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Hi Bright,

Congrats on your purchase! Lucky you, I hope to do the same someday!

You are sounding grounded and solid. Sounds like your H sees it too smile


Me 48 H 46 S 11
M 2004
BD 8/13
H moved out 2/15
-live in the present, enjoy the beauty around and within you, explore your new future-
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Thanks 2T and mleigh for stopping by. I don’t seem get much traffic on my thread lately, which is probably due to the fact that I’m not active on the board as much, even though I keep reading other threads and try to keep up with my friend’s updates here and try to post when I can.

I’ve been still very busy with work and extra projects that I agreed to take outside of my main job. It am very exhausted and can’t wait for one of the side projects to be finished. I’ve putting about 10-15 hours per week on that one. And… my social life has been insane… Lots of happy hours and parties recently… Not mentioning dealing with condo purchase processing (which is not going smoothly BTW) and the car transfer, etc.

My friends at the vacation home were in no hurry to process the car ownership transfer to their names. I waited long enough and finally lost my patience. I almost yelled at them a few days ago when they told me that I needed to mail the title for the car to start the transfer. I sent the title along with the additional car keys and other docs when the car was picked up from me by a friend and H. I lost it… How can you be so irresponsible about things like that!!? Apparently they left that plastic bag with the title inside at their office. Whew… I thought I would have to file for a title replacement, which would create additional head ache for me.

They also wanted to take a vacation and drive the car to the US next month, without finishing the transfer. They asked if I could add this car back to my insurance and they would pay me the cost. Umm… NO! This is not my car anymore! I explained to them that I can do that, but if something happens and a claim is filed against my insurance, would they be willing to pay the increased insurance difference for all other cars on the policy, including my new expensive car? They changed their mind pretty quickly and started the process, like in a hurry, LOL.

I’m going to the vacation home next week with my sister and her son. I hope that I can take the possession of my new condo, but it is not guaranteed. There is some kind of delay in the paper work processing. I told my mutual friends that I’m not paying the money before I can get the keys to the condo.

On H’s front… He went MIA for some time and kind of reverted back to more “dry” style of communication and “dropped” my name from the texts, hahaha. I am continuing to be polite for now… Apparently he’s asked the condo mortgage company to remove the escrow collection, so he could take over the annual payments to the Mexican trust for the condo. I’ve received the letter the other day stating that they would not do that. I e-mailed it to him today and let him know by the text. He is not happy.

I have these conflicting feeling about the whole thing… I have some feelings of revenge on one side, that H is struggling to get things in order, and then I feel so sorry for H and so sad about the situation he put himself into and how he destroyed all the good things for all of us… I almost felt guilty yesterday, thinking how “we” could have refinanced my (“our”) house mortgage and just pay for that condo and not have to deal with the mortgage and escrow, etc… if… we would still be a couple… And how I just did this refinance to buy my own condo… and left H in the dark to deal with the rest… I need to slap myself on the face… and remind myself that this was H’s choice… I think he knows that too, and this is probably why he went MIA.

It is very hot here. I don’t have air conditioner in the house, so I’m going shopping and then to my sister’s. Have a great weekend everyone.


M:50
H:52
S28 (my S from previous marriage)
M:17 + 3
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S: 06/12 - H works in another state
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hi Bright

I too give myself a slap from time to time to remind myself that this destruction was all STBXW fault and choice. It's normal. And we see how easy it would be to fix and solve ours ex's problems.. lol not our job.

I see you are doing well, congrats on condo :-)

hugsss
Irish


M51
XW43 (38 at bd)
BD1 MAY 30 2015
BD2 JUNE 25 2015 by text
moved out Aug 2 2015
left both Daughters 13 and 15 (now 18-20)
Her divorce Final July 26 2016
Last time she saw her kids Aug 2 2015
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Hi Bright - Just want to say that I hope your condo closing is seemless!

Sounds like all is well and you are keeping super busy. Good to hear it!


Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13
BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself
BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room"
8/15: H back to MBR
10/15: H back in dorm room
1/18: H files, now divorced
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Hi Bright
want to bump up your posts... thinking of you.

Irish xx


M51
XW43 (38 at bd)
BD1 MAY 30 2015
BD2 JUNE 25 2015 by text
moved out Aug 2 2015
left both Daughters 13 and 15 (now 18-20)
Her divorce Final July 26 2016
Last time she saw her kids Aug 2 2015
Joined: Oct 2014
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Bright - so very, very happy for you on the condo and how you are handling the twists and turns of H without letting it rain on you. Seriously major changes from your posts last year. I hope I can achieve the type of growth and grace you have shown.

I have to confess my friend I worried about you in the past. Not because you weren't smart and capable and strong but because you seemed to struggle in your posts with those tenacious threads of life in the in between.

Our situations are not the same because my H is a vanisher and avoider and has continued to create a life on MLC island with OW.He avoids our D's and continues to isolate himself from long time friends...These all seem to be obvious signs of D but yet he has never files for D and continues to friend me on FB. Very different but the confusion is still there for me and I can imagine how difficult it would be with business ties and vacation condos.

Life of the long term separated is uncharted waters. I struggle with what it means in my heart. The advantages of the practicalities of life (I.E. - insurance, taxes, etc.) are definitely a factor but sometimes I find myself having to defend my choice not to divorce and that sets me back emotionally. I think we spouses living in the land of in between are not respected and that takes it's toll over time.

Your recent posts have inspired me and comforted me and helped me feel that life in the in between can be achieved in style. So good to hear about all your are doing and how you are achieving a bright spot of paradise on your terms.

Can't wait to see what unfolds.


M:25 years at BD w/ 2 daughters
BD: 5/14
Separated 6/14 - H moved cross country w/OW
D Final 9/17

“I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it.”
― Maya Angelou



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Hi Irish, HaWho and Gwen! Thanks so much for stopping by! Irish, thank you for bumping my thread and thinking of me . I’ve been urking on the site, but just didn’t have any energy to post my updates.

Gwen, thank you for your post. I guess I didn’t realize how different it is for me compared to a year ago. And I’ve been in this for 4 years now. I find it less difficult these days with all these ties to H, like business and vacation condo. I think I learnt how to take care of me first and do what is best for me. So, I’m using whatever advantages I can get from this whole situation. I doing it on my own terms too, since H is not doing anything to separate things or file for D.

Yes, your situation is a little different because there is an OW. And I can understand the confusion about your H’s action or inaction. But, you don’t have to defend your choices. It was H’s decision to abandon the family and the fact that he is not filing for D doesn’t put an obligation on you to do it. I still feel that my H needs to do this step, to file for D, if he has some guts, LOL… Apparently he doesn’t. I’m ok with this right now. At the same time I feel that I’m getting closer to the point when I can do it myself and actually feel good about it!

Gwen, you are a very strong person. You are also a great Mother to your girls. You should not feel disrespected because you live in a limbo land and not willing to file for D yourself. If that subject comes out, I tell people that it was H’s decision to end the M and he needs to file for D, because I don’t want to do his dirty work for him. If time comes when I need to be officially divorced, I will do it myself. Meantime, I’m enjoying my life without too much trouble. Thanks to H, that he has been pretty reasonable… He is also trying to make the contact with my son and his GF, after being MIA for a couple of years after the BD. So, I think your H will also start to come around and make some contact with his Ds. Speaking about more confusion for everyone… I think that you will be able to handle it though.

Gwen, I’m glad that my updates inspired you. I don’t think that I’m doing anything special though. I’m just trying to love my life, move along and make sense of what happened between me and H. More I think about it, more I’m convinced that he’s been going through a MLC. And there is nothing I can do about it, except to be understanding and compassionate, as much as possible.

I will do some updates in the next post, so not to make this too long.


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OK, some updates, I hope not too long… I went to the vacation home with my sister and her son and we had a great time. My Mexican GF’s family was visiting, so we were invited to the parties. Speaking about that “Mexican time”, LOL… There was nothing on schedule… ever… we just had to go with the flow… On one of the nights we were invited for a Posole soup… Well, it was ready at about 9:30… I and my sister were totally fine with it. My nephew was anxious, hahaha!

Unfortunately, I didn’t get the possession of my new condo… There is some delay with the paper work from the seller. I kind of expected it… Well… it is Mexico… lots of bureaucracy and weird laws… I’m a bit annoyed with my mutual friends because of that though. But, what can I do… I have to wait a bit longer.

Some GAL updates besides the trip to the vacation home, if I can remember everything, LOL. A couple of happy hours with people from work. Then I flew to the city where my other friends live, who also have a house at the vacation home place, and where my mutual friends were visiting. It was this past weekend. There were also a lot of people I know who normally come to visit to the vacation home place and some relatives of my mutual friends who came from another country. We had a lot of fun! And also, my mutual friends and I did all the necessary paper work to register my old car to their names. Whew!!! What a relief, finally!

On H’s front… While I was at the vacation home, he was trying to contact me (call, text) on my phone, which was off, because it doesn’t have coverage in Mexico. I had my work phone, but obviously he didn’t know that. So, he called our male friend, and he came over to the condo to tell me that H needed something from me. What H needed was the website for online mortgage payment for the condo. Right! He waited until the last day of the month to do that. I gave him the website and all the info. He even called me (I turned my phone on to text him) to ask a security question the website was requiring.

Then, one day before my trip last weekend he texted me in a very nice manner asking me if I could find a car rental deal for him… Because he could not find a good price, and I was always the one to do the “Magic”, LOL. He was going to the East coast for the weekend. I replied “Sure, I can see what I can do”. I ended up reserving a car rental for him… After some nicest texts exchange, hahaha. I kind of jokingly asked him what kind of “fun” was going on in that place… He didn’t reply to that. Oh well… There must be something comforting to him in asking me to help him with the rental, but not telling me all the details of the trip. I’m just curious, if I’m still that evil person in his life and the cause of his unhappiness, would he pay a little bit more money for the rental, instead of “dealing” with me? I’m sure there is an explanation to that… But… I just don’t put too much thought into it anymore. I did a favor for him, because I could… and I felt like it (I do it for my other friends too sometimes), and I just put it aside as nothing special.

I have lots of house work to do this weekend. That’ where I’m missing H… We were always a great team in doing all that house stuff. Oh well… I can do it! Or hire somebody… Which is kind of tough right now, since I invested all the money in the new condo.


M:50
H:52
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M:17 + 3
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S: 06/12 - H works in another state
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Wow, I will have to check out your other posts. You switch sounds a bit like me just starting out. I hope I can become more like you seem now. Way to go!!!


Me54 WH48
S18 D16
M 22 T 24
EA-PA-EA 2011-2015
Separated 10/14 - 06/15
BD1 02/14
BD2 05/16
BD3 08/21/16 and began drinking again
Working on me and liking me again


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I'm late to the party Bright, but congrats on the condo purchase. That is awesome smile

And I agree with Gwen, you sound great. Nothing like a little fun and it sounds like you have been enjoying yourself as of late.

Keep going.



3 kids
BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. )
Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style
D final 9-9-14
"Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
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