The Fight for Self II

[ForGump]

CT1118, I'm hoping your silence means you're taking a well-deserved break from this forum and enjoying GAL & your time w/ your S.

I used to think the slogan "Be the Change" was cornball but now I see the light...

[CT1118]

Thanks for asking. Not too good. Any ground I had I lost today. Was getting s4 and when he was saying goodbye to his mother he asked if they could go to the pier and see Mr. [name of OM]. I made eye contact w her and just walked away. I had asked that he never meet my s4. She followed me down and was apologizing. I told her about my boundaries and just continued to get more pissed off from there. I really lost and beat her up verbally. Major, major backslide and I feel like all of my hard work just got set back months.

[doodler]

Thanks for asking. Not too good. Any ground I had I lost today. Was getting s4 and when he was saying goodbye to his mother he asked if they could go to the pier and see Mr. [name of OM]. I made eye contact w her and just walked away. I had asked that he never meet my s4. She followed me down and was apologizing. I told her about my boundaries and just continued to get more pissed off from there. I really lost and beat her up verbally. Major, major backslide and I feel like all of my hard work just got set back months.

CT1118,

Don't be too hard on yourself. It was a boundary and she crossed it. I'd be livid too.

[lt0402]

Thanks for asking. Not too good. Any ground I had I lost today. Was getting s4 and when he was saying goodbye to his mother he asked if they could go to the pier and see Mr. [name of OM]. I made eye contact w her and just walked away. I had asked that he never meet my s4. She followed me down and was apologizing. I told her about my boundaries and just continued to get more pissed off from there. I really lost and beat her up verbally. Major, major backslide and I feel like all of my hard work just got set back months.

CT1118,

Don't be too hard on yourself. It was a boundary and she crossed it. I'd be livid too.

Agree with this. You'd have to be a robot to not react.

[ForGump]

Just rip my heart out. So fcked up. I'm right there w/ you.

[CT1118]

Thanks guys. Im not,even going to mention what i said. It just doesn't seem to matter. It wasn't about me, it was about our son, but when I got angry like that it made it about me.

[CT1118]

Guess,I'll get back,to,anger issue with my IC. I really thought I was getting away from it. I meant what I had been saying, I really thought I wa putting some distance on it.

[RSG]

Thanks for asking. Not too good. Any ground I had I lost today. Was getting s4 and when he was saying goodbye to his mother he asked if they could go to the pier and see Mr. [name of OM]. I made eye contact w her and just walked away. I had asked that he never meet my s4. She followed me down and was apologizing. I told her about my boundaries and just continued to get more pissed off from there. I really lost and beat her up verbally. Major, major backslide and I feel like all of my hard work just got set back months.

Buddy, trust me. You didn't lose much, if ANY ground. My W told me after a week, when I found out about Trailer trash, that the 3 of them had been to the park together. I made it CLEAR I didn't want that loser around my boy. (My boy who btw looks like me, except for his blonde hair which he got from my Dad. He looks nothing like her) I yelled, screamed, cursed and hung up on her in seething anger numerous times 6-8 weeks after she left. When S mentioned it himself the past couple days, I let her know CLEARLY it was not appropriate. Today? I ask him the same question, he says "I had fun at Mommy's house!"

My point: Just because you got angry and likely told her the same things we've all told our spouses at least once, doesn't mean you're being D tomorrow. It doesn't mean you're full of anger and ugly inside. Just keep it in the back of your mind. The next time it should come up, stay calm but be VERY direct and tell her it is unacceptable.

The fact she said sorry is positive. If she said who cares, or something of that nature, I think you know what that would mean....

[CT1118]

Thanks RSG, makes sense. I left out above that after we were done with the yelling, she went to bathroom & left her phone on the counter. It beeped and I don't know why I did it... I picked it up to see if it was OM. It Was...miss you baby, when will you be here. I was just damn mad. She walked,out and saw me w/ pone in hand. I felt like such an angry, needy, puss. Crushed my own manhood. Just a dumb move. I didn't do begging or crying, but just dumb. Had gone so far for,so long. Big lesson to all who thought I was strong, backslides can hide in the darkness of your mind and you don't even know it. I can't even explain to her, she wouldn't care or understand.

She said, "I don't know what this guy is to me. You know it's not the long haul, I mean come on, he is a nowhere person." So, a person she cares nothing for is a better alternative to me, a man she said again that she loves after all of the above. She told,me how scared she was by our behavior at the end of the marriage and how we treated each other.

It was all there for me, education, GAL, 180, IC,,support group...and my own damn ego over the OM made me bang it all up in a single day. All I had to do was spit out one calm sentence on my boundary and leave it there.I think I need to just go NC for a good while. I've just spent the past couple days realizing that I just don't feel very healthy...mentally. Still did gym and went for walks. Took s4 to pool today. Couldn't engage with the present.

[J5K]

CT,

You are human like the rest of us. The WW/H is the one without emotion or should I say has F'd up emotions that drive them to be selfish. Don't be so hard on yourself. We wear our hearts on our sleeves and would almost do anything to get our S's back. Tomorrow is a new day! Hang in there.