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HAHA. CT, they are certifiable. They remind me of a female version of the residents of Cuckoo's Nest. (If you haven't seen that movie, you must watch it! Google One flew over the Cuckoo's Nest) As you realize the WW is just nuts, you're better able to keep the focus on you and your kids.

I'm doing better with everything. When I got home W texted to say I emailed you, did you get it? It was a fairly long list of things she noticed about S she wished to address. At first glance, I felt pushed into a corner, angry and defensive. I replied Wow, that's a lot. She said she just wanted to tell me what she saw and not let it go. I just said ok, hope S has a great rest of the day. Basically, I thought it outrageous that a woman who walked out on her family and neglected her S for 6mos was questioning my parenting.

I listened to the voice in my head, and stopped communicating. I took my dog out for a long walk, and let my head clear. It was a great walk, and I calmed down. I realized she was actually looking out for little guy, being the perfectionist and worrisome Mom I recognize rather than just attacking me. I'm taking things too personally, but I think I took a nice step forward by not lashing out. I think a few weeks ago I may have started an argument....

I'm going to respond later tonight, and use it as a way to validate. I was going to address each item point by point, but I realize that's a little too much contact. I should just write a paragraph or so and leave it at that. I do also see though that since I've gone dim, she's trying to find more and more ways to contact me.


Me: 35 W: 32
S: 4
T: 6 M: 4
Physical Separation official: 5/21
Currently: DR/DBing, Focusing on me and son

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Do NOT address it point by point. Acknowledge you understand her concerns, push back slightly if you need on some things.

Keep it short. And simple.

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"I can understand why you would think this way about our S. You have some great points here. He's doing well, but I believe some things you suggested could be part of a good plan for him to do better. Would you be open for a coffee sometime so that we can discuss this in person? Email might confuse us on a few points. Let me know."

I guess that could work if you want face time or at least it's an example of how I would get thru it without a point by point response. It validates, but you don't say "yes, of course dear" as the terms "some" and "could" are non-commital, yet buried in a welcoming context. Don't want face time? Go for a phone call. Don't want either, cut that part out. Seems over the S though, you gotta communicate on some humane level. I know from my sitch, the emails back and forth over the S turned into misunderstood crap and a phone call fixed it pretty quick while it stayed business.


"There is no more important fight than the one for ourselves. Keep on winning." Ginger1, Read her newbies.
BD: Feb '16
D: Mar '17
Piecing: Putting the self back together was my piecing.
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IMO you have way too much contact with your W. For me, I would tell her, "I can't update you or speak to you everyday because it is stressful for me and keeping me from moving forward." She can't miss you or want you back if you are always talking, texting, and sending pictures. She is major cake-eating and you are facilitating it.


Me:49 W:45
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EA confirmed and ended 8/2014
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Originally Posted By: mvgfwd2
IMO you have way too much contact with your W. For me, I would tell her, "I can't update you or speak to you everyday because it is stressful for me and keeping me from moving forward." She can't miss you or want you back if you are always talking, texting, and sending pictures. She is major cake-eating and you are facilitating it.


Really hope that was for CT....


Me: 35 W: 32
S: 4
T: 6 M: 4
Physical Separation official: 5/21
Currently: DR/DBing, Focusing on me and son

Cheating on a good person is like throwing away a diamond and picking up a rock.
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Originally Posted By: RSG
Really hope that was for CT....


Ha! We are with the same woman man, it was for both of us. Touche, mvgfwd2.


"There is no more important fight than the one for ourselves. Keep on winning." Ginger1, Read her newbies.
BD: Feb '16
D: Mar '17
Piecing: Putting the self back together was my piecing.
S6


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Originally Posted By: mvgfwd2
IMO you have way too much contact with your W. For me, I would tell her, "I can't update you or speak to you everyday because it is stressful for me and keeping me from moving forward." She can't miss you or want you back if you are always talking, texting, and sending pictures. She is major cake-eating and you are facilitating it.


Actually, this is great for you, RSG. It's the truth, isn't it?

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No. Not even close. Haven't called or sent pictures in weeks. Texting between 0-3 times a day unless it's about $$$ or scheduling....


Me: 35 W: 32
S: 4
T: 6 M: 4
Physical Separation official: 5/21
Currently: DR/DBing, Focusing on me and son

Cheating on a good person is like throwing away a diamond and picking up a rock.
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RSG, how much you contact her is up to you, but they are pointing out that daily updates may be giving her to much access to the family that she left. That she may not be feeling the loss that may make her decide she wants to be part of that family that she is loosing.


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No, no, this to minimize HER contact with you, which seems extremely excessive. To give YOU the space and relieve the pressure on you of deciding how and when to respond. For you to not get 5 texts and a guilt trip when you don't.

be honest and clear about it. This answer was great. Perhaps she will back off a bit without you having to deal with her constant texting and guilt.

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