Wife wants to separate at end of school year # 2

[Bhuda1]

Surprisingly I am happy but still lonely. I work out three days a week and enjoy it most when mutual friends comment on my improved appearance. I am keeping very busy at work and spend so much time with my boys, be it in the backyard pool, shooting hoops, helping them prepare for next hockey season by helping them improve shooting the puck.

I wish I could spend more time with my friends but they are busy with their families. I have researched support groups but have no success so I am just being as active and busy. I live one day at a time. Not making any plans. All I have is hope.

I don't know what will happen going forward, I know I have improved myself inside and out and I will have the strength to move on if necessary.

[Natus]

Im in the same boat. Sarting to GAL more but feel more lonely.

I've caught myself making eye contact with women when im out GALing, sometimes thinking i should strike up a convo. Something i would have been completely oblivious to before bomb drop.

[Bhuda1]

Schools out for summer. No discussion what so ever. I don't know how long I can go with the same living conditions. Share same bed, no contact at all. We talk. No animosity. All conversation has been cordial. I really need to know what her plans are. Any suggestions.

[Tofbrks]

Schools out for summer. No discussion what so ever. I don't know how long I can go with the same living conditions. Share same bed, no contact at all. We talk. No animosity. All conversation has been cordial. I really need to know what her plans are. Any suggestions.

jmho- possible that the affair either ea or pa affair ended or went cold. read all through most of your 2 sets of threads and saw no mention of one. is this a possibility / even a gut feeling or hunch? If there is a void for long enough it will be filled with something or someone. Sounds like she wants to keep plan b (you) around because she is unsure of the future without you.I would look long and hard around you for some signs, lord knows i didnt want to. they will be there if you want to see them and keep your wits about you.
my proof was discovered by my D13 so it can come from just about anywhere...pesky itunes backups and imessage syncs...
Just be aware for the possibility and dont rule anything out until you are dern sure!

[Natus]

Schools out for summer. No discussion what so ever. I don't know how long I can go with the same living conditions. Share same bed, no contact at all. We talk. No animosity. All conversation has been cordial. I really need to know what her plans are. Any suggestions.

Our sich is so similar. I too am struggling with not knowing what is up or down. For now i just try to focus on good days, i include the W in my plans if she wants too and so far she follows. At the end of day no intimacy while sharing same bed hurts though.

[Bhuda1]

I have confronted her about signs of an emotional affair. Nothing to suggest a physical affair. i think my confronting her has either made her realize her friendship was an emotional affair and put a stop to,it, or she is more careful in hiding it. I have no proof at this time but my guard is still up.

I think plan b is a possibility. Or mt DBing is working. I would like to think,it as the DBing

[Bhuda1]

It's been a while since I posted anything. I think my w is trying hard to get me to open up the conversation about the marriage. We went camping for a week as a family and had a great time. Still no physical contact . No I love you's. Just general conversations about everyday life.

Now that we are back she has a changed attitude or appears to have. I can't put my finger on it but she seems upset, very little conversing and just acting bitchy. Our 20th wedding anniversary is approaching and I have no idea what to do or how to act. I want our marriage to work but I don't know how much more of her attitude I can take.

I refuse to start the conversation but I can't go on this way. Same roof, same bed no love.

[Bhuda1]

Any suggestions would be appreciated. Same sitch, nothing new to add. I do have concerns on what to do for our 20th wedding anniversary. Do I acknowledge it, without making it a big deal. Do,I get a card in case she gives one to me. If she expects me to do something and I don't does that make her think I don't care and her decision to leave will,only be reinforced by no acknowledgement.

I can't wish her a happy anniversary, after her bomb drop. Any suggestions would be appreciated

[Natus]

Based on your last update. "I can't go on this way". Maybe you dont have to?

I would say dont wish her happy anniversary based on the Same roof, same bed no love. Cause you are in an in-house sep whether you believe it or not. In fact the amount of time you spent with her i suspect means you are not DB-ing (i did the same thing, still did my husband routine, celebrated her bday etc, still ended up physically separating).

Im sure you have heard of this game before "What if?" What if you two were well and truly separated but still living in the same house (hypothetically) would you still be doing what you are doing? be honest with yourself. Its okay to be selfish.

[JRuss]

Bhuda1 -- just read through your sitch and wanted to offer support. I'm in a very similar boat: in home separation with W-announced date of future separation/divorce, but, for now, living an outwardly cordial, but not intimate, life.

I have also resolved not to bring up R talk, at all. It's been disastrous when I have (quit doing what doesn't work is great advice I learned here), and, if we could actually discuss our R as a couple, as adults, well, we wouldn't be in such dire straights marriage-wise. So I avoid, but, like you, I'm dying a slow death on the inside with worry, anxiety, fear of the future, etc.

Detachment is where both of us need to get, but it's the getting there, when our spouses are right there, acting in almost all ways like our Ws, that's proving very difficult for me. Wanting, hoping, worrying -- all of it -- is evidence that we're still too enmeshed. If you have time, you might want to check out my thread. Several of us inhome separated guys are from time to time woodshedding on ways to best detach.

Hang in there!