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I get everyone's concern, but I'll say it again, I am in control.. I have not lost my temper at all since confirming she is still seeing OM.

It's been pretty uneventful, I spent the day with son yesterday, and took him to meet up with a bunch of family members last night at a Pokemon go hot spot. We had a lot of fun, it was quite a sight seeing hundreds of people walking around playing Pokemon...

My only interaction with W was me knocking on her bedroom door this morning since she was late getting up for work.


M - 9 1/2 years
5/5/16 - Bomb drop - 3 week EA
10/31/16 - We sold house
01/10/18 - D Finalized
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We can only trust that you are in control. And in control of YOURSELF. I think what everyone's concern is that you are going to try to impose these "rules" that you can't enforce, she is of course not going to follow them, and you are going to go off the edge and get yourself in trouble. You can't do this thinking she is going to abide by your rules. It's a recipe for disaster.

You slashed her tires so she couldn't leave the house and see him. I understand your anger in the moment. But even if S knew the whole truth, I don't think he would be OK with him doing such things to his mother. Maybe he understands this is a one time thing, but I wouldn't show him this is a consistent way of handling situations.

Please do your best to keep control, even if she violates your "rules" You don't want to end up with a restraining order.

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Quote:
Ok, she's hit a whole new level of cookoo... We were having a discussion/argument, she stated that she's done nothing wrong, so I said well what would you think if S knew what you'd done? And I almost fell down when she said I told him... Turned out she only told him she was talking to someone, but still, I couldn't believe that she would tell him anything.

I told WW that she is mind [censored]!ng him and needs to stop, that he won't be able to perform at the level he needs to if she doesn't mellow out. She says I painted her in a corner and she didn't have anything else to say when he asked why I slashed her tires.. I told her she could have said I didn't want her to leave the house, or could of told him that the conversation should wait until her and I can talk to him together to explain, which would buy her time to think about the response... Grrrr, I'm so pissed at her, I really wish he was my biological son, cause she's losing control...


This is an example of what I'm talking about. Having these types of discussions, tempers quickly rise. I can almost tell you what she told her S, b/c I did the very same thing. She is going to cover her tail. The more threatening type of statements you make, the worse you are making the emotional atmosphere. You need to stop talking to her.

You see her losing control. It will get worse when you antagonize her. Just being under the same roof will set off sparks. So again, why are you really wanting to stay in that house, if you intend to get a D?

Did you legally adopt your son?


It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
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I'm still living in the house for a few reasons..
1. She has agreed to sell it, so I need to do some work on the house to get it ready to sell.

2. I'm 43 and don't want to crash at peoples houses, when I move out I want to get my own place and I can't do that until I don't have to pay the mortgage.

3. I want to live with my son as long as I can (within reason), and I think we will sell the house within 2 months or so, which is a reasonable amount of time to cohabitate.

I will not accept him meeting my son, and I do not want him in my house. I am not afraid of making a scene, and If I confront him it will be at the fire station and I will not get myself arrested. Although I might end up with a no trespassing at the station if I have to go there, I will make a very large impact without putting myself into legal trouble. Just a conversation.

Sandi, unfortunately adopting my son was not an option as his biological father is still in the picture, minimally, but there non the less. My son considers me his dad, as does both of our families.

As for discussions, I'm no longer interested in any R discussion, or any discussions with her other than when being civil and courteous when son is around, otherwise my intention is to be scarce. my GAL activities are out of control, I am being invited to more activities than I can possibly go to and will be out most of the time when son is not home. There are at least 3 days a week that my W is out of the house, so that will be easy.


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When I post to people, I have to remember I am 8 years down the line with my ex having a remarriage to OW and that person being my daughter's stepmother. All I have to offer is my advice because I have been there. I know you may not be in a place to receive it, I know I was not in a place to receive a lot of advice I did, but I look back, eventually realized everyone was right, and I followed it.

So, take this with a grain of salt and pure experience. Me trying to save you some grief, if possible at all.

1) you can't legally stop your S from meeting OM. You can try in the way you mentioned at the firehouse which will make you 1) look completely out of control and dangerous, may land you with a restraining order and the outcome? Your W will continue to have your S around him if that's what she wants. So you will pretty much accomplish nothing except getting yourself in trouble. I couldn't stop OW from being around my 6 month old baby. I pretty much had no legal recourse. I could only stop her from being alone with her. Ex had to be around at all times. Who the heck actually knows if he abided by it, as my baby couldn't speak for herself. I COMPELTELY understand you not wanting him around him. But there is nothing you can do and I would really hate for your to get yourself in trouble because it isn't going to work anyways. No matter how much impact you think you are going to make, they will do what they want. trust me on this one. Your W may not want it to happen and you will be in luck.

Of course he shouldn't be in your house. That's enforceable. You can kick him out. I don't think either of them are that ballsy.

This may fall on deaf ears right now, but it's here one day if you really need it.

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Not falling on deaf ears Ginger1. I have no legal rights over my step son, so I know I can't stop her from introducing him, but I wanted to make sure my wife knew that my son would know who she introduced him to if it happens. As for a restraining order, I'm not that knowledgeable on the subject, but I would imagine my behavior would have to be pretty extreme for that to happen, and I wouldn't need to be extreme to make a scene, just make comments. Who knows if it will ever happen, unlikely that it will. Anyway, I stated everything I'm going to my W about that, and I'm not going out of my way to check up on anything, so unlikely I would find out about it unless it was done in my face and blatantly obvious.

I will say this, I will post here if I find out about anything and plan on doing anything, and i'll take the 2x4's then. So for now what's been said is all that's going to be said and I have no current plans to do anything "crazy"...


M - 9 1/2 years
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01/10/18 - D Finalized
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Originally Posted By: Coconut
As for a restraining order, I'm not that knowledgeable on the subject, but I would imagine my behavior would have to be pretty extreme for that to happen, and I wouldn't need to be extreme to make a scene, just make comments.


Hard to know for sure. Read qt's opening thread and you can see some of the legal trouble he got in for "standing in a doorway and raising his voice to be understood".

Not saying I agree or disagree, but my image is that the police are going to do what they can to protect the woman. Especially since you already have a broken door and slashed tires to your name.

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Nuts, there are many stories in this forum where alleged slights against a wayward were enough to get orders against these women's husbands. I am not qualifying allegations here, just saying it comes down to one persons word against the other.

now, I believe there is a definite need for caution in the legal system when it comes to this topic because sometimes proof is impossible for a woman to establish when she IS being abused, so please keep that in mind when dealing with wife.


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Originally Posted By: Coconut
DDJ, glad to hear that your doing well, sorry to hear that in order for things to work out you had to D. I guess the best case scenario would be for a M to work out, for forgiveness to take place and for the MR to thrive going forward.

Not always possible due to so many factors, but I do believe that is the best case scenario. I also believe that thriving after D is certainly possible, life tends to also be like a rollercoaster, and with as far down as a chapter like this takes us, the upswing is gigantic, possibilities are endless if we take advantage of it.

My sitch took a dramatic turn a couple of weeks ago when I found out she was downloading A friendly apps, and then I confirmed just last Friday that the A continues.. it's been a crazy few days, but I'm leveling out, my support system jumped in and surrounded me, I've never received so much love from so many people.. I feel sorry for my WW, she's left family and 30yr friends and seems to only surround herself with new friends who fit "who she is" now...

Anyway, good to hear from you buddy, I'm glad you came through the otherside ok, I'm sure there is still some days of sadness for what is gone, and that's ok because no matter what, there were good years that can be missed..


I posted this on DDJ's thread and wanted to bring it here, because I realize that I don't like my W, close to hating my W, but I still occasionally shed a tear.. In writing to him I realized what I couldn't figure out when it was happening, why would I shed a tear for someone who I despise? It's not her that I cry for, it's what could of been, which is imagined based of off the good years that we had, well that I had at least.


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10/31/16 - We sold house
01/10/18 - D Finalized
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Just ask yourself Coco - if you could marry her a second time, right now at the altar, would you?


Just cos things are going right, doesn't mean that they were always wrong.
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