Focus on Me and my Boys 7

[J5K]

Oh yeah, one more thing. When I spoke to the boys yesterday S4 said that they had a visitor. Not sure if the visitor was male or female. I texted Ls about this because we have an agreement between the Ls that the boys are not to be exposed to any single males when with her and no single females with me during the D process.

[mvgfwd2]

It seems you need to think about trading the car in for a van so you have 2 vehicles that are capable to carry all the boys. And you take care of them separately. That day is coming soon anyway.

[RAI]

I agree. you will need separate cars at some point. In the meantime, can you ask her to contribute towards the cost of the rental? I don't think that is unreasonable. Although, my WW is also a SAHM and is so entitled. She acts like she is already doing all the heavy lifting, when in reality she is not. Unreasonable. I get it.

RAI

[J5K]

Unfortunately, non of the assets can get split until the D is complete. Dealership gave me a rental car, so I am all set.

RAI, my STBX thinks she is doing all the heavy lifting also.
Still reading your thread. I wanted to ask how old are your kids?

[SH_]

Unfortunately, non of the assets can get split until the D is complete. Dealership gave me a rental car, so I am all set.

RAI, my STBX thinks she is doing all the heavy lifting also.
Still reading your thread. I wanted to ask how old are your kids?

JK

Food for thought with this simple post.
It is very much the flavor of most of your threads.
Your response is that of a victim mentality that I have spoken of with you.
You are taking a stance that you have no control of what is happening to you.
You have a very " stock" response to so much of the advice shared with you.
That "stock" response is that you can do nothing about a situation until the d goes through.
Think about it.
Are you of the belief that the court system is going to determine everything for you?

What does splitting assets have to do with obtaining a second vehicle that is capable of transporting your children so you do not need to trade with WW each time?
Once the assets are split and one of you gets the car that you are trading back and forth, how will that work? If they are split, not sure you will be trading, correct?

You asked the community advice for your car situation.
Much advice was given.
You made your own choice aside from the advice.
The choice appears to be one of least resistance and almost entirely the Choice of avoidance of WW.


And so what if your stbx " thinks" she is doing the heavy lifting.
How about setting in place a plan that is indeed fair of a balanced responsibility and she takes on what she needs to do and you take on what you need to do so, regardless of what she "thinks", then all is in balance.

Now if ever there was a time that there are choices you have control of, you should make them.
Or, are you still making decisions in fear of her reactions!
If that is the case, why are you still deciding based on fear?
Do you understand the term " doormat" that is used here so frequently?
Have you studied with vigor the knowledge that sandi2 has shared with lbh for so many years?

My friend, change starts with making a decision, and then taking an action.
When will you start the change?

[J5K]

JK

Food for thought with this simple post.
It is very much the flavor of most of your threads.
Your response is that of a victim mentality that I have spoken of with you.

I am sorry you feel that way. I do not want this D so I am not doing anything to help STBX with it.

You are taking a stance that you have no control of what is happening to you.

I have control of my actions. If STBX chooses not to fix the car, someone had to do it. Yes, based on others feedback, I should have suggested she take it in for service.

You have a very " stock" response to so much of the advice shared with you.
That "stock" response is that you can do nothing about a situation until the d goes through.
Think about it.
Are you of the belief that the court system is going to determine everything for you?

Yes, STBX and I are in disagreement about two major items. Custody and house in Canada. My L says this is a marathon. L and I only react to actions STBX takes with respect to D.
I have all the documentation and paper trail for the house in Canada. Mediation date is set. Custody eval is coming back this week.

What does splitting assets have to do with obtaining a second vehicle that is capable of transporting your children so you do not need to trade with WW each time?

No money to buy another vehicle. We are literally broke.
STBX said she does not want either vehicle. I said OK. She also said she does not have money to buy another vehicle. I said I understood. I am not going to agree to splitting up the equity from the house at this time because she chooses not to get a job so she can go buy a car. If my IL's can gift her a house, why can't they buy her a car. I would never ask STBX that question, but there are other things she can do if she wants to get a car now so we each have our own vehicles. She can always pay her parent's back after the D is over for the car.

Once the assets are split and one of you gets the car that you are trading back and forth, how will that work? If they are split, not sure you will be trading, correct?

Correct, we each take what we get from the split and live our own lives and buy our own things. Psychologist said that if we are living in separate cities, the parent with primary custody would be responsible for taking the boys for visitations with the other parent. I have no issue with that.

You asked the community advice for your car situation.
Much advice was given.
You made your own choice aside from the advice.
The choice appears to be one of least resistance and almost entirely the Choice of avoidance of WW.

Last time we had to get the car fixed I suggested she take it to the dealership to get fixed. STBX took it to a place in Canada and changed the brakes. Two months ago she mentioned that she heard more noises on the car. I suggested to her that she take it to the dealership again. She did not, she wanted to sell it as is. She wanted me to put it up for sale here in the States. So the car broke down two months later and since she was not going to do anything about it, I had no choice. The only thing I can do is suggest again to her that she take it in next time.

And so what if your stbx " thinks" she is doing the heavy lifting.
How about setting in place a plan that is indeed fair of a balanced responsibility and she takes on what she needs to do and you take on what you need to do so, regardless of what she "thinks", then all is in balance.

Agree all that is spew and BS. She does not want fair and balanced responsibility. I have tried to have these talks with her and she refuses. So we are both NC.

There is no balanced plan with her. She does not want 50/50 custody in Michigan and I do not want to move to Toronto if we are not going to be M.

Now if ever there was a time that there are choices you have control of, you should make them.
Or, are you still making decisions in fear of her reactions!
If that is the case, why are you still deciding based on fear?
Do you understand the term " doormat" that is used here so frequently?
Have you studied with vigor the knowledge that sandi2 has shared with lbh for so many years?

My friend, change starts with making a decision, and then taking an action.
When will you start the change?

I have been changing. I go to IC, I read books, I meet up with friends, I take the boys to parks, play with them, watch TV with them. I visit with family with and without the boys, I work out, take care of the house, pay bills.

Not sure what else you expect me to do?

I know I will be fine without her and life will go on. My PMA is getting better every day thanks to the support of friends and family and the people on this board.

I will be firm with STBX when I need to be. I am not going to argue about the small stuff with her. Not worth my time and energy.

STBX likes to tell not only me what to do, but the rest of her family also. I have noticed this all through my M. This whole D has not only caused tension between the 7 of us, it has caused tension with her immediate family. Not my problem, I get it, just stating that a person with a sense of entitlement wreaks havoc on more people than just the two going through a D.

[Painter]

Psychologist said that if we are living in separate cities, the parent with primary custody would be responsible for taking the boys for visitations with the other parent.

This is not correct. Normally, the parent who moves is responsible for the majority of transportation, or an agreement is made. It's fine not to argue this point with the P, but the L is the only person who can tell you what the norm is in your state, and I think the P is going outside their area of competence to make a statement like that. Maybe it was to see what you are willing to do...

[Rose888]

And regardless of who is responsible for transportation during the exchange, both parents need a vehicle capable of holding all five kids legally.

[J5K]

Just journaling:

I walked for 72 minutes today and passed my daily step goal. I feel great. I hate working out so my new plan is to do a few reps with weights multiple times a day. It will make me feel good and curb my desire to smoke.

The walk alone has made me feel positive and happy.

Called my uncle and meeting up for breakfast.

[Painter]

What a great start to your day!