Focus on Me and my Boys 7

[J5K]

I did not give her any expectations. She expects me to take care of these things because I am the man and these are a man's responsibilities.

When she called and said she broke down last week she expected me to take care of fixing the car. I did. If I would have said no, she would have been furious.

Even though I am not her H anymore, I am expected to take care of things. Her job is to only be a mom with the boys.

[DonH]

That may be the case according to her f'd up world. However, she has fired you as the man. Therefore it's no longer your responsibility. That's part of what it means to fire the man taking care of you. I'm concerned that you would do the same for a Nannie or other friend. Why is all of this your responsibility? I don't get that thinking.

[bigybiz]

I don't disagree entirely with everyone - but I do understand how you do feel that some of it is your responsibility. You want to ensure your children are safely transported back and forth. You do currently share vehicles back and forth so part of it is your concern. We get it.

Good ideas here:

Let W know that the repairs will be done on xday. Perhaps build in a buffer in case repairs are not done in time.

As a result the switch day should be altered for that reason alone. You can present a plan to make up the "lost" days.

Tell W she needs to arrange a ride (e.g. MIL,FIL)

Or she can come up with her own solution

When she complains this is a problem - tell her it's been a hassle for you as well. You've lost time dealing with this problem on both of your behalf's - so she will need to undertake some inconvenience as well.

[Painter]

I did not give her any expectations. She expects me to take care of these things because I am the man and these are a man's responsibilities.

When she called and said she broke down last week she expected me to take care of fixing the car. I did. If I would have said no, she would have been furious.

Even though I am not her H anymore, I am expected to take care of things. Her job is to only be a mom with the boys.

I get helping each other out. However, she had sabotaged you by making false accusations against your child care person so you had to find someone new, she had threatened to have you beat up by OM, she tries to make the kids lie about you, so she is not someone you need to help.

You know that, you even write it so it's obvious how unreasonable she is.

Stop being a doormat. No, you're not 'the man', she has made it clear she has moved on.

WH wanted to continue to have sex with me after it was decided to S, because 'we were still married'. Meanwhile, he was planning for his mistress to move in. What would you have told me if I had gone along with that?

[Rose888]

I would tell her the good news is the repair is under warranty, but the shop says the car won't be ready by the exchange day. Give her the phone number at the shop, so she can hear it from them directly. If she wants to go psycho on them to try to get it done faster, she can try.

As an adult, she can choose to ask her dad to drive down with her and take her back, or she can rent a car herself, or she can rent a hotel room to wait for the car. But do let her know the situation so she can make a plan.

I can see renting a car for the nanny, if your contract said you were providing transportation.

I would not rent a car for a woman who treats you like your wife treats you. Nor would I change the exchange date.

[J5K]

Thank you all for the feedback. I will get the details from the dealership and update her so she can make her own arrangements.

[J5K]

Well dealership said engine is on back order, won't be in until 2nd week of september, so will have to get a rental car. Since I am borrowing my mom's car I will have to take that back this weekend after I get the rental today.

[RAI]

JK,

Have you read "No More Mr. Nice Guy" yet. I can't be the first person to ask you this. Surely someone has suggested it, no?

Not only are you allowing W to eat cake, but you are further enabling her behavior. It is time for her to wear big girl pants and start taking responsibility. You can't have all the joys of waywardness, without the responsibility of being on your own. I know it is easier to say than to do, but don't let fear (of consequences) be the motivation for your decisions.

Best,

RAI

[Mach1]

I did not give her any expectations. She expects me to take care of these things because I am the man and these are a man's responsibilities.

I get what you are saying...

I am just trying to understand the "why" of it all...

Didn't she "fire" you from that position ?

When she called and said she broke down last week she expected me to take care of fixing the car. I did. If I would have said no, she would have been furious.

Sooo...you mean that she would have had to face the circumstances of her decisions, not liked them, and would be forced to deal with things as an adult ?


How dare you...

: )

Even though I am not her H anymore, I am expected to take care of things. Her job is to only be a mom with the boys.

You don't really believe this do you ?

I CAN tell you that no single event, will either make or break the strings that are still holding you together...

No one thing, will hinder or help your goal of reconciliation....

No ONE thing, will change the outcome of this...

Stay true to who YOU are...



So seriously....did you think that she was gonna change if she saw you rescuing her ?

[J5K]

RAI,

Yes, I have read the book. Maybe I should have stated things another way. Both STBX and I need the car since we exchange. I can't control whether she chooses to fix it or not. So I had to take action so I had a means of transportation during the week and so that I can get the van back when we exchange again next week. Is it fair, no, it is what it is and it is not worth my time to criticize her for not taking the car in to get fixed when she had it.

Mach1,

She is a princess, her job is a SAHM in her eyes. I probably should set a boundary next time an issue like this comes up.

Yes, well MIL was with her and apparently neither one of them knows how to call a tow truck service.

I do not believe it. In her mind, she has moved on and lives her life in Toronto. What that is I don't know. Not mine to worry about. I took action to fix the car and get the rental because I need to get to work somehow. Even though I am doing 100% of the work in this instance and I own 50% of the responsibility, I need to be able to have the van back next week when I have the boys so there will be times that I will have to do more than my share to keep a stable environment whether I am M or not. Probably a lot less when I am D.

I know she would not change. She just thanked me for picking up the car to get it fixed and I just said your welcome. Left it at that. She believes she is doing all the work since she is driving back and forth.