If your daughter's turning 7 was the trigger, then the divorce of her parents hurt very deeply and she may very well have some abandonment issues she's dealing with, i.e., father not in the picture full time. Did she ever talk about why her mother left her father, i.e., the excuse given for the divorce? Was her father very strict w/her? Did she witness a lot of arguing in her parents' home, etc.? Did she live w/her mother or her father? Does she have siblings? Did her mother remarry? If so, how did the step-father treat her? Did her father remarry? If so, how did the step-mother treat her?
I realize I'm asking quite a few questions, but I'm trying to better understand your wife's actions.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Yes, the divorce of her parents hurt her deeply. Yes, she has abandonment issues because her father moved to another state when she was 13. In the psychological report she said that her mother left her father for no apparent reason, they seemed to get along well.(same as us) The excuse for the divorce was that her father was controlling (same excuse as mine). She lived with her father from age 7 until age 13, he had custody, and with her mother after age 13 when the father moved to another state. She has one brother. Her mother did not remarry. Her father did remarry and the step-mother was rude to her.
It looks like all midlife crises here have the OM factor except mine and qt4x11. Are they still considered midlife crises or are they walkaway wives? My wife had a troubled childhood while qt4x11 wife seems to be coming from a good family. My wife had all the peri-menopause symptoms and that's why I believe the she is in a MlC also, but who knows for sure. When can I expect to see some improvements? Maybe after the divorce is finalized? Maybe after a year from BD?
A person in crisis may or may not have another person waiting in the wings, i.e., involved with. The OP (other person) is just a band aid. Her "band aid/crutch" of choice could be something else. Some take on hobbies and go to the extreme, some take up traveling, whatever they take up, it becomes the center of their universe during the crisis.
Your wife's situation could be a combination of peri-menopause and crisis. Again, no one can honestly state what her condition is at this time. If she's in crisis, replay takes a long time and I'm not putting an exact amount of time on this stage because it will take as long as it takes for her to work thru her issues. Her clock is very, very slow and it could take years.
As for the divorce, you may see a little bit of softening after the divorce, but again, it all depends upon her. She will go thru an euphoric stage which she is happy as clam and thinks that this is it, no more Cld in my life, I am finally free to live my life the way I want. This usually takes about 6 -12 months for them to work thru and then they come to realize that they still have their issues and responsibilities.
The time frame for the crisis is difficult to predict because each person is unique, just as their personalities and childhood experiences are unique. In life, the medical profession can give you a ball park figure as to when a person will finally find relief from chicken pox, but when it comes to MLC, it is not a recognized disease. MLC can take 2-5 years or even longer before a person may come to earth. So, while you are living your life, dig deeper for patience and continue to move forward and busy. Try to keep the focus on you and your children and turn your wife's situation over to the man upstairs. Unfortunately, you didn't break her, therefore, you can't fix her.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Thank you job. I have no clue what my wife is doing right now so I don't know if she has another man or not and I don't think that she started a new hobby because she is very busy with work, children and school. She still has a picture of us together on her Facebook which gives me hope, plus she is living with her mother and the kids, so it's not a place where she would take another man. It looks like she wants to live with her mother permanently. I am going to start to meet her during the exchanges of the kids probably starting next week. I want to be smiling but short with either no contact or very short sentences. I am not sure if I should say HI to her. My 3 year old is doing very well, he tells me several times throughout the day that he loves me, I think I am doing a good job in protecting him from the negative forces of divorce. Soon I will be able to work on my daughter as well, she wants to come home with me but she can't right now. Hopefully next Sunday...I feel alone without a woman and sometimes I have fantasies of finding a smiling 19 year old girlfriend but that would just compromise the situation with the kids and their mom and there is no assurance that it would last. I haven't touched a woman in 7 months and I wonder how long I can go on like this. In a perfect world I would say forever until their mom comes back or until the kids are 18.... I will do my best.
When you do the child swap, it's okay to be civil. You don't have to be chatty, but if you want to show your child a good way to handle difficult situations, when she leaves, wish her a nice day, Sometimes just saying those words or a smile here or there will go a long way towards both parties being civil to one another. If she asks a question, answer it, but you don't have to be curt. Treat her the same way that you would want to be treated by a distant relative. Lead by example and this allows your child to see that it is safe to speak to both of you. If you display anger towards his mother, he may begin to wonder if he's at fault, etc.
It's not an easy walk in the park, but the race is not a sprint...it's a marathon and right now, no one knows who will reconcile and who won't. Try to live you life to the fullest and it's possible to leave the door ajar for her, if she so wishes to catch up at a later time.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
My wife is 5 years older than me, she is 44 and I am 39. On top of that I look like I am 25 and she looks her age. She gained weight and has had several health problems in the past 10 years like back problems, pain in the leg and her foot, her gallbladder was removed, she had 2 C sections, she had A-fibrillation twice in her heart, she can't hear very well from one year and now she is having this mental illness/midlife crisis. I am very healthy and I haven't been sick in the past 20 years. I am very thankful that she gave me 2 healthy kids and that she worked hard all those years but her health has affected her mood and she is not a positive person to be around right now. I honestly don't want to live with her anymore, I just want her to be nice to me and work together so that we can co-parent our children and hopefully they won't get scarred too much by all of this.
Do NOT lump me into your "all Men" theory on statistics...
Statistics can be manipulated to fit into whatever research that one wants them to fit into...
First lesson of any statistic course, is to NOT believe them...
Secondly...
Why do you hate Women ?
What purpose does it serve you, to be condescending, and arrogant to Women ?
Did it ever occur to you, that amount of life lessons that you could learn by simply trying to understand that you are not perfect, simply by being a guy....???
Did it ever occur to you, that typically, most Women just want to be heard. They don't want YOU to fix their problems. They only want to be understood...???
You say that you are controlling, well, you are certainly proving that theory correct.
So let me ask you this....
Why do you have longer custody with your Son than you do with your Daughter ??
Why does she get spanked, when your Son doesn't ???
What message are you send to her, when you disregard her gender to the point that you have shown here repeatedly ???
I see that you are here, just waiting for your wife to "snap out of things"...
That is a red flag to me, anytime that I read that from someone....
To put that all onto her, as some sort of mental illness ( as you called it), means that YOU accept no fault at all....
Maybe it is "her" that is sane, and you need to "snap out of this"....
????
I don't want to bash you...
But I'll be damned if I sit by, and watch you disrespect a place that I hold in such high regard.
And more importantly, continue with this long standing verbal abuse of the Women on this board...
They don't want to be right, and they don't want to be wrong...
They just want to be heard.
MLC is something that is different on any level from anything that you have ever dealt with....
There is no timetable...
There are no rules...
Only understanding, love, and life beyond MLC...
Some make it through, some don't...
Some have the courage to stare down the monster, some don't...
The thing is....is that YOU have no say in that matter....
The ONLY thing that you can do, is to stare down your own monsters...
And just for the record....
This isn't an argument..
This is my view, from the words that you have posted to others here.
It's not up to you to diagnose me, or to categorize me....
If you want to discuss this further, then I am open to it...
