This is a tough ride and we all know there is no short cut to the end. All the things you went through the other day it is natural to have feelings and sometimes we can't control them. all we can do is focus on our kids and moving forward the W's we knew arnt functioning at the moment they are in some auto pilot wreck less spiral and it will end.
In my view right now I'm less and less day by day caring what my W is doing. It's her loss but I'm not blowing anything up so there is no way back for her just not worrying about what she is doing and you will get back to that place of not caring.
In my mind I really don't care about OM and I came to this by thinking about it in the way that he doesn't know my real W and everything she will be doing and telling him will be to make herself look good. Our W's are lost at the moment and it could take years to snap out of it or maybe never but I'm ok with that if my D2 is happy and cared for.
I am pretty much rambling things you have heard a million times but truly just this last week it's been 7 months since she left and only now am I at the point where I have realized it is truly her loss in every way. I made mistakes and I am working on them but I absoloutely guarantee that in a few years time with or without her I will be in a much better place. I don't want to see her crash and burn but I just know it's a certainty. Stay strong and fight the good fight
ME- 31 W-25 T-5 M-3 D2 ILYBNILWY and moved out - FEB16 W seeing someone else - JUL16
You know why you did it, and frankly it's not bad. You know what would freak her out? Picking up the phone, giving it to her and saying nothing. Your reaction was actually not bad at all, and seems like it really scared her. But she's still spinning mentally and has no idea what she wants.
But, if YOU don't feel in a good spot mentally that's what you need to work on. Calm down, take it a moment at a time. Going NC might be a good idea for you, it'll get you to focus inward again. Keep doing fun stuff with your boy!!
Me: 35 W: 32 S: 4 T: 6 M: 4 Physical Separation official: 5/21 Currently: DR/DBing, Focusing on me and son
Cheating on a good person is like throwing away a diamond and picking up a rock.
you are an inspiration because you're real and you hurt like the rest of us
Thanks For that and to all you for the support. Some great words have been said to me over the past couple of days. I was on the JRUSS thread reading some responses to him. A big one from Sandi and some wise input from ForGump. I certainly had a big blow to my detachment this week. Not being able emotionally to put it all out there at once. I made some btch moves and I am going to get past it,I.e. looking in her phone and I ran into one of her BFFs who engaged me about what was going on...I thought this chick knew of the A b/c I was told by WW that she did, so I spoke like she did....drum roll...she did not. So I also exposed WW to her BFF. While her BFF supported me, I also looked weak to her as while explaining things and fresh from the bloody ego a tear and voice crack occurred.
Anyway, on the other thread...my WW is not going to wake up from what I do. She makes enough money on her own to not need my income. For her, not seeing s4 for a couple nights is a relief as he is very needed and really wears on her. She is very beautiful and intelligent, so finding some turd to fill in for man duties is not a problem. She needs some therapy, but is unwilling to go. Now I've found out that only one of her friends actually knew of her A. Not anyone beyond that. So any NC would be for me, but I can't NC dark because of our child in terms of decisions. I feel ready enough to handle a D, but I don't want one for many reasons, costs is one of them. I want to hang in there and give this DB some more time.
She still loves me, but does not think I have changed enough for her to see. What I did this week showed it to her, more importantly showed it to me. I have some traveling to do today early and then back home for s4 tonight. It's a new day. Retool, refocus, reself.
"There is no more important fight than the one for ourselves. Keep on winning." Ginger1, Read her newbies. BD: Feb '16 D: Mar '17 Piecing: Putting the self back together was my piecing. S6
Forget the other day and move forward bud. YOU have just as much of a decision to make! Show her that. Show that you are thinking about whether YOU want to D or not!
Me: 35 W: 32 S: 4 T: 6 M: 4 Physical Separation official: 5/21 Currently: DR/DBing, Focusing on me and son
Cheating on a good person is like throwing away a diamond and picking up a rock.
Yes, RSG moving forward. Today was a much better day with air travel to keep my mind off things. Was a rather boring evening for s4 tonight as I was quite tired from quick travel to do anything of consequence with him. Just dinner and a couple movies.
Have taken to the habit of writing letters to the WW that I will eventually send. The first time I did this was on how to tell her I knew she was still in A - actions which eventually resulted in my BD2 w/ her. This one was about me taking a restraining order out on OM. I looked up his criminal record. He is a legal gun owner where I live. He has also been arrested twice for trespassing in the past two years, gotten two speeding tickets in two months, and a failure to have a documented vehicle once this summer. I think that shows reckless behavior I do not wish to have around my son. The letter will be drafted a few times I am sure. But fk her for doing introducing our kid to her drug.
"There is no more important fight than the one for ourselves. Keep on winning." Ginger1, Read her newbies. BD: Feb '16 D: Mar '17 Piecing: Putting the self back together was my piecing. S6
Just got out of IC an hour ago. Had not been in two weeks. Realized before I got there that what I wrote in my last post was a horrible idea. I gave IC my most recent sitch updates. IC said it sounds like I did a good job of defending my boundaries and that I have been very brave thus far and not to worry or feel like my backslide was that destructive. IC said my own response to it and how I feel about could be more destructive so to do my best to continue looking forward.
I spoke to what happened and the results of it and more things that my wayward spouse has said.IC said something is very clear from my reporting of the sitch - that my WW is very confused about who she is and what she wants. IC said she would not diagnose my WW as she was not her patient (very professional I thought) but my beliefs that latent childhood trauma, midlife concerns, and general indecision all sound accurate - leading IC to make the confusion statement. IC said what she hears is the OM is not marriage material for my WW, that WW means it when she does not understand why she is w/ this OM, and that WW does appear to be seeking what her own identity is - again, all based upon what I give to IC and IC was careful to point that out.
IC concluded w/ given the world of confused messages my WW offers me, it seems reasonable that I would struggle with how to respond. IC then told me that I am in one of the most unique situations she has ever heard. I said that sounded interesting that an IC in practice for over 30 years finds my situation unique. She expanded a bit more. Session concluded w/ me giving IC a list of goals to help me work on.
Anyway. Today. New day.I am going to redirect attention back to detachment. Its the best for everyone, but mostly me. Its all I can do right now.
Tolerance and support appreciated from all here.
"There is no more important fight than the one for ourselves. Keep on winning." Ginger1, Read her newbies. BD: Feb '16 D: Mar '17 Piecing: Putting the self back together was my piecing. S6
IC then told me that I am in one of the most unique situations she has ever heard.
Sheesh! You should send her over here. So many of us have similar stories - but then again we are a self-selecting population.
Originally Posted By: CT1118
Today. New day.I am going to redirect attention back to detachment. Its the best for everyone, but mostly me. Its all I can do right now.
Tolerance and support appreciated from all here.
Keep strong my friend. To quote the ancient philosopher Red Green "I'm pullin' for ya. We're all in this together."
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
I think very few of our looney spouses have found marriage material. By design. It's just a stupid, lazy quick fix (aka Grade A Loser). Some of their problems are much deeper though.
Always looking forward is hard, but keep working on your goals. What's going to help you in all this is your boy. Keep on being Daddy.....
Me: 35 W: 32 S: 4 T: 6 M: 4 Physical Separation official: 5/21 Currently: DR/DBing, Focusing on me and son
Cheating on a good person is like throwing away a diamond and picking up a rock.
CT, catching up after a couple days of absence around here. Like others have said, don't be too hard on yourself for the other day. We're all feeling the same pain you are, in one way or the other and you're definitely not alone!
On thing I would offer around this:
Originally Posted By: CT1118
So any NC would be for me, but I can't NC dark because of our child in terms of decisions. I feel ready enough to handle a D, but I don't want one for many reasons, costs is one of them. I want to hang in there and give this DB some more time.
It seems like you could go NC dark, just limit any conversations to those around your S4. Make them very business like and either don't respond, or cutoff non-S4 related dialogue. Just a thought, and I'm nowhere near this w/ both W and I still S in house, but I wouldn't completely remove the idea of going NC b/c of S4.
Hang in there brother! A few folks (most who are posting in this thread) and yourself are my lighthouses here. We're here to support you!
Me39 M11 : T13 D9 BD 5/31/16 In House S until 6/21/17 Divorced 10/5/18
