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JksD #2693147 07/28/16 04:48 AM
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Bad day with kid. Meltdown from kid again because she refuses to do her homework and only wants to watch TV and play.

That's what she does when she stays with the x, so I end up being the bad cop all the time.

Kid is in a competitive school district (due to logistics, I had to put her there) and there is no way she can survive without putting in effort.

I am tired of this daily battle.

I can't think of anyway of putting this across to the x without WWW3 as the x will feel that I am criticising him as a father and as a person. But at the rate kid is going, she is probably going to do very badly in school, if not outright flunk it.

Kid is a really bright kid but flunk she will in her relentless school environment. And when she does fail, the blame will be on me. Because I am the mother and I should know better.

And the x and his family will then give the usual rhetoric about how I had been such a horrid wife, forced him into the arms of another woman, broke up my family and now kid is suffering because of me.


You can call me Dory/ Grl.

As a wise fish once sang,"Just keep swimming!"

It's no use to go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.
JksD #2693148 07/28/16 04:49 AM
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I want to cry but the tears just won't come.


You can call me Dory/ Grl.

As a wise fish once sang,"Just keep swimming!"

It's no use to go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.
JksD #2693174 07/28/16 06:36 AM
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Grl, I don't have any real advice. I would say move kid to a different school if you can, but I realize that you have constraints in both logistics and culture to conquer. As she gets older and take more responsibility for her own time, this will shift the balance. Hang in there and hold your head up high. (((GRL)))



"Don't look back, you aren't going that way"
SunnyB #2693178 07/28/16 06:47 AM
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This is a tough spot, and I understand that you want to handle the situation, and discuss and come up with a solution like a coparent, but you know he will take things YOU say the wrong way. I'm often in that position.

Does kid every have to do homework when she is at her dad's? How do they structure homework time?

My suggestion would be to calmly ASK, not tell, if perhaps there can be some time allotted at him house that is congruent with the time allotted at your house as homework time because it is beneficial to kid to keep up in this school district. To keep some consistency to get her homework done. Don't mention all she wants to do is watch TV or even say she exhibiting behaviors she learned at his house. Take the issue at hand, and surround it around kid, and how you both can agree on helping your child.

I've learned to make the whole thing about kid, not that they are doing something "wrong" and make it a discussion, not a demand. My ex has been much more receptive to that approach than the old one where I told him it was making things harder for ME.

You got this.

Ginger1 #2693360 07/29/16 04:55 AM
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This is a hard one. I'd say approach x and say that you need to discuss kids school work. Make it appear that you need to get a plan together in order to make sure she starts achieving more. This way, you're going to him for assistance and he can make suggestions in how you can both achieve it. Maybe if he thinks that you are working to a plan which he suggested he may feel you value his ideas.

It's tough parenting without critsising each other's ideas. I know if I tell my h to do things "my way" he hits the roof because to him it's me saying he isn't doing something right. Whereas I guess it's just we both have different ways of parenting


Me 26 H 25
M 4
T 5
Baby born 4/14
BD: 1/15
EA: 2/15
PA: 4/15
reconciling: 4/15
ILYBINILWY- 11/15
ILY-1/16
ILYBNILWY 4/16
ILY 6/16
ILYBINILWY 6/16
Baby due 3/17
BD 8/16
Cherry #2693390 07/29/16 07:18 AM
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Ladies,
Thanks for your input. You are awesome with your unwavering support.

Can't post much on my own thread. Feel like I need to like things sit and settle for a while.


You can call me Dory/ Grl.

As a wise fish once sang,"Just keep swimming!"

It's no use to go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.
JksD #2693495 07/29/16 04:44 PM
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Originally Posted By: JksD
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News flash:

For some unknown reason, now that I have decided not to be so pissed with the x, he has got it into his head that it means it's his turn to be pissed with me.

And I haven't the slightest idea why. Is it the smiley faces that I put in my replies so that I dont sound so curt? Not my circus, not my monkeys.

Then again, because I am passive aggressive like that, I will continue with my smiley faces. If I cant ice pick his car, the least I could do is to irritate him with inane things like smiley faces in text messages?

End of newsflash.



So this reminded me of a saying that I have heard and seen, and frankly I like to use as needed.

"Smile!
It will either warm their heart or piss them off.
Either way, you win." smile

Sounds to me like you are winning JksD. wink


Me 46 Former W 46
D19 D7
BD Feb 2016
WAW moves out 4/16/16
D final 6/1/2017

It's time for me to start changin' the way I look at the world......and at myself. ~James Howlett aka Wolverine
SH_ #2693520 07/29/16 08:04 PM
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Hi SH,
Thank you for dropping by my digs.

While you're here, please feel free to help yourself to the dancing poles, waxing cream plus the occasional dollop of self- pity and angst.

And if you're up to it, the mountains of laundry IRL.

whistle

You're right. Since I am going to piss people off anyway,I might as well make myself happy while doing it.


You can call me Dory/ Grl.

As a wise fish once sang,"Just keep swimming!"

It's no use to go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.
JksD #2693552 07/30/16 01:20 AM
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I find myself in toilet paper tramp territory today.

Checking myself in the mirror:
Not too bad, not too bad at all. Except for the great big angry bruise on one of my knees. Shouldn't have worn shorts but too late to change since I am already out.

Nice hair - checked
Decent makeup - checked
Gorgeous lashes - double checked

Now all I need do is to strut my stuff and if I meet the turd, I will stare her down and give her the "screw you. I am classier than you cuz I have got morals and I am way hotter look."

Work it, grl, work it.

Time to put on the girl on fire persona


You can call me Dory/ Grl.

As a wise fish once sang,"Just keep swimming!"

It's no use to go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.
JksD #2693569 07/30/16 06:28 AM
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Originally Posted By: JksD
I find myself in toilet paper tramp territory today.

Checking myself in the mirror:
Not too bad, not too bad at all. Except for the great big angry bruise on one of my knees. Shouldn't have worn shorts but too late to change since I am already out.

Nice hair - checked
Decent makeup - checked
Gorgeous lashes - double checked

Now all I need do is to strut my stuff and if I meet the turd, I will stare her down and give her the "screw you. I am classier than you cuz I have got morals and I am way hotter look."

Work it, grl, work it.

Time to put on the girl on fire persona

Don't forget the smile. That will guarantee the win for you. wink

I'll let ya know once I get through my laundry and then I can help with yours.
I was poking around in this neighborhood as I fear I may be moving in sooner than I would have hoped, when I found your place.
Can't wait to try out the pole, please hold the wax, and I carry a sledgehammer to help out when the dollops of self pity and angst become heaping servings that no longer quench or fill our hunger to be the awesome folks we are meant to be.
Don't worry, I tap lightly at first......it tends to be enough to get one back on the track of knowing they are awesome and better than any BS painting of the WAS/WS.

Now how is that smile looking this morning? grin


Me 46 Former W 46
D19 D7
BD Feb 2016
WAW moves out 4/16/16
D final 6/1/2017

It's time for me to start changin' the way I look at the world......and at myself. ~James Howlett aka Wolverine
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