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#1754180 - 04/19/09 04:45 PM Re: Ground Rules for Constructive Talks [Re: odga]
hopefullfaith Offline
Member

Registered: 04/09/09
Posts: 28
Loc: New Mexico
Laurie- I need some advice. My H has gone to pick up the OW and her kids to live with him. He has his surgery next week and already wants to introduce our kids to the OW. My kids want their dad to be happy but have expressed that all the want is for us to get back together. I think it is was to early to introduce our kids to OW and her kids but I know he is going to push the issue since hes already tried building the kids up to it. I want to be able to show that I care for his decision but want him to respect the kids feelings and mine. Would it be more damaging to say no to him and explain why or should I put my kids in this spot and let him learn from himself? I am so confused and dont want to do anything that might damage what I have already built up. Plus I worry about the effects it will have on our kids. Can you please help me with this.
NM

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#1785715 - 06/18/09 09:30 PM Re: Ground Rules for Constructive Talks [Re: odga]
pswall Offline
New Member

Registered: 02/28/09
Posts: 1
Loc: North Carolina, USA
How do you attempt to communicate with someone who is not only emotionally far away but also physically far away? My H travels ALL the tiem for his work. He is busy all day and spends a great deal of his itme in the evenings in an extrememly social settign with the same people. By the time he gets to me-if at all-he is either tired, disattached or drunk. I have tired to communicate and be inderstanding but it gets very frustrating when I am home all noght waiting for him to call and it not be of any quality. A greta deal of our "quick" communication is via instant messanger and for soem reaosn it always ends up with him thinking that I am gridning or starting which then turns int o his response of swearing...all I want ot do is communicate with my H again-help.

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#2105127 - 11/12/10 06:24 PM Re: Ground Rules for Constructive Talks [Re: odga]
angel61 Offline
Member

Registered: 10/29/10
Posts: 1046
Loc: California
HI Laurie,

I also was thinking
of other communicaton failures I've had:
- no assumptions (which might fall in the mid reader category)
- no verbal manipulations (such as trying to do reverse psychology) - this seems a little more complex, and I found out that even if I did not mean to do it, if I had some sort of hidden intention when I was speaking to him, sooner or later it would come out.
- Just as you don't attack, don't be defensive too
- Do not impose your will - hard when deaing with dominant personalities.

Angel
_________________________
Me:49 H:45 D:12 M:14 T:18
Bomb: 6/26/10
EA: 9/3/10, fizzled out slowly, now ???
11/5/11 Retrouvaille
Finally piecing....
Its peaceful at last, but we got a looong way to go

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