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Pace yourself my friend and you will reach the finish line. You are so patient with everyone else but you also deserve the gift of your loving patience my friend.

So excited to hear about your course. Exciting chapter in the wonderful book of Lou.


M:25 years at BD w/ 2 daughters
BD: 5/14
Separated 6/14 - H moved cross country w/OW
D Final 9/17

“I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it.”
― Maya Angelou



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Hi Lou!

I just wanted to firstly thank you for stopping by my thread, I appreciate your kind reply.

I've not been around much, I feel like I'm always out, walking miles and miles a day, maybe hiding from my situation.

I have t caught up with your old posts, just this thread, and I wanted to congratulate you on enrolling on your course. I went back to university myself to change careers, and I'm now close to completing all my work. I will be graduating in December, I cannot wait for that life changing celebration. I believe in education as the cure for many problems, I'm not sure what your course is on, but I wish you all the best.

Take care smile


"There's nothing sadder than a conman conning himself"

“There is freedom waiting for you,
On the breezes of the sky,
And you ask "What if I fall?"
Oh but my darling,
What if you fly?”

-Erin Hanson





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Hi Lou - Just stopping by to check on you and see how your summer is going?


M:25 years at BD w/ 2 daughters
BD: 5/14
Separated 6/14 - H moved cross country w/OW
D Final 9/17

“I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it.”
― Maya Angelou



Joined: Nov 2014
Posts: 574
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LouR Offline OP
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Hi Gwen, lovely to hear from you, I will post on your thread over the weekend as I have a couple of days off to catch up. Its winter here so a bit chilly and there is snow on the ranges which looks beautiful. I am looking forward to summer, I miss the warmth so much.

Esame, thank you for stopping by and for your kind words.

So quickish update from me, its been a long story so will give you the short version.

First study update - I sent in my last assignment today, 8 weeks ahead of schedule so really proud of that. Juggling work and study has been hard but I seem to pull it together somehow. The course leader rang me today and has decided to start me off on my next course early so I am starting it on Monday, this one consists of 4 papers. I know its only low level courses but it has given me confidence and the knowledge that I am not as dumb as my mother always told me I am.

Both s19 and S22 are doing well, they have their ups and downs but are currently happy so I am grateful for that.

So to the h update, I know you love them ha ha.

H has resigned from his job and is moving to my location mid sept when his rental lease and work notice has finished. He asked me to choose the location that we will live in as he spent all our married life dragging me around the world and it is about time I had a say. I have chosen my current location, I feel that s19 still needs a bit of support from the sidelines and it is also a familiar place to both h and I so we only have to contend with focusing on us and not a whole new life.

The current plan is for him to move to my house and then we will look for a new place (rental) together once he is here. I can't have pets at my home so we have to move, but I feel it will be a good thing for us - a new start, new relationship, new home. H will join an agency while he looks for a permanent job and then once he has work I will leave my job and find one that fits better with me and my study.

Feelings wise - full range from happy and excited to nervous and worried. I know this is a huge step, it has not been taken lightly as we know it will affect the boys and his family, but we feel ready and we have to jump in with both feet sometime and have faith everything will work out. He has been very cautious throughout this time and I am now very pleased we did this on the slow path and not rushed it, it will be a year since he asked to be back in my life. He continues with therapy and will find a new therapist once moved so that he continues to have support dealing with his thoughts and feelings, which is going to be important in the early months of us living together again. I will also continue to go to IC as I am sure its going to be a challenge at times for me also.

So there is it. Hopefully we continue to move forwards, it all seems a bit surreal right now. 7 weeks to go .........

I know I say this often but I want to say thank you again to all of you. Your love and support since I joined the board has got me through so many dark times, you have pushed me along when I was down and out, you have celebrated my triumphs, I am and always will be truly grateful to you all. The challenges I face over the coming months dont feel so daunting when I know I have you all by my side.

xoxo

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You sound good Lou! I am excited for your upcoming changes. I can understand being nervous! You have been through so much and have remained level headed and patient. I think of you often and try to follow that lead!

I look forward to your updates, please keep them coming.

Best wishes smile
M


Me 48 H 46 S 11
M 2004
BD 8/13
H moved out 2/15
-live in the present, enjoy the beauty around and within you, explore your new future-
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Lou,

You sound very good. As for your h moving to your area, keep things at a very slow pace and those expectations...toss them out because it's going to be a long time before he's settled back down into his own skin. You will need to remember that you both have changed quite a bit and this is a brand new relationship.

Look forward to hearing how you are doing in the days ahead.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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Thank you M and job for your support and advice, this is a whole new territory I have wandered into so will need help navigating my way through - and who better to have guiding me, my trusty DB peeps.

S19 now knows and I have the job of telling s22 which I will do this weekend. S19 took the news really well, he looked a little surprised but he is ok with it. After a few days I asked him if he wanted to talk about it or if he wanted to say anything, he said no, he was ok with it, happy if we are happy. He said he can't believe its been over 2years since his d left, its like he has just been away and is coming home ....which in a sense he is. So one s down, one to go.

Last weekend h talked to me about furniture, we had a small issue surrounding his bed which I refuse to have in my house even as the spare (she has slept etc on it), he did not understand, to him it is just a really expensive bed and nothing more, but in the end he agreed to sell it. We have decided on only a few things of his and we will make do with my stuff, its perfectly usable and it will be nice to save up for some joint purchases in the future .....oh look at me, talking future, that sounds a lot more optimistic than I was at the beginning of the week!!

Its been a hard week at work, I really ache today, only one more shift to go and I have the weekend off. I am having a girlfriend over for dinner Saturday night - I went to hers last Sunday evening, a few to many bottles of wine and lots of laughs later ....ha ha ha, got to do it occasionally, but we both paid for it on Monday!! On Sunday I MUST get on with my assignment, I want to get a couple done before h arrives as realistically I know he will be a distraction and I don't want to fall behind, I have worked too hard. I know he will make me sit down and do some study, he has been very supportive, which is a new side of him.

So his resignation is in, his notice on his rental is in, so in 6 weeks time he will be moving to me. So far so good - hopefully not the calm before the storm. Still a lot of hurdles to jump and mountains to climb, I am still not convinced that he has found a way past the guilt and can make the thought an action, but only one way to find out ......

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WOW!
Ok, so ... you have it in perspective. You will take it slow and give yourself and H space when you need it. You will stay in the present knowing this is a new relationship. These are not easy things but you can do it!

School - I knew you'd ace it! I'm a big fan you know! You my dear have also come a long, long way and are an inspiration to me! xoxoxoxoxoxo wish we were in the same room so I could give you a big bear hug of joy smile
love you Lou, take care and keep us posted


M 20+ T25+
S ~15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
D 12/23/16

"Someone I loved once gave me
A box full of darkness.
It took me years to understand,
That this too, was a gift."
~ Mary Oliver
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Lou, congratulations on your achievements at school! Great job! It must be very satisfying and exciting!

Very interesting and inspiring developments with your H! You are so wise to take it slow though. I’m very excited for you! You’ve got everything you need to make it work, Lou. The only thing I would like to remind you is to keep your expectations low. This road to reconciliation is not an easy one, even though it looks simple. There will be ups and downs, but I have all the confidence in you, that you are the one who pull it through. Can’t wait for further updates!


M:50
H:52
S28 (my S from previous marriage)
M:17 + 3
BD: 06/12
S: 06/12 - H works in another state
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Lou - I wish you only the best and most authentic life. You deserve it! Sending you only the best and keeping you in my prayers. Please keep us updated as time allows.


M:25 years at BD w/ 2 daughters
BD: 5/14
Separated 6/14 - H moved cross country w/OW
D Final 9/17

“I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it.”
― Maya Angelou



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