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Cld,

Because you are still a fairly new poster, I suggest that you start reading and listening to what the posters are posting to you. I know, you are reading a lot of stuff and looking at the statistics, but guess what? Those statistics are just numbers and they aren't going to help you w/moving forward w/your life while leaving the door ajar. Your focus has to be on you, your business and your children for now. You didn't break her, therefore you can't fix her.

I also suggest that you stop focusing on the time limit for a crisis. What has been put in print over the years is just a guess estimate. It can be shorter or it can be longer...but the bottom line is this...you don't control the length of time it will take someone to work through their crisis. You are an uninvited guest to the MLC party and have no control over how long, how short or how she's going to behave towards you, family, friends, etc. It's all about her and her alone and what she needs to do to work through her crisis on her time, not yours.

Changes - if you are doing the hard, necessary work and that includes any changes that you want to make to yourself, then those changes must become permanent. If you are only making changes to get your wife to notice or thinking it will draw her back, she will know what you are up to.

Each and every person goes through a life's transition. We do so around the ages of 20, 30, 40, etc. For some, it's a blip on the radar and for those who haven't completed the life transitions and have poor coping skills, they may end up having a MLC. Coping skills plays a part in the MLC just as depression is the main ingredient throughout the crisis.

Now about dating a woman...I have not seen anyone advise you to do that...evidently someone in your life has done so...but the people here have not, so there is no need to continue to bring that subject up. Some may suggest that in years to come, you may change your mind, but no one has said to date women at this time. Let's stick to trying to keep your focus on you and the hard, necessary work you need to do in order to be the man your wife would be a fool to leave behind.

Also, please start a new thread. I have tripped your reply/posting count to 101.





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Originally Posted By: Cld
Irish,

the grass is not greener on the other side of the pond, it's only greener where we water it. I am very confident that I will reconcile with my ex wife someday, and I will be here to prove it to you.
I am already writing a book called "How I turned my marriage around".
I am not going to throw away a 10 year relationship with two children and start from scratch especially after I learned that midlife crises are temporary.
Watch this.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WHvV55IpAxk


I carried this over as not to Hijack.

The title of this book you are writing indicateS an action. "How I Turned My Marriage Around" What ACTIONS are YOU taking to turn your marriage around? What will you write in this book about what you did? Watching youtube videos on MLC is not an action that turns a marriage around. Waiting the prescribed time for your wife to come out of her MLC is not an action, that is an inaction.

Let's say, for the sake of argument your W is in a MLC (because I honestly don't believe she is in one, but that is neither here nor there). You say the MLC is temporary and you won't throw away a 10 year marriage for something temporary. She may come out of it a changed, healed woman ready to start the next stage of her life. What do you have to offer for that next stage of life? What changes would you have made to become a better husband?

You deflect any and all questions regarding inner work and the changes you need to make and what your action plan is to become a better person and a partner. A stand-up guy, one only a fool would leave, is one who recognizes his mistakes what he could do better, and shows ACTION.

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Originally Posted By: Wonka
Hey Cat! How are you, girl! laugh


Hey Wonka! I'm doing great. Having a bit of fun lately. Saw you are doing pretty great yourself. Glad to hear it.

CLD,

You know, it's funny...

Wonka and I have had our, shall we say differences, over the years...

One thing I think I can safely say that we do have for each other is a healthy respect.

One that exists because we can recognize that each of us has our own experience that individually don't mean much to anyone but ourselves, but collectivly, they brought us here to learn, heal, and help others...

And because we have a respect for this board that helped us both so much...

I would love to see you develop that type of a respect for this place and the people that post here.

One thing I do want to do is quickly correct a few of your statistics...

More for other people who may read this than for you...

The current divorce rate in America is 53 percent. Reported in 2011.

In Belgium it is 71 percent. Reported in 2010.

In the UK it is 47 percent. Reported in 2009.

In Italy it is 25 percent (as you stated.) Reported in 2010.

The caveat of that is that in 2015 the divorce laws in Italy changed. Instead of taking 3-5 years for a divorce to become legal, which caused many Italians to set up residence in countries were the divorce process was much shorter and return to Italy later, it NOW only takes 6 months to a year to obtain a divorce in Italy. (Comparable to divorce in the US.) I will be interested to see what happens to the 25 percent divorce rate there.

In the Phillipines, where you stated it takes 10 years to get divorced, divorce is NOT EVEN LEGAL.

The options that people there have is to remain in bad marriages, live apart "in sin," or try to get an annulment through the Church which is a very dauntingly expensive task for people in one of the poorest countries in the world.

I hope for your sake you take Job's, and other's advice...

I've got nothing else...

Mach, send them again!:)



"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
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Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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