Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 5 of 11 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 10 11
Joined: Apr 2016
Posts: 4,227
Likes: 63
A
Member
Offline
Member
A
Joined: Apr 2016
Posts: 4,227
Likes: 63
Cherry - nothing much I can do but send you and the kids hugs. We all care about you.


On BD
H52, W50
T27, M26
S21, D23
BD-9-Mar-16
D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18
I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good.
But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Joined: Jun 2016
Posts: 1,273
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Jun 2016
Posts: 1,273
Exactly. It's all about detaching sadly. The opposite of what you want really...

York is nice the. Again, you've got moss side. smile

Surfer.


M46/W40/D8/S6/T20/M12/Separated 6/2016,W takes kids
Issues2009
Wpartying w/g.f's2013on
EA2013PAdeniedWleavesMBR
ImeetAP/EAhalts
VariousBDDates
MFCourse
WSpew
EAresumes I halt
Wrages
DBIng4/2016




Joined: Mar 2015
Posts: 1,746
C
Cherry Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
C
Joined: Mar 2015
Posts: 1,746
Thanks Andrew. Even though I'm working on my detachment. I'm still angry and hurt that I heard him talking to the ow and agreeing to meet her near her house (so her family don't find out I presume). And the crazy in me wants to text or ring him and call him every name under the sun. And then the other part of me thinks, you're a d!ck. This skank and your "relationship" means more than your family does, so fVck you, and fvck her too!!

And breathe.

And surfer, why yes we do have moss side. Actually not quite as rough as it used to be. Central Manchester is under huge redevelopment. You can't move for craines!


Me 26 H 25
M 4
T 5
Baby born 4/14
BD: 1/15
EA: 2/15
PA: 4/15
reconciling: 4/15
ILYBINILWY- 11/15
ILY-1/16
ILYBNILWY 4/16
ILY 6/16
ILYBINILWY 6/16
Baby due 3/17
BD 8/16
Joined: Jan 2016
Posts: 1,081
P
Member
Offline
Member
P
Joined: Jan 2016
Posts: 1,081
Hi Cherry. You sound like you have gotten to a better place while I was lost in space this week.

It is very difficult to watch someone unravel, but there's nothing at all we can do to arrest their fall. My first sign that something was seriously wrong with my WH (one I didn't register as the major red flag that it was), was that my H started coming home once in a while smelling of cigarette smoke. He lied the first couple times that it was from "standing outside the bar (he claimed he was at a happy hour with coworkers, also a lie, but...) talking to a friend that smokes." Well, eventually I called him on it and he admitted that he had started smoking socially. I was baffled. Why pick up a dangerous habit, but more importantly, why lie about it? I just didn't understand then, but in hindsight it made a lot more sense.

Anyway, that was somewhat midway down in his spiral down into real waywardness. Prepare yourself to see and find out more, Miss Cherry. I hope it doesn't come to pass, but just be ready.

The fluttering feeling must be so incredible. Focus on your son and your little fluttery baby tomorrow whenever you feel a twinge about the anniversary. Whatever else comes of your R with your WH, you have beautiful children, and nothing he does can diminish the joy they bring you.

(((((Cherry)))))


H: 44, Me: 45
Married: 20 y Together: 25 y
no kids
Walk away: 12/15
Asked for temp separation 12/25/15
PA confirmed 3/16 (apparently neither the first, nor the last PA he has had)
H filed for D 5/16
Joined: Mar 2015
Posts: 1,746
C
Cherry Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
C
Joined: Mar 2015
Posts: 1,746
Thanks phoebe for the lovely words. They are truly what I'm focused on right now. After s ignoring h, and h not even trying with s tonight. It angered me, really angered me. The way people describe women as being lionesses that will fight to the death to protect their cubs. Well that is me, a wild Latin lion! And the way he acted like that to s, really angered me. I saw a change in the behaviour as soon as wh left, he was back to happy chatting and playing. I realised my 2 year old is even better at blanking people and blocking them out than I am, he must have inherited that from his father.

He is getting stranger/wilder/more depressed by the day. Taking up smoking, more frequent visits with ow. I'm not crying, I'm just P!ssed off with him.

I must admit, I did snoop and check his location tonight BUT, I had reason. I wanted to get a screen grab of his location at her house, so then I have potential evidence getting stacked together, you know just incase the mood takes me to serve him for adultery, and oooh you know, serve her too and have her pay my legal fees! I'm aware I sound pretty bitter. I'm not, or maybe I am. But the White anger has made a home and I just want to make sure me and my children are taken care of. I did a great research of d L's in my area. The one I'm meeting with Monday is one of the top rated in the entire country. If I mean business, I mean it.


Me 26 H 25
M 4
T 5
Baby born 4/14
BD: 1/15
EA: 2/15
PA: 4/15
reconciling: 4/15
ILYBINILWY- 11/15
ILY-1/16
ILYBNILWY 4/16
ILY 6/16
ILYBINILWY 6/16
Baby due 3/17
BD 8/16
Joined: Mar 2015
Posts: 1,746
C
Cherry Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
C
Joined: Mar 2015
Posts: 1,746
I'm guessing they all find a vice. It takes a lot to deal with pain and try to better yourself productively. We all know there's days of such intense pain that you don't even want to get out of bed. But we fight through it, and work on us- that uses every scrap of strength we have in us.

Waywards however, they cause pain wherever they go. They may cheat, they may lie (wh, check and check), they certainly deny it. I guess they need something to help with the pain, and they simply are too weak- they don't have the strength we have inside to work on us. They take the easy route and start an addiction, the affair itself is one, alcohol, drugs, cigarettes.


Me 26 H 25
M 4
T 5
Baby born 4/14
BD: 1/15
EA: 2/15
PA: 4/15
reconciling: 4/15
ILYBINILWY- 11/15
ILY-1/16
ILYBNILWY 4/16
ILY 6/16
ILYBINILWY 6/16
Baby due 3/17
BD 8/16
Joined: Aug 2016
Posts: 289
J
Jug Offline
Member
Offline
Member
J
Joined: Aug 2016
Posts: 289
Hearing them talking has to be one of the worst. I'm so sorry. Hang in there.


- m and ww in 30s
- s4
- m 11 yrs, t12
-ilybinilwy ~5/16 + request for OM
- bd 7/16, confirm ea and strongly suspected pa
- 9/16 ww claimed to have broken contact with om
Joined: Sep 2015
Posts: 1,965
J
Member
Offline
Member
J
Joined: Sep 2015
Posts: 1,965
Cherry, jmho, but I would say that you should gather evidence for serving them. If skank doesnt want ppl to know about their A, then serving her will expose it to her family. I would love to make her pay for your legal fees.

Your H will probably be over the roof though, I will have to warn you.

Ask your L about this if you're serious about it.


You can call me Dory/ Grl.

As a wise fish once sang,"Just keep swimming!"

It's no use to go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.
Joined: Jul 2016
Posts: 253
B
Member
Offline
Member
B
Joined: Jul 2016
Posts: 253
Revenge fantasies can be fun as long as you don't end up hurting yourself more. I find it a slippery slope and I had to stop or go mad.
You are bouncing back so well cherry. Stay in your zone!! smile


Me54 WH48
S18 D16
M 22 T 24
EA-PA-EA 2011-2015
Separated 10/14 - 06/15
BD1 02/14
BD2 05/16
BD3 08/21/16 and began drinking again
Working on me and liking me again


Joined: Sep 2015
Posts: 1,965
J
Member
Offline
Member
J
Joined: Sep 2015
Posts: 1,965
Cherry, agree that it can be a slippery slope.

You have to ask your L about this. How much effort and how much does it take to serve skank the papers? Is it worth the time and expense? Are you able mentally, emotionally and physically able to do what it takes? How will gathering evidence affect you emotionally?


If you can do this, then I don't see why you shouldn't serve skank.

I really don't see why skank shouldn't be made to pay your legal fees if it's really doable. She is a very big reason why you have to pay any legal fees in the first place.

I feel that this is not revenge. This is about reasonable consequences. She breaks up a marriage and causes you to incur legal fees. If the law can make her pay, why not?

Sweetheart, you know my background long enough to know that I can be rather hard-nosed when it comes to legal issues. I readily admit that it's because I was never given the full options by my L and I feel hard done by them.

But Cherry, I am also not asking you to be obsessed about this option. I only advise you to take this option if it benefits you mentally and financially.

And if after talking with your L, you find that this is not a viable option, then sweet Cherry, you need to stop checking up on your H.

After such a rambling post, the point I want to make is that your snooping must benefit you mentally and financially. If not, it is only a big hindrance in your road to detachment.

I am not asking you to take revenge. Revenge to me is stalking the skank and her family, obessessing about her and hell-bent on making her life miserable. Revenge is setting yourself on fire to get smoke in her eyes.

So dont set yourself on fire but do explore all possible options.


You can call me Dory/ Grl.

As a wise fish once sang,"Just keep swimming!"

It's no use to go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.
Page 5 of 11 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 10 11

Moderated by  Cadet, DnJ, job, Michele Weiner-Davis 

Link Copied to Clipboard