The Fight for Self II

[sandi2]

I went into this scenario with detachment feelings, when she left I felt like I had bested the time. I thought in my head "she will text, she walked out wanting to say more" Five minutes after leaving, phone make the got a text sound. Walking over to check accuracy, it rings - WW. I answered like it was a work call (I quit letting her know I knew she was calling a number of months ago by answering w/ my work greeting, as if I changed her specific ring and its just another call). "I'm sorry I was such a btch about the schedule thing, I mean I don't know if you thought I was being a btch and I don't know why I acted that way, its not fair to you and you were right. I also...well, you look really good, like you are really changing yourself. You're in shape again, you're sober. I mean, you look happy and you are taking care of yourself. It really great, I think its great."

[CT1118]

Thank you all again. Your support is really invaluable.

Sandi - 2 things
1. Above is a whistle emoji. I am wondering what it means? Rather than speculate, thought it better to ask.

2. You said this of your H: "It's not like you've described yourself, b/c he had a terrible time focusing and memorizing. He would not study for tests, etc. It would drive me crazy b/c I could not understand why he wouldn't at least, try to study. It takes him forever to answer a simple question I ask.....but I've never seen him do this with other people. It used to infuriate me. He would not discuss his feelings, nor engage with me about anything that required his expressions of his feelings. Needless to say, I was the complete opposite. So, my emotional needs were not met b/c I needed emotional intimacy. I wanted the intimate pillow talk.

Anyway, it just caught my attention when you said the above about W's turning to affairs in desperation."

That is exactly right.I left all of that out of my description, but I am the same way by nature, but I am trying to better my way through once I learned how difficult it makes me to be around. As you can imaging, me reading about traits of ADHD was like reading a book written about me; then reading the traits of how women respond to men w/ ADHD and having my WW say it was exactly like that for her was devastating. But, all one can do it get up and try again in a way that works.

[Cadet]

1. Above is a whistle emoji. I am wondering what it means?
Rather than speculate, thought it better to ask.

There was a poster here named Starsky/Puppy Dog Tails and he used to rate peoples posts with whistles,
5 whistles was very rare.

So Sandi has given you a rating, Congrats!

[CT1118]

Well sir, I bow in respectful appreciation to you and Sandi alike. Now I have a benchmark to raise.

Thank you

[RSG]

On way out of beach today, s4 wanted food at a place on this road that "we" used to go to as a family. I pulled in and we were walking up. Place was packed, but who is right at big glass windo in front - WW and OM. Thank Crst my son did not see. Thank a whole lot more than god above that I did not burn the earth.

I was willing to put that down, but then tonight, my son was asking questions about whatever, dinosaurs, my ropes, etc. kid nonsense, and then he asks me if his mommy ran away.

It really is selfish and disgusting what these broads do, isn't it? These bums with them deserve to get their asses whupped.

Proud of you brother. Keep it up. We are the strength for our children as our spouses wallow in the mess they have created.

[lt0402]

It really is selfish and disgusting what these broads do, isn't it? These bums with them deserve to get their asses whupped.

Proud of you brother. Keep it up. We are the strength for our children as our spouses wallow in the mess they have created.

Hell, with my past couple days I'll second this! Well said RSG!

CT, keep at it man. Love the analytical approach you're following and I'm catching up with it all after my week away from this place. You are moving in the right direction!

[CT1118]

NC yesterday, other than the almost catastrophic encounter (while it would have damaged my son, which is why I left, it would have been interesting to see her face).

Incoming contact today:
an email from WW around 8 am, questions about s4 and weekend, as well as s4's kindergarten assessment happening today - ignored.

email around 9 am about scheduling s4 drop off's- ignored

Phone call at 930 - I took it. WW does not ask why I am not responding to emails anymore, now its like "I sent you a couple emails this morning. If you let me know about them when you have time." Me: "I am not in my office and the days is very busy, I will look when I get back, but right now I have to go" Done.

1000 - I Email reply to schedule just wrote "this works". WW responds with thank you and a meme about tacos. I do not reply.

1015 - I email reply to question about weekend and the assessment. I respond with "please let me know how the assessment goes". I include a picture taken of s4 and I yesterday at the beach (I had a stranger to take it as I have few non-selfie pics of s4 and I). Not usually recommended to share photos, but I wanted her to see I was at the beach where her and OM were and subtly make the statement that its my place for my son. WW replies right away says "great picture, you are really getting buff" (shirt was off in photo). I do not respond.

Phone call again at 1130 - I took it thinking it was about school. WW said two things about school, then wanted to talk, I listened for about 2 minutes, waited for break in her talking, then said I had to go. Then she began singing a song she likes. I gave a slight laugh which was genuine and said "OK, i do have to go"

Phone call 130 - tells me about the assessment. I responded to a few questions which required me to on s4's future, I asked a few where I needed clarification. WW was very cheery. She then brought up how broke she is - I said I had to go. I have no desire to hear about her finances.

Started the day angry, moved to apathy, now back in detached feeling. Did not really feel any emotion about the above while it was happening. I did laugh at the singing, but was caught off guard by how spontaneously odd it was. Wondered if by writing the above out loud if it would make me feel something so that was my motivation. Nope. Still detached, as if I were talking to a co-worker or something.

[Surfer]

CT,

Like cadet says "keep moving forward".

You know how to do that!

Surfer.

[Surfer]

CT - good on the detaching. Drop the rope again. You know how to do it. You are far better than most at getting this.

Keep it up. Stop the cycle.

Great Dad, Great Man! Proud of you Son! Soooo much faith in you. Get yours faith in you back, you seem to be doing it.

We are all watching out for you. I hope you see this.

Surfer.

[ForGump]

CT1118-- thanks for all you posted. As I read all your pain, the voice in my head said, "he should let her go." In other words D. But I don't see your W the way you see your W. I see her the way I see my W. We have different situations but your situation is a mirror for me.

You've been at this for about 6 months. I wonder if/when your feelings will shift about giving up on your W. I think it all hurts so much because you haven't given up on her. DB-ing is to not give up.

Also, as I wrote elsewhere, I think NC and ignoring, etc. isn't really good DB-ing. I say that knowing that that's what I try to do some times. I mean you gotta do NC some times to just fcking survive a day emotionally. But good DB-ing is to really not care either way. Treat your W like a good friend. (Right? Still trying to sort this out in my head).