Cherry- operation sass!

[JksD]

I hope your H won't have to realise that the grass is greener on the side of the septic tank and where the turd drops.

(((Cherry)))

[Cherry]

I guess there is no way to intervene on his quest for that discovery really is there. Focus on myself I guess and wait for the inevitable sh*t storm.

Tried to turn his alarm off this morning, and I realised he had changed his password on his phone. *sigh* if that's not someone hiding something, I don't know what is.

Told myself I wouldn't let it wind me up. But it still did.

God I just feel so tired.

[DDJ]

Hey Cherry, you're stressing about things that you can't control. That's why you're so tired, well besides the pregnancy :-)

You control your actions, disregard his, so difficult still, but until you do so, you're on his roller-coaster.

This morning I got back on my XWW's rollercoaster, but I am feeling it and letting it go. I have no control over her, even less since we're divorced (LOL), but still reacted to her incongruent words and actions. I have been through hell, and know how to get out. So feel it, deal with it and then heal from it.

[Cherry]

Ddj. You are so right and this is what I'm trying to do. Given the way he has been going, I half expected this.

I keep telling myself that I can't control his actions. Nor can I control him.

Trying, for the first time in my life to be selfish and look after myself and child (well children).

I guess it's hard to still feel love in your heart for a person who has become a stranger to you. I no longer feel like a married woman. I don't have a h, because in my mind- that's the one person you can go to with anything. Or talk about anything to. I don't have that. The lonely feeling should surely help with detachment.

He made a point to message me in the day to ask me for a telephone number for something. Something he could have quite easily googled. A part of me wanted to ignore the message. But weighing it up, I thought what would I achieve from this. So sent him it. His behaviour is strange, like the offer to collect me from work yesterday. Part of me doesn't want to read into any of this, but another part thinks surely if he didn't care- he wouldn't bother.

Still I shouldn't get on his rollercoaster. Leave him to his own circus

[DDJ]

That lonely feeling is good place, I felt that about 3 weeks ago. I felt single. There was no one to call BABY, no one to say I LOVE YOU to.

Don't fight that feeling, understand your emotions, understand where it's coming from. If you can see yourself without him in the moment, then yes, you are detaching. The yearning for him is dissipating.

He is keeping you hooked, he is selfish to let you go. He has no respect for you and his children, only his selfish needs. Having two women in his life, is clearly better than one.

Continue to follow DB principles, and focusing on yourself and your children, is not selfish - as a mother, that is selfless, unconditional love.

[Cherry]

You are right, maybe it is a step closer to detaching. A kind of acceptance to the way things are the moment. As lonely and as far away from what I want.

I know I'm accepting the fact that I don't want someone to be with me out of guilt or obligation. I want someone to want to be with me for all I bring to the table. And he is beyond an idiot and a fool to not see this.

So I keep on keeping on. And let him ride his crazy train, but I will not get caught up in it.

[Cherry]

Ugh! Just typed a long post and then it disappeared! Stupid phone!

Basically, last night when h came home, he was picking at a variety of things, it seemed like he wanted to get in an argument or at least get me angry. I didn't raise to this, didn't take the crumbs and remained upbeat.

Later on, I went up to bed. He followed me, but was then more upbeat. He was telling me about some pictures he has of me which he absolutely loves (?) that was a bit confusing. He then wanted to make just general chit chat about all sorts. Which I gave.

I would like to think I remained on an even keel last night despite which mood he wanted to throw at me. So if this was a test, I think I passed

[Cherry]

Oh, he also mentioned being very attracted to me sexually and that he is finding it difficult not to have sex with me.

The mind reels.

[SH_]

Cherry,

I want to encourage you to review cadets homework for detachment.
Your h has issues as I perceive from your posts and you seem to be caught on the hook of his fishing line.

Detaching will help you avoid the confusion of his behaviors and words to you.

Please do not give into his sweet talking about his attraction and sex with you.
You deserve more than a husband that acts as if physical attraction is all he needs from his w and mother of his children.
He needs some serious therapy and counseling based on what you are sharing.
Do not stand to close to his circus convoy, because when it crashes you do not need to be caught up in the wreckage.

Give yourself some space from him. You need it. He needs it.

[Cherry]

Thanks SH.

Detachment has always been something I've struggled with. Though I'd like to think I'm getting slightly better. I didn't give into his ways, as I often get the impression h is only physicality attracted to me. And I do deserve more than that, I'm a good person, I have morals and a big heart. But mami won't be taken for a fool, so after I told him no sex. I'm sticking to it.

But I'll read and re read until it sticks

Waiting for his crazy train to crash but I guess I can't force that