/Separated 6/2016,W takes kids
Issues2009
Wpartying w/g.f's2013on
EA2013PAdeniedWleavesMBR
ImeetAP/EAhalts
VariousBDDates
MFCourse
WSpew
EAresumes I halt
Wrages
DBIng4/2016




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