What should I be doing (Working toward D 9)

[Coconut]

Hi all,

I'm in the mountains with Son and keeping busy, but just stopping in to say hi. Having a great time myself, but unfortunately my son broke up with his g-friend 1 am on Monday and we left on road trip at 4am... Not really the R free week I wanted, it was his first g-friend and he's pretty bummed, and not talking to me about it so he's just mopping around, but doing my best to try and keep his spirits up.

Blu, I am not willing to do nothing, the house has to go, I can wait for D, but I want to sell the house and S from her..

RSG, great updates on your sitch, doing well bud, keep up the spirits and minimal communication.



previous thread

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2691731#Post2691731

[RSG]

Cnut, thanks for the encouragement!! I'm doing my best. The pangs to contact are nearly gone. Yesterday was huge for me. Sometimes I feel like she's literally a fish out of water, flipping and flopping all over. Some of the info made my mind wander, but nothing too bad.

Sorry to hear about your boy. "Son. Women don't know anything. Like your Mom." Lol. Seriously, I'd like to say it to my S too.....but obviously inappropriate. Glad you're having fun, and I hope he's able to have some too.

[Coconut]

Cadet, thanks for adding the links, service was spotty at best in the mountains but I didn't want to be on electronics anyway...

So had a great work, I only text WW once to tell her when we arrived, and she only text me two or three times the first two days, then I just told son to make sure he text her at least once a day and didn't think about it again. She only came up twice during conversation with father in law, and that was primarily logistical stuff, house, furniture, etc...

I really didn't think about sitch much when gone, but my how things changed once I got back.. A friend who is a friend of hers on Facebook asked me if A was ongoing when we took my nieces to the fire station, I said yes I found out afterwards that it was and why do you ask, and they told me she put pic of my nieces on the fire truck with her as her Facebook picture... Well hello anger, it's been awhile. I text her and told her I'd like her to take that pic down, she shouldn't of brought them there knowing what was going on, and it is a slap in the face to me to put that pic up... She said no... Well hello rage, I thought we were done.

I laid into her, said every mean thing I could think of, and then found some more to say... And started packing my stuff. Gave her a list of valuable marital property that we've accumulated and asked her to identify what she wants so we can start sorting through so I know what I need to pack. She asked why, am I planning on leaving before September, I told her it was likely and am still waiting for the list back.

I've got most of my stuff packed already, except for the garage, but that's gonna be tough to go through and sort out. My plan is to get a storage room and start bringing stuff there, just keeping the stuff I use regularly out until I get my own place. And having a garage sale for most of the stuff in there that is really only needed if you own a home.

[Rose888]

Moving out seems like a really good move. It's nice to see you taking steps to make that happen.

I hope, for your sake and the sake of any future partners, that you are in counseling to address your anger issues and your need to control your partner.

[Natus]

I say the man should be allowed to be angry. Not saying its right or he handled it well or even correctly but i sympathise and understand that anger all to well.

Ofcourse if it becomes a re-occurring theme and is affecting his relationship with son and or other people then okay maybe its time to get some anger management.

[Coconut]

Moving out seems like a really good move. It's nice to see you taking steps to make that happen.

I hope, for your sake and the sake of any future partners, that you are in counseling to address your anger issues and your need to control your partner.

You may not believe me, but I don't have an anger problem, except for my WWs laxidazic attitude towards my feelings. In my life, I've only lost my temper twice before all of this, and I was a teenager those two times and were directed at other guys.. I've never gotten angry on a regular basis before, and in fact maybe get angry once or twice a year, I'm pretty laid back and happy most of the time.

My anger at my W has only been witnessed by son once (other than seeing the busted bathroom door and slashed tires) and that was when she busted into my room and started throwing all my stuff around. The episode yesterday was by text.. He obviously sees that we avoid each other, but that's better than seeing bitterness together, but our infrequent interactions in front of son are courteous and I have never talked poorly of her to him and don't refrain from mentioning mom to him when conversing.

[Zues126]

I say the man should be allowed to be angry. Not saying its right or he handled it well or even correctly but i sympathise and understand that anger all to well.

Ofcourse if it becomes a re-occurring theme and is affecting his relationship with son and or other people then okay maybe its time to get some anger management.

I feel this way too. Frankly the only thing I regret post BD is not doing what Coconut has done. I handled myself like a gentleman from start to finish. I really wish on many days that I had put OM in the hospital and told XW off with words she'd never be able to forget. OK, I don't exactly regret it, but I don't blame anyone for doing this either. Not at all.

[Natus]

I still daydream of kidnapping the OM and i dont even want the W back anymore.

Sorry hijacking your thread.

[Coconut]

Just needed to get some stuff out, no rhyme or reason, just writing...

Feel so lost and confused, I feel like I don’t know where I am or where I want to go, how do I get out of this daze? My sons world is going to be turned upside down, I could stop that by staying were I am, but how do I manage being around her, how do I keep the anger and hurt at bay?

On one hand I relish the freedom, I can leave or I can stay, I’ve always wanted to live in the country and now I have the chance. But do I leave my Son, am I unable to heal without disappearing, am I even able to heal if I do. Will going just make me wish they were there to share in the adventure, will I enjoy it without someone there? But the anger, I’ve never felt such anger, it boils up in me and makes me want to unleash my fury. The pain I feel, it feels so unfair, I want to make her hurt too, but doing so doesn’t take it away from me. I’ve been mean, I’ve been nice, but nothing feels right, I don’t even know what right is anymore.

How do you heal when the person that holds your heart shatters it, how do you get past the indifference to the love that you shared, was it ever real???? How could she do what she did and kiss me hello or goodbye… I want to get away, get as far away from it all as possible, but will it come with me, if it is in me how do I get it out? Do I face it head on, or hide and hope it doesn’t find me, I just want it to go away but no matter how much I wish it away it keeps coming back.

Need to live in the moment, not think about the future or cry about the past, just see today for what it is and make it the best it can be. I can do this, I can be the best me I can be, but then the pain and sadness comes back… Still so much disbelief that this is where my life is, in this moment I am in a place I never thought existed, this place where I’ve lost everything in the world that I ever daydreamed about, planned for, and expected. My demons are real, my need to have a plan and feel like I’m working towards something keep eating away at me, but how do you make a plan to act upon when you don’t even know where you are..

[doodler]

Coconut,

Get a punching bag and a copy of ELO's Evil Woman. Crank up the music and release the hounds.