6 Months since she said i dont love you (4)

[MoveFrwd]

Just relax and do whatever comes natural and feels right.

Nothing else i can do, everything feels so complicated though. I just worry is it real or is it because i dont want to be alone.

Hmmmmm....I have a hard time following this advice. Im not sure doing what "feels right" is the right path to follow.

Instead, Id recommend doing what gets you closer to your goals.

[Natus]

Just relax and do whatever comes natural and feels right.

Nothing else i can do, everything feels so complicated though. I just worry is it real or is it because i dont want to be alone.

Hmmmmm....I have a hard time following this advice. Im not sure doing what "feels right" is the right path to follow.

Instead, Id recommend doing what gets you closer to your goals.

Probably goes hand in hand. As you focus on achieving your goals you feel more at home with yourself and by default be more relaxed and in tune to whats right for you.

But yes i think i will focus on my goals first which is strengthen myself to survive the D, stabilise and enhance my finances and get my freaking bike (grrrr). Thanks for reminding me of this.

[Natus]

Limbo period, waiting for the next change in status.

Right now our son has been staying in the same house and its me and stbx rotating. As the process of selling the house moves forward we are going to have the hard talk about custody.

Shes offered to have him on weekdays (her excuse is its easy for her to send him to school as her office is 15 mins away) and for me to have him on Fridays-Sundays. I feel her reasoning is flawed cause i have no problem sending him to school on weekdays either and it sounds like she just want to have her weekends free.

I dont mind having S5 on weekends to be honest that means more quality time rather than on the work week but at the same it means no weekends for me either. Kind of surprised i feel that way..almost like im selfish.

[Coconut]

Natus,

Take the deal dude... I'm sure in the back of your mind you don't want her to just have her weekends free to do whatever she wants, but the reality is that it's easy enough to find a sitter when you want to go out (or you can ask her to watch him), and there is a lot of weekend time when she won't be doing something and she'll be sitting in an empty house.

As for you, you will get a lot of quality time with your son. you won't have to rush through dinner, homework, and bath after school and not get the quality time.

[Natus]

stbx got sent to Dubai for training. S5 been with me the whole week and then until 2nd Oct. Its been awesome but also triggers, a constant reminder that we are no longer a happy family.

I make sure we play and go to the park and get ice cream but at the end of the day after putting him to sleep my mask cracks a little bit.

I hoped i was further along the detached train however a stupid episode and a dream where she was walking around with another man woke me up and left me feeling sick to my stomach.

[Natus]

12hrs later i think im understanding why the sudden crop up in feelings.

Im reacting to things that make me sad and compounding them into the break-up. Things like the slowness to find something better, the time its taking to sell the house, struggling business, coping with being single, myriad of other things that havnt pan-ed out.

[Natus]

Coming up on 8 months since BD and 4 months into physical sep.

Things have been slow in terms of milestones, still waiting to get house sold, still no bike (partially due to finances tied to house) but i have been GAL a lot. Weekend drives out to neighbouring countries and such.

I bumped into a girl i went on a few dates with when i was 18. Kindof weirdly coincidental. We have been going out a bit reminiscing about our youth and what happened in the 13-15 years in between.

I guess i am moving on.

[Natus]

I guess people reading my thread (especially newbies) may think why am i here if im not trying to save the marriage.

DB may or may not save your marriage but it can save you.

I made so many mistakes the first few months (and still am but less now) because i was "trying" so hard to win her back. Since then i've focused on being a better me and my son.

There are some positives now such as the stbx thanking me for being strict with her quite recently, making her want to be better for our son. Before when BD and the next few months one of her major gripes was that im a uptight, self righteous hard ass (her words). Its interesting to note now shes thanking me for the same qualities that she was complaining about.

Shes buying me gifts during her travels. Probably not a biggie but im almost actively avoided her / no-contact so i was not expecting anything.

She sends me pics / updates during her travels and stuff. This part is hard, i've been actively avoiding you for months so im trying to balance no contact and being cordial.

Im cordial but kinda cold in our interactions (in that way that i dont stick around for conversations) but she makes more effort to be nice and tries to initiate convo.

I've asked her directly when are we going to file.(once recently because i feel im ready for it). She says to hold out until after house is sold. We already have an agreement in place to split the sale anyway cause we co-own and pay 50/50 for the house anyway. Not really a big issue for me.

I might be reading to much into it but some may think these are postive-ish signs.

As for me i dont look for positive signs anymore. She's poisoned the well that was my feelings for her. The betrayal shook my core and im literally not the same guy anymore and im embracing it.

[Natus]

Finally getting some traction on selling the house. Booyah. Freedom awaits. I can almost taste it.

[Vanilla]

Pleased about the house

V