I really hope you have a nice time with your daughter for her birthday.
I hope your wife brings son to celebrate too.
I hope that you are able to deal with her lawyer on an even keel and keep things moving in a de-escalating fashion.
I truly hope that you will find some time to show yourself some compassion in all of this and treat yourself to a nice night to stay positive in all of this.
you and your kids and yes even your wife is in my thoughts.
all of you have suffered in many ways and i realize that is not over.
you and your kids have much healing to do.
your wife has not even begun or at best has barely begun healing, so just keep that in mind. she is still very wounded and in deep pain and yes that often means that she will lash out at you, the last person in the world who deserves what she has done...my heart does go out to you.
This morning I went to my wife’s lawyer to talk about division of assets and I was shocked to learn that basically she wants everything. She wants 4 out of 5 houses that we own, plus she wants most items that I took with me from the main residence back. Plus she wants to redo the tax return so that she can have more deductions because right now she has to pay $14,000 in taxes, while if we filed jointly the total tax would be $7,000 split between the two of us would be $3,500 each. I drove home, wrote a letter to my lawyer and brought it to him in person. I explained him the situation and he said that he is going to call me tomorrow morning. I am very nervous and can’t go to sleep, I keep exercising to get rid of stress. I know it’s going to be a very stressful time and I hope that we can work things out. My wife’s lawyer is supposed to call me next week to talk about everything again, but my hopes and expectations at this point are very low. Basically she wants to get rid of me, making me either destitute or force me to leave the country. I am trying to stay strong and think about the children. I have asked my father for help and this whole situation is stressing him out as well. I don’t know how this is going to end, I just know that I will do my best to keep things together and stay positive. My wife has completely lost her mind and there isn’t much I can do at this point. Today I have also received the psychological report and it was pretty neutral, pointing out to flaws and strengths in both me and my wife. Now we have to see what the child custody investigator is going to decide.
well she can ask for the moon...doesn't mean squat. clearly what she is asking for is not equitable.
your lawyer will need to ramp of his/her game here else it is time t9 perhaps look for a new one.
you say wife has lost her mind. that is pretty close to the truth. she is not who she was even a year ago.
now it is time to really start to find a way to do somethings for yourself. honestly to goodness - find that thing that is tranquil and allows you to let things go if even for an hour.
I like fishing and swimming and skating. fishing is usually the most tranquil...b we cause it is not vigorous activity...but they all work for me.
can you think of some things that you can do that will allow yourself some peace and calmness?
I work out all day, do yoga and meditation in order to get rid of stress. The amount of stress is so high that is almost unbearable. Some men give up, while I am trying to keep myself together, but I don't know how long I can continue to do that, my wife is attacking me where it hurts the most. I am glad the restriction order is preventing me from talking to her, because I wouldn't be acting nice right now. I was very well mannered with her lawyer and I didn't lose my temper, I think she was surprised of that, she always tries to tick me off. The 2 most important things for me right now are: 1. I should not get physically ill 2. I should continue to live close to the kids and survive financially
This morning I picked up Max and we went to court where I was able to read the child custody report from the specialist where she decided to give us joint legal custody and give me standard parenting time with both children. On August 3rd I am going to court for the Settlement and hopefully we can work something out where I can get to spend time with both children before the end of the summer. I want to reconcile but I understand that it's impossible because of the way the divorce is structured here in America, let me explain this. A midlife crisis lasts between 2 and 5 years for a woman and this is just the reality. A divorce lasts here in the US between 3 months (without children) and 9 months (with children). This makes it impossible to reconcile because the divorce moves faster than the midlife crisis. In other countries like Indonesia, or Thailand for instance it takes between 5 and 10 years to get divorced, and the result is that divorce rates are very low there. What can we do here in the US? Nothing. We need to accept the divorce without trying to stop it, BUT because we know that the crisis will end at some point, we need to be patient and wait for our wives to come back to us on their own, without us pushing them. Lots of men who previously wanted to reconcile make the huge mistake of starting to look for other girls after the divorce is finalized here in the US, and that just kills any chance for reconciliation. I will wait for my wife to come back for at least 5 more years, that's my plan, I won't give up, I won't call her or text her and I won't look for other girls, and hopefully, after she is done with her midlife crisis, she will come back to me on her own.
A midlife crisis can last 2-5 years, however, it can last even longer because it all depends upon the person's childhood issues. Don't pin your hope on it being over in 5 years...it could be shorter or it could be longer and that goes for both females and males, not just females. In some cases, the individuals may not come out of the crisis and remain stuck. I hope, in your situation, your wife wakes up soon and wants to reconcile.
Each state is different when it comes to divorce. Maybe where you are living it is a shorter time period, but in my state it's a bit longer, i.e., up to 2 years before it can be finalized.
I do hope that you are able to spend time w/your children before the summer ends. It's a shame that you've had to deal w/this situation involving your children. I am glad the specialist decided to allow you joint custody.
Good luck! Stay positive, but don't remain still...keep moving forward.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I hope that when the divorce is finalized, in about a month from now, my wife will calm down and stop to drag me to court for every little thing. This is not how I want to live the rest of my life. I have recently hired an attorney again to help me with the settlement, and it's costing me quite a bit of money, but I think it will be worth it at the end. If I am still alive and financially capable of supporting myself, I hope that things will start to improve slowly, I am still doing no contact, which I believe it's the best thing to do with a chaos child like my wife during her midlife crisis.
Once the divorce finalized, your wife may settle down, but it will take a while for this to happen. Once it does, she may then begin to feel less "pressured/stressed" about the situation and become a calmer individual. As for dragging you to court for every little thing, well...this may not stop for a while. You may want to consider keeping a log/journal of things just in case she does continue this court drama...but that is up to you.
I'm glad you've retained a lawyer and yes, they do cost quite a bit of money, especially if your wife continues her drama and you require legal representation.
No contact (NC) is the best way to go unless there is an emergency or a need to discuss child issues w/her.
So, what are you plans for the week? Do you have some GAL activities planned? Will you be seeing the children?
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
