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kml Offline
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Had to laugh about the living room furniture. When I first moved into my new house after the divorce, I had a bed, a dining table, two beach chairs and a small tv lol. Since I had a lot of renovations to do (paint the whole interior, new carpet, new windows) I just lived like that for a few months....really very nice and zen, I enjoyed it!

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Will be living like that for a few weeks! Living room and dining room furniture won't ship right away... At least I will have a bedroom set for me and bedroom furniture for the kids by the time they start staying there.

W was all over the map with her mood this weekend... One minute friendly then the next minute either monstering or just not speaking to me at all. I really have no clue what she is mad about right now. I am out of the house in less than 2 weeks and am doing my best to stay under the radar until then. The wishful thinking side of me wants to believe that OW is pulling away in some form or fashion which is affecting W's mood -- or that subconsciously W is beginning to be bothered by the thought of me moving out and away from her, but that is only wishful thinking... No signs or evidence to indicate that is happening... Who knows... Could all just be hormonal. What ever it is -- I am looking forward to not being around it on a daily basis once I move out.

Today I find myself thinking really happy thoughts about the new place and how I am going to do some of the decorating :-)


Me 48, Her 50
(Same-Sex Couple)
3 Children
Together: 9.5 years before BD
BD: Week of 10/27/14
ExW started EA w OW 9/2014
ExW married OW 12/2015
Joined: Jan 2015
Posts: 334
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Jer2911 Offline OP
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Quick update... Have now been in the new place for over a week and it is wonderful... For the first time in months... perhaps even longer than I realized... I can think clearly... It's almost as if I've been in a fog (instead of W) and it does feel so much like a fog has lifted from my mind.

This is allowing me to think much more clearly about myself, my kids, life in general, and the sitch with W. Met her and OW for coffee yesterday morning and it was actually very pleasant. I feel so completely detached now -- nothing she did or said phased me and she seemed much more at ease and happy than she has in months. OW is very nice... very young and probably not fully aware of what she is getting involved in, but very nice, smart, and funny.

I love the new house -- it has SUCH great energy and I feel so comfortable and at home there. I am looking forward to the future -- no matter what it holds... My faith continues to grow stronger and I know that regardless of what the final outcome is, it will be whatever God's plan is for our lives. Feeling very peaceful with that even though it means that I have to live with more uncertainty about the future than I ever have in my entire life. Maybe that's part of this midlife process for the LBS -- to learn that the future is always uncertain regardless of what we think or try to plan. That doesn't mean we can't or shouldn't have hopes, dreams, and plans for the future -- but just need to be aware that anything and everything can change in an instant through no fault of our own.

So this is where I am now. I don't know exactly if we will ever come back together again as a family, but I am feeling so much at peace with everything that the uncertainty doesn't bother me or fill me with fear or sadness. Life is good...


Me 48, Her 50
(Same-Sex Couple)
3 Children
Together: 9.5 years before BD
BD: Week of 10/27/14
ExW started EA w OW 9/2014
ExW married OW 12/2015
Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 2,538
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Jer - delighted to hear your update - you really are a class act and what an amazing example for your children.

Your wife is an idiot, but that is her problem, and will be for the rest of her life.

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I am so glad you posted an update. Wow! You have moved into your own home and it's wonderful! That's fantastic! Yep, you will see more clearly as you move along the path because you aren't directly in the eye of the storm each and every day. You will find your home is quiet and peaceful for all who enter.

You've been a very classy lady in all of this. Your wife is an utter fool.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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Jer, I was so pleased to read your update. I'm new to the MLC part of the forum, but have posted in infidelity for a while. It truly sounds like you have come a long way in recent months. Particularly in terms of forgiveness, and being able to meet the AP and feel so detached. That's such an achievement.

I'm so pleased you are settling into your new place. I moved out of our MH at BD and lived with my parents for almost 5 months. I was so excited to get a place of my own again, and I really enjoyed doing things to it without reference to anyone else. It must feel great to be at peace more, and in your own environment.

I was interested to read about the card. When I visited our MH recently, H had cleared his desk of papers. It had been overflowing, and was completely clear. He had kept something we did together just before BD, and it really surprised me that he hadn't tossed it. I think it is part of that push/pull of MLC. One the one hand, they want to boot you right out of their life. Yet on another, there is a pull back towards what has been lost.

Best wishes to you going forwards!

T xx

Last edited by Toots; 06/13/15 04:27 PM.

T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
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Another quick update...

Continuing to settle in to the new place. Love it here...

We have started our rotation schedule with the kids and this is taking a lot of adjustment... Not sure if their behaviors are because of the adjustment, because of way too much time with grandparents in June, because of some homesickness, or combination of all of the above -- probably a big combination... But I have noticed that the longer they are around me (or around exW) the better the behavior becomes. In other words, right when I get them from their grandmother the behavior is off the wall but after a few days they settle down a bit -- especially after we've had some time to do some one-on-one time and talk to one another... Behavior is not quite so off the wall when I get them directly from exW.

ExW seems to be communicating with me much better. Not as friendly as I hope we will eventually become, but so much better than before I moved out. OW is very much still in the picture and I am certain that the wedding plans are still on.

Have recently had some interesting conversations with various friends and family members -- and all say they are still on "Team Jer" and that they have told my exW this. I know that will probably slow down the process of exW and I developing a friendly relationship because I am sure she is not happy that they are on my side in all of this... But it is what it is, and all of it is a result of her MLC and the choices she made as a result.

As for me -- new job still going incredibly great! Also getting out now with various friends on the weekends when I don't have the kids... and getting asked out by a few different people as the word spreads that I am single again (the news didn't really break among the wider circle of friends and acquaintances until I moved out)... So I am taking people up on the dates, but making it very clear that I am not looking for anything serious right now and just looking to get out and have fun with friends... But remaining open to getting to know people better and being completely honest about what I am going through in terms of processing everything that has happened over the past year - year and a half. Even got an invite to church with a guy that I work with - no worries, he's straight and knows that I'm not, so even though he is also recently divorced the invitation was strictly on the friendship level and I am taking him up on the invite this weekend. For the most part, all of this is a lot of fun and it helps that the people who have asked me out recently completely understand where I am with everything and are okay with just hanging out as friends and enjoying each other's company at that level. But I must admit that it is nice to see the level of interest once the news started to spread -- especially from people who do already know me... It means that regardless of the spew that came from exW over the past several months, I am not the horrible person she has made me out to be and a lot of other people recognize that and find me attractive on many different levels (not just physically). This has been an ego-boost that I didn't even know I needed until it started to happen (when the date invites started to happen).

I am off work today and get to spend the day with the kiddos -- so time for me to log off and get in some valuable quality time with them.

Life is good...


Me 48, Her 50
(Same-Sex Couple)
3 Children
Together: 9.5 years before BD
BD: Week of 10/27/14
ExW started EA w OW 9/2014
ExW married OW 12/2015
Joined: Jan 2015
Posts: 334
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Updates...

Rotation schedule continues and the kids seem to be adjusting better now that we are in a routine. They still makes comments occasionally about being sad about the breakup, and I encourage them to share their thoughts and feelings... Trying very hard to let them voice what they are thinking and feeling as they try to process all of this for themselves.

Communication between exW and me continues to get better. Almost friendly -- and much better than earlier in the summer. OW and marriage plans still in the picture, so there is nothing about this better communication that makes me think she's waking up... That is so far down the road -- if it ever happens -- and I really don't know where I will be when that happens... For now, and especially for the kids' sake, I am just grateful for the more friendly tone between the two of us. Have had some "business" talks recently that went really well also -- things like sharing/splitting the expenses for the kids and managing the rotation schedule with flexibility and understanding when things come up.

My outings with friends continue -- even when I have the kids I am able to schedule things with other single friends who have their kids at the same time so we all have fun together. However, last night I was supposed to go to dinner with someone I used to date (who is now interested in me and has revealed that she knew it was a mistake to breakup with me when she did but she was just in a weird place then and couldn't handle the thought of a relationship...), and early in the day it just didn't feel right (even though we've already been out together for dinner a couple of times over the past month) so I backed out. Felt so much better after I backed out of it... Not sure I understand completely what or why I felt that way about the date and about backing out of it -- still trying to process that for myself... I don't think it's a simple as "not ready to date" because I do feel I am ready to explore possibilities if any arise... but something was/is going on that made me back out and feel good about it... (And yes, I did have a strong spiritual sense that backing out of the date was part of God directing my steps to keep me on whatever path He has for me at this time)... And then, for the first time in MONTHS, I slept in REALLY late for no reason at all (went to bed early too)... When I finally did get out of bed I had breakfast then went to the gym, then came home and cleaned house for the rest of the day... Not sure what is going on with me right now... Aside from dealing with an MLCer/exW and coping with our broken home, everything else in life seems to be going really well -- job is great, finances are great, staying connected spiritually, doing things with friends as often as I want (which means when I want/need alone time I get it, but no shortage of folks to do stuff with every evening if I feel like getting out of the house for some healthy socializing)... I guess this is just all part of the process for me and I just need to "go with the flow" and continue to trust that God is directing my steps toward whatever He has planned next for me...


Me 48, Her 50
(Same-Sex Couple)
3 Children
Together: 9.5 years before BD
BD: Week of 10/27/14
ExW started EA w OW 9/2014
ExW married OW 12/2015
Joined: Jul 2016
Posts: 443
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any updates? been almost a year, curious to hear what's going on.


Me(W): 29 EXW: 30
T: 6 M: 2
SD: 10
BD: 04/2016
PS: 04/2016
W officially "seeing" someone 09/2016
W filed 03/2017
Officially Divorced 11/2017
Joined: Jan 2015
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Jer2911 Offline OP
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Wow -- so much has happened in the past year...

I'll just give a quick update here and then take some time this evening to post more in detail... I have missed this forum and the reflective space it provides during this crazy journey.

ExW is still deep in replay and "happy" as far as I can tell. I don't live with her anymore so all I can observe now is the mask she wears in public. OW moved to this country last year and they got married right before Christmas. Didn't bother me as much as I thought it would -- possibly because 1. I know it is part of replay and 2. I continue to detach more and more as time goes on.

My job continues to go well and I am actively seeking promotion opportunities. Fingers crossed! I am also launching a new business on the side that will provide some additional income. I have managed to stay in good shape physically (staying healthy, working out), and several months ago my doc agreed to that it was time to get off of the AD and anti-anxiety meds... I still have one anti-anxiety med that I can take occasionally as needed and find that there are a few days per month where something will trigger some anxiety and I will use the med. I am also back in therapy though to continue with my process and to manage the lingering anxiety. I also continue to develop my relationship with God and am enjoying the peace that comes from an evolving spiritual journey.

The kids are now used to the living situation with their now "expanded" family. It still breaks my heart that this is the reality for them, but have used this past year to grow in my skills as a parent.

My exW and I get along very well. I haven't seen "monster" in months. However, very recently -- just last week -- she unfriended me and my family from Facebook. I have no clue why she did this. My initial reaction was one of anger quickly followed by grief (she does post pics of the kids and I will miss this), but I recovered quickly and realized that I didn't need to know why she chose to do this now after all of this time and especially since we all seem to be getting along so well. The reason why is anyone's guess since she is in MLC replay mode.

I have been dating someone for the past several months, but I don't expect it to last. Will go into greater detail later, but I am realizing that I need a lot more time on my own to sort through "me" and to continue my process/journey. I wasn't looking for anyone to start dating when this happened -- just reconnected with an old friend and one thing led to another. It was fun initially and certainly made me feel nice (wanted, appreciated, etc), but overall I don't think this is what I want or need right now.

I'll stop here for now... But will definitely work to expand on all of this later on this thread. There is a lot more to explain and to reflect on -- and all of it is relevant to the LBS journey.

Overall though -- I am doing well and moving forward on the path to healing and wholeness :-)


Me 48, Her 50
(Same-Sex Couple)
3 Children
Together: 9.5 years before BD
BD: Week of 10/27/14
ExW started EA w OW 9/2014
ExW married OW 12/2015
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