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Joined: Jun 2016
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That is what the WW does.....most people here will tell you their S are not the same person as who they married....


W:42 M:48
T:9 yrs M:1yr
BD: Feb 2016
EA Confirmed: Feb 2016/PA July 2016
D: Feb 2017

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Posts: 253
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maybs Offline OP
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The other thing that's really driving me nuts about this whole situation is I can for the most part understand why she has said most of the things to me that she has said. I can understand why she currently feels the way she feels and that the things she's saying about me aren't necessarily true, she just feels that way right now.

But her mom abandoned her family when she was a teenager. Like just said she was going on a business trip and didn't come home for like 5 years... and this feels like that and I know I can't make her see anything she isn't ready to see herself yet but it's hard for me to believe she doesn't see that.

Like I said I know she's going through some stuff mentally and emotionally with all the health stuff that's been going on with her and I can get it. But I question if she even really understands fully what divorcing means... She still relies on me for a lot of stuff, she never even took separating seriously and part of that was my fault. Until the last week I have been way to available to her and way too willing to do everything I could to help her. Which I now know was the wrong way to approach things... but I don't even feel like she really understands what divorce means for "us"

She's just so focused on getting out as fast as she can because she thinks I'm her problem and if she gets rid of me she will be completely happy.


W:32 M:26
T:5 yrs M: 3 yr
BD: JUN 2016
W Moved out: early JUL 2016
W Filed for D: mid JUL 2016
EA: 06/16?
PA: 07/16
Moved in w/ ow: 07/16
D final: 10/16
Joined: Jul 2016
Posts: 253
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maybs Offline OP
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So last night I was upset about the D papers. But I feel like somehow I've found peace with it.

I refrained from trying to contact her yesterday about the papers and I feel better that I didn't try to talk to her, I feel good that I stuck to my 180 on this one.

I'm here to work on being the best me I can be and I'm working on detaching from this situation.


W:32 M:26
T:5 yrs M: 3 yr
BD: JUN 2016
W Moved out: early JUL 2016
W Filed for D: mid JUL 2016
EA: 06/16?
PA: 07/16
Moved in w/ ow: 07/16
D final: 10/16
Joined: Apr 2016
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That is fast. And I'm sorry that you are in this position.

That said, think of things this way: how would your actual life be any different if you were divorced RIGHT THIS SECOND? In my opinion, the divorce itself is just reporting your relationship status to the government. So don't sweat it. Keep working towards your goals.

You can do it.

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Hi Maybeep. Just read through your thread and you are dealing with an incredibly tough situation extremely well. From your first post to now you dealing with it much better and are accepting that you can't control your W

IMHO you are accepting your part in the M breakdown and that's a major step but don't try and take all the blame. Your Ws illness must be very tough for her and may / may not be an influence in all this. Cadet has provided his excellent homework and others have offered sage advice.

Deal with your reality , that doesn't mean you have to like it or want it but dealing with it allows you to move forward and not stagnate Things can change in a heart beat in our lives and the next chapter in your story isn't written yet. You have control over you so use that to its fullest. Do things for you , improve those areas of yourself that need improving. Enjoy your life , yes a large part is cr@p right now but know whatever the outcome things will be good again

Positive thoughts heading your way

Take care. Rd

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maybs Offline OP
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Darkness that's a good point. The way things are exactly right this second wouldn't change at all.

It just feels so final...like if it goes through there's no chance... which rationally I know doesn't necessarily have to be true. But emotionally it feels very FINAL. ya know?


W:32 M:26
T:5 yrs M: 3 yr
BD: JUN 2016
W Moved out: early JUL 2016
W Filed for D: mid JUL 2016
EA: 06/16?
PA: 07/16
Moved in w/ ow: 07/16
D final: 10/16
Joined: Jul 2016
Posts: 253
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maybs Offline OP
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Something I would appreciate some advice about.

Up until this point I have been in charge of our financials, originally when she said she wanted a divorce I did try to set boundaries for things like our financials but she was not interested in having that conversation.
In the beginning I was continuing to pay all of our bills so they didn't fall behind.
But at this point I feel that I should not be responsible for paying the things that are in her name. She asked me to get a separate bank account so I did and no longer use our joint account but she does.

I mentioned previous that last week before going dark I did try to contact her to talk about her bills and what she is responsible for but she did not call me back. I debated with sending her a list of usernames and passwords for her to be able to go do it herself but that seems like I'm still basically doing it for her....

At this point what do I do? I know she is expecting me to make sure everything is paid for her but that isn't fair to me.

I guess what am I afraid of? That she's going to get mad and divorce me? She's already doing that.... It just feels mean.


W:32 M:26
T:5 yrs M: 3 yr
BD: JUN 2016
W Moved out: early JUL 2016
W Filed for D: mid JUL 2016
EA: 06/16?
PA: 07/16
Moved in w/ ow: 07/16
D final: 10/16
Joined: May 2016
Posts: 293
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Stop paying her bills and make sure you protect your money.

Now.

If you actually do get a D, will you still be responsible for paying her bills? She has to come to the realization that D changes everything. She's an adult, so she has to do adult things. You've reached out to her to help her and she ignored you.

Many on here will say you have to protect your finances ASAP. When my W left me I sprung into action to protect myself financially as much as possible. My W has been really good about our joint account but I don't let my guard down.

You aren't being mean. You are being real. She left you holding the bag. That's mean.


M 55 W 52
MR 32 T 34+
D29
BD May 8, 2016 - She moved out
ILYBNILWY May 15 (Through email)
No EA/PA
August 23 - DB used against me in every way
Divorce July 18, 2017 - Life is getting better every day
RDS #2693576 07/30/16 07:25 AM
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One thing I forgot to mention maybeep, don't ignore paying her bills if it would damage your financial situation. Other than that, she should be on her own.


M 55 W 52
MR 32 T 34+
D29
BD May 8, 2016 - She moved out
ILYBNILWY May 15 (Through email)
No EA/PA
August 23 - DB used against me in every way
Divorce July 18, 2017 - Life is getting better every day
RDS #2693578 07/30/16 07:37 AM
Joined: Jul 2016
Posts: 253
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maybs Offline OP
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Thanks RDS. I think I just needed reassurance that I was doing the right thing. I feel bad for her but she did this to herself. If she wants to be divorced then she needs to see what that means.

Quite frankly I was a little sick of being responsible for her financially. I was sick of always being the bad guy for having to say no to her when she wanted to spend ridiculous amounts of money. But she never had any interest in helping with our financials so it always kind of fell to me.


W:32 M:26
T:5 yrs M: 3 yr
BD: JUN 2016
W Moved out: early JUL 2016
W Filed for D: mid JUL 2016
EA: 06/16?
PA: 07/16
Moved in w/ ow: 07/16
D final: 10/16
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