Newbie Thread 2

[hawker]

Yes cheesy those 3 words suck but hang in there...I was trying to hurry so we wouldn't have to talk that much, I didn't really have a sad feeling today although I also miss talking to her (she said she misses that on Friday)but I also don't want her to think I am there for her to talk to while she is having and affair..

[cheesyt]

its guilt. they know our lives are up in flames. but they want to hear the "i'm ok" so they don't feel bad.

[hawker]

Exactly

[hawker]

Nothing new happening today...went out last night with friends, they posted on FB...I know the wife saw, we went to her favorite local places which she probably saw...but oh well...I keep on plugging away...

[NYGal]

Hawk, avoid answering the how are you questions. It's none of her business. If you can't get out of it, e.g. it's a face to face, just say, I'm doing well!
And if she says "It was nice to see you", just ignore it. It's NOT nice to see her if it makes her feel less guilty. And it's not nice to see her knowing she is off with the sow (stupid other woman).
Now is such an important time. She has to start missing you big time before she moves in with sow. She has to see what she's missing from your old life. And she has to think that you will be gone if she doesn't wake up from this thick foggy dream (nightmare) soon. Don't make any of it easy for her. Make it hard for her to leave, and easy for her to stay. That was my strategy. And that means never being a doormat. Never letting her think it's ok, what she's doing. It's not! It's a betrayal, it's cheating, it's lying, and it's the biggest mistake of her life. She will lose the respect of her colleagues and friends. And perhaps her family as well. She has to get a big dose of that, and soon.

Talk to your coach again. It's so important that you get the best advice now!

[hawker]

Ok, I know this is so important right now....I will not make it easy for her to leave! She needs to wake up from this stupid fog and I will not be a doormat. I have made it clear that it is not ok what she is doing! I will keep it up

[hawker]

So what do you guys think? Should I tell my wife to come get the rest of her stuff so that she feels a little angst before she moves in with the OW at the end of the month? Tell her to get her stuff because I need a break and I have to make decisons???

Any advice would be great! Wonka??

[hawker]

Anyone?

[MrBond]

"tell my wife to come get the rest of her stuff so that she feels a little angst "

Sounds like you're doing it to manipulate a feeling out of her. If you want her to get her stuff, then tell her so. But don't do it because you think it's going to get some sort of reaction from her. That's control.

[hawker]

Thanks Mr. Bond, I guess I am wanting her to think about what she would be losing if she moved in with the OW....I don't want it to happen but I know I can't control her, I guess I was thinking she would feel like I was moving on and she could lose out since she goes back on forth on what she wants....