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2T, I’ve following along… You have my full support in your decision, whatever it is. I can see how it must be discouraging when you constantly have to deal with your H’s lies. I would not do well in this kind of situation either. I admire your desire to not let the employees of the company down because of the personal things between you and hour H. You are a great person, with a lot of integrity!

It is ok to feel like a vegetable… I like to do this once in a while… I actually wish I could do it more often, as I’m an introvert by nature and need to recharge by just being alone and doing nothing.

I hope your H’s visit goes with as little stress for you as possible!


M:50
H:52
S28 (my S from previous marriage)
M:17 + 3
BD: 06/12
S: 06/12 - H works in another state
Joined: Jan 2014
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Hi 2T. I can relate to how you are feeling. I think you are smart to get your ducks in a row. I am sure it is unsettling knowing that H will be back soon.

Definitely take that down time you feel you need. Listen to your mind and body and follow the lead. I am just like Bright, down time and alone time is how I recharge. When emotions are high, more down time is needed. Like you said, give yourself some slack. No, you can't always be upbeat. You are human and will have up days and down days, especially with everything on your plate!

Take a deep breath and get ready for H visit. Make sure you are well rested so you can deal with what comes with it....lies, drama....if you expect it, then it may be easier to deal with.

I do believe the answers come, some of mine have....it just takes time and getting yourself into a good place to hear them. We are here for you, hang in there 2T.

Sending big hugs and positive thoughts
M


Me 48 H 46 S 11
M 2004
BD 8/13
H moved out 2/15
-live in the present, enjoy the beauty around and within you, explore your new future-
Joined: Oct 2013
Posts: 444
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Seems like forever since I posted anything, but it certainly isn't because there's nothing going on.

H returned a week ago and the second night he was here, he started right in on my D proposal. He said he couldn't buy me out of the company and started trying to convince me that what I wanted (a totally clean break) wasn't in my best interest. I was a good girl, drank the STFU smoothie and then plastered duct tape all over my mouth. That caused him to keep talking and talking and talking.

At first it was a list of reasons why a clean break wouldn't be good for me (financially), then he had a bunch of ideas that would involve a D, but me staying tied to (and working for) the company, then he said it would wipe out his savings and he wouldn't do that, then he said he wouldn't take out a loan and burden the business, then he said I could find someone else to buy me out (our agreement gives the shareholders the right to veto that), then he said he wasn't going to "start over" again, then he finally said he was scared and that he was afraid if I left the business, it would fail. (That's about the only thing he said that I actually believe.) Then he put the onus on me to find a way for him to buy me out without "damaging" him.

He also said (twice), with hands in a praying position, that he hoped I wouldn't completely shut the door because he wanted to remain friends.

He told me we didn't need to get attorney's involved ... we could just save that money and work out a settlement on our own. (Uh, no.)

It was quite enlightening, to say the least. I just told him he had given me some things to think about and left it at that.

He also said he was seeing a psychiatrist and taking Prozac for his depression. I don't know if I believe that one or not.

He also said he was involved with yet another self-help group and he realized his issues arose from his childhood and he was working on that. I did some research on the group and they don't impress me. Hopefully, he really is getting professional help.

We had another discussion, where I again just kept my trap shut, that was lie after lie after lie. All of that was an effort to try to convince me he was doing things for the business that I can prove he isn't. I'm sitting there, listening to all of it, thinking, "Don't you know that I can check up on that?" Truly sad.

Other than that, things have been pretty calm. We did have a disagreement that I took the duct tape off for. He was trying to use the things he's picked up from that group to "analyze" me and my "introverted-ness" based on my childhood upbringing although he knows I had a normal childhood and don't have any skeletons in the closet that need to be dealt with. I was a very happy kid with parents who weren't perfect, but never harmed me in any way. I called him on that BS and went off to spend some time in the bathtub.

The next morning (my birthday), he took my hand and apologized for saying what he did and upsetting me. It felt really strange to have him holding my hand.

He got me a card and flowers for my birthday and took me to dinner.

I'm doing fine, though. His behavior has been pretty much par for the course and hasn't really rankled my feathers. And nothing he's said or done has changed my mind. I am more and more convinced with each passing day that putting an end to all of this is the right thing to do ... for me.

I am the kind of person that tries to avoid hurting or harming others and a D and leaving the business will harm H much more than me (if I'm treated fairly). I really hate to do that to him, but he put us where we are and why should I suffer for years to come because of his poor choices? I am sincerely sorry that he is where he is and I do care about what happens to him. I feel no ill will or vengeance toward him, but enough is enough. I simply have nothing left to give.

I hope everyone is doing well.
2T


Me: 59 and holding
H: :53
Me: 1 S, 1 D, both grown
M: 19
T: 23
BD: 9-23-2013
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I think you did a bang up job of drinking the STFU smoothie and keeping the duct tape on as long as you did. Bottom line, he doesn't want to get up off the money to buy you out and yes, he knows that you are the one that is keeping the business afloat and it could very well go down the toilet if you left. I'm glad you aren't allowing his Kool-Aid mixture confuse you and yes, you definitely need a lawyer to sort the business ends out. The first thing would be to get someone in to do an audit and estimate what the business is worth at the current value and go from there. My sister had to do this when her h died and she began co-owner w/her BIL in the excavating business.

He really is off in La La Land if he thinks that you'll agree to anything he's propsed and from the sound of it, he's not seeking the proper professionals to help him w/his issues.

Bottom line, you know what you need to do to cut the ties and it's up to you when you decide to do so. You've been a very patient woman and have tried everything, but he's still twirling in the wind and you can't continue like this for a very long time. It's time to think of you for a change.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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2T - nice to hear from you. And wow, nice job zipping it. You sure did learn A LOT.

I did laugh out loud that he wants you to find the solution to this problem for him without damaging him. I am sure you, feverishly, are working on that one. Too stupid even to believe.


Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13
BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself
BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room"
8/15: H back to MBR
10/15: H back in dorm room
1/18: H files, now divorced
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I was wondering how things were going with his visit, glad to see your update.

It's the best place to be, when we finally get to the point where we are thinking of what is best for ourselves. I am very happy to hear you are thinking that way, because from what I have seen, they are not thinking of anything but themselves, no matter how much they act like it's all in our best interest.

Take care 2T, you sound really good.


Me 48 H 46 S 11
M 2004
BD 8/13
H moved out 2/15
-live in the present, enjoy the beauty around and within you, explore your new future-
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Happy belated birthday 2T ... and thanks for the visit on my thread. YOu've shown incredible patience in the face of quite a lot. I'm glad to read you're putting your needs first and doing what is necessary to protect and take care of yourself. I'm very proud of you!

xoxoxoxoxo


M 20+ T25+
S ~15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
D 12/23/16

"Someone I loved once gave me
A box full of darkness.
It took me years to understand,
That this too, was a gift."
~ Mary Oliver
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Happy belated birthday 2T!

And, WOW! How did you you manage to keep quiet, you must be so proud of yourself!

How are you feeling about everything? I hope you are well xxx


"There's nothing sadder than a conman conning himself"

“There is freedom waiting for you,
On the breezes of the sky,
And you ask "What if I fall?"
Oh but my darling,
What if you fly?”

-Erin Hanson





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Well, let me chime in too! Happy Belated Birthday!


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Joined: Dec 2012
Posts: 2,202
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Happy belated Birthday, 2T!


M:50
H:52
S28 (my S from previous marriage)
M:17 + 3
BD: 06/12
S: 06/12 - H works in another state
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