But I'd say no to having to work/earn money. Being rejected or losing the AP might help some, but you never know if they'll want to come home or just go out looking for some other fix. I think it has more to do with losing YOU. Seeing you becoming a better man, even better than you were when they were happy and in love with you. Watching you change, knowing you're doing just fine w/o them while they're spinning and don't really know what to do.
My WW is starting to wake up some. She's having to deal with insurance, surgery, being a Single Mom, money, etc ALONG with watching me change and seeing how I don't need her to be happy. It's a long process. It's been 3mos, and she's just started to verbalize a slight fear that I might make the decision to leave. It starts with those seeds and eventually, (Sandi can fill in details here) they realize what they've done, the hurt and pain they've caused, what they'd be losing etc etc.
Me: 35 W: 32 S: 4 T: 6 M: 4 Physical Separation official: 5/21 Currently: DR/DBing, Focusing on me and son
Cheating on a good person is like throwing away a diamond and picking up a rock.
I read your story and I'm glad things seem to be looking up for you, both for yourself and your relationship. Hang in there!
- m and ww in 30s - s4 - m 11 yrs, t12 -ilybinilwy ~5/16 + request for OM - bd 7/16, confirm ea and strongly suspected pa - 9/16 ww claimed to have broken contact with om
Just to be clear ... you mean that work/money issues will NOT wake up a WW?
Originally Posted By: RSG
I think it has more to do with losing YOU. Seeing you becoming a better man, even better than you were when they were happy and in love with you. Watching you change, knowing you're doing just fine w/o them while they're spinning and don't really know what to do.
This is golden!!! Thank you. A great reminder.
You're no Sandi2 -- indeed, you are RSG!!!
Me: 50, MLC/WW 45 Young kids Nov 2015: BD1 Apr 2016: BD2 Jan 2017: W filed Feb 2017: D final
Had a call with a L and have a good feel for things now.
Had a cbt session and learned more breathing exercises. They seem to help some.
Anyone have tips on the mc session tomorrow?
- m and ww in 30s - s4 - m 11 yrs, t12 -ilybinilwy ~5/16 + request for OM - bd 7/16, confirm ea and strongly suspected pa - 9/16 ww claimed to have broken contact with om
I highly doubt that JUST work/$$ will bring a woman home. She'll complain to you (or possibly about you), but it won't bring her home. She has to lose something.....
I'm glad I was able to give you a little inspiration Forrest lol. I'm having a rough night, seeing that Momma bear name in another thread brought the house down for me. I haven't felt like giving up this much before, seeing so little change in W that I might as well just D her now. Sigh. Fight through it until tomorrow....
Jug, thanks for the support. I'm inching ever closer to a frightened squirrel, but progress is there.
Me: 35 W: 32 S: 4 T: 6 M: 4 Physical Separation official: 5/21 Currently: DR/DBing, Focusing on me and son
Cheating on a good person is like throwing away a diamond and picking up a rock.
Sorry you're having such a rough night. Fight some more and feel good that you did. I'm setting a date for myself for when I'd throw in the towel. We'll see how things go tomorrow.
I really love the community here. I just want to hug everyone!
- m and ww in 30s - s4 - m 11 yrs, t12 -ilybinilwy ~5/16 + request for OM - bd 7/16, confirm ea and strongly suspected pa - 9/16 ww claimed to have broken contact with om
We talked about looking for a job. Definitely messes with my head. I can see part of it as getting pity and part of it as just having a foot out the door. She keeps saying that she doesn't want to live out of her car.
- m and ww in 30s - s4 - m 11 yrs, t12 -ilybinilwy ~5/16 + request for OM - bd 7/16, confirm ea and strongly suspected pa - 9/16 ww claimed to have broken contact with om
- m and ww in 30s - s4 - m 11 yrs, t12 -ilybinilwy ~5/16 + request for OM - bd 7/16, confirm ea and strongly suspected pa - 9/16 ww claimed to have broken contact with om
Why set a date?In my view it is counterproductive.It adds pressure, even if only on you. I completely understand not wanting to continue as is indefinitely.
What does throwing in the towel look like to you?
Many previous posters who have been here a long time, tended to say that they will know when they are done. Until then the follow their path. What that path is is up to you.
So what are you working on today? What are your plans for the weekend?
Stop mind reading. Talk is cheap. When she gets a job that is different but even then, that is not necessarily a bad thing. Until that happens it is futile to stress about it.
R 25 years M 14 years S11 & S13 Working on it alone since Oct 2014 M in trouble a lot earlier (~2 years) Feb 2016. 1st R chat in a yr. Next R chat Aug'17 Still together
Why set a date?In my view it is counterproductive.It adds pressure, even if only on you. I completely understand not wanting to continue as is indefinitely.
What does throwing in the towel look like to you?
Many previous posters who have been here a long time, tended to say that they will know when they are done. Until then the follow their path. What that path is is up to you.
So what are you working on today? What are your plans for the weekend?
Stop mind reading. Talk is cheap. When she gets a job that is different but even then, that is not necessarily a bad thing. Until that happens it is futile to stress about it.
Thanks for the thoughts and good vibes.
Throwing in the towel means D. We are at an impasse because she's not breaking contact. Continuing to live like this is abusive to me.
I am currently working on all of the db advice, especially being friendly. I read every day, journal(not just here), and do my cbt exercises. I take care of myself physically and already take care of and play with my son(more than Ww).
You are absolutely right about the fortune telling thing. Thanks. Straight out of cbt.
We have couples mc today and I'm putting together a plan, trying to focus on addressing the no contact thing. We keep getting diverted...
Plans for this weekend are to do stuff with son and generally house stuff. Ww is going to a movie with a (non OM) friend.
- m and ww in 30s - s4 - m 11 yrs, t12 -ilybinilwy ~5/16 + request for OM - bd 7/16, confirm ea and strongly suspected pa - 9/16 ww claimed to have broken contact with om
