I'm probably not a great one to give dating advice since I have not actually HAD a date, but I would definitely open up a little more and lean on him a little more. It couldn't hurt...IF you feel comfortable with that. Best wishes!
Me 52, H53 Bomb drop 9/29/2014 Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014 Marriage #2 12/31/2019 5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships) 6 grandkids
When I look at pictures of myself now vs. 5, 8, or even 10 years ago, I look much younger and prettier than back then. Hope and happiness are powerful.
My Guy was amazingly patient with me. I was a train wreck when we started dating. I had NO game. So awkward and openly suspicious of him. My teeth chattered from nerves & anxiety when we kissed. But I got over it.
I don't like dating. I just like him.
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
Things with My Guy are great. No complaints there.
But the rest of it is not easy. I have a really hard job, and juggling it with the kids is not working well at all. There are about 500 moving parts all the time and I'm really shortchanging both. There is no more money to throw at this problem and I don't know how to solve it. I work so hard but I'm dropping balls and missing targets left and right. I have so little support. I know I have it a lot better than so many of you on this board but I'm stretched as far as I'll go and it's nowhere near enough.
D13 just told me to quit acting like a kicked puppy because I told her to ask before making cinnamon buns in the middle of the day. She was being flat out mean to all of us for no reason and I just don't care about dealing with it.
My kids are all capable of being a lot more helpful but I have to micromanage every little thing and repeat myself seventeen times and monitor for sneakiness. I know this is normal but I'm just DONE. We're in an all hands on deck situation here and I can't be the only responsible person in the house.
Mr. Fantastic had the NERVE to send me an email the other day in response to a Facebook post I put up about S10's interest in complicated science. He said "I've never been a fan of private education before but it seems to me that might be appropriate for S10 to encourage him more in his interests. If that isn't an option then maybe some kind of after school program?"
It took me two days to come down from the outraged tone I wanted to take with him. How dare he suggest I take on MORE unmanageable expenses and transportation obligations when I'm not even keeping my head above water as it is. Knowing I had to reply to him, I finally managed to very crisply point out that there isn't even money set aside for the children for college and I didn't see how to manage private education, and that I have zero capacity for additional extracurricular activities.
This touches such a nerve since those things WOULD have been an option for all three of my very talented children if Mr. Fantastic weren't so incredibly childish. I feel so inadequate for the weight I carry and when it becomes too heavy I just can't help but want to kick him where it counts for leaving me in this situation.
To add to the aggravation, My Guy spent the last two evenings here with me and the kids, having dinner and just generally spending time with us. He added such an incredible energy to my home. He's super calm and can watch the kids' antics with a certain amusement and sympathy. He's supportive and participates in a way that reinforces me without being intrusive. When he's not here I feel the weight of my responsibilities so much more. But then, this isn't his job, and I have to be able to do all this without him.
Yesterday was the one-year anniversary of my moving into MY house. So much has happened in the last year. I can't believe I've navigated all this. In another year again my life will look SO different than what it does now, and i'll be amazed again at how much I accomplished. I won't remember moments like this one when I fell to my knees. But at the moment it's hard to see how it will all happen.
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
'been an option for all three of my very talented children if Mr. Fantastic weren't so incredibly childish. I feel so inadequate for the weight I carry and when it becomes too heavy I just can't help but want to kick him where it counts for leaving me in this situation.'
I know what you mean and I feel for you.
(((Maybell)))
No advice as I am struggling with this as well.
You can call me Dory/ Grl.
As a wise fish once sang,"Just keep swimming!"
It's no use to go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.
Unfortunately I have no wise words of wisdom, but I'm so sorry you are struggling. Hang in there!
Me 52, H53 Bomb drop 9/29/2014 Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014 Marriage #2 12/31/2019 5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships) 6 grandkids
Maybell, sorry you are having a hard time. I found it difficult being a working mom with three kids at home even when I was M. I wish we lived close enough I could help you. (((MB)))
Two bad rejections at work yesterday and an hour on the phone with my mother has left me deep in the dumps today. My Guy is traveling for work which triggers me from Mr. Fantastic in ways I haven't been able to explain to him (nor do I want to). My S10 is giving me huge heartburn -- He's SO forgetful and inattentive. Like, way beyond normal. Either I do well at work OR I do well at home but not both at once.
My Guy & I don't say ILY. I've come close to it sometimes, and I hint around it sometimes, but I don't get the feeling he wants to hear it. And he only tells me he likes me, or he likes me a whole lot, or if something is troubling me, he says he cares. Sunday he added that I'm a fantastic girlfriend. I want to rely on him more, but I don't know that it's safe or appropriate to until I hear something stronger from him.
Also I talked to my mom yesterday for an hour. She just digs all the time for the hurt spots, ranting about Mr. Fantastic and how awful he is. It makes things 100x harder when she dredges all that up. And when I try to talk about My Guy she brushes it off and doesn't ask any questions at all. She loves the drama. In the meantime I feel stuck in a box -- she doesn't want to connect with Maybell, she wants drama about The Divorced Daughter to report to her friends. And yesterday she even asked if I was doing ok for money! I was so offended.
In short, I'm having a rough day. I wish I could just go home and start my weekend.
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
First, I'm really sorry you are having a bad day. (((MB)))
Originally Posted By: Maybell
Also I talked to my mom yesterday for an hour. She just digs all the time for the hurt spots, ranting about Mr. Fantastic and how awful he is. It makes things 100x harder when she dredges all that up. And when I try to talk about My Guy she brushes it off and doesn't ask any questions at all. She loves the drama. In the meantime I feel stuck in a box -- she doesn't want to connect with Maybell, she wants drama about The Divorced Daughter to report to her friends. And yesterday she even asked if I was doing ok for money! I was so offended.
Maybell, you may be 100% accurate about your mom's motivations. But here's another way to look at it. My mom has never asked me once in the past two years if I'm ok financially. She has never asked if I'm ok, period. She doesnt' ask about mr p, she doesn't ask if I'm dating. She pretends that part of my life doesn't exist. Maybe your mom is doing what she can to connect, maybe that's all she can manage. I think I'd take awkward questions over pretending my entire adult life didn't exist.
As for the ILY, you know how I feel about that. I say take the risk, say it if you feel it. What's going to happen? He says it back and then you are happy? He doesn't say it and it stings but you know that he actually does? He doesn't say it and you realize he doesn't love you? Wouldn't you rather know now? This isn't your first date with him, you are talking about a future. If you love him, I think you should say so.
Take the weekend to relax and recharge, sweetie, you need it.
Best wishes!