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'Fabulous' Kat, I am glad for your words. Yes, I am going back and forth between anger and being depressed this week. And so the idea of being patient and being ready to start over seems like a fantasy right now.

Thank you for stopping by.


Me-54 yrs; W: 50 yrs
4 kids- D: 22,20,19; S:15
"Trial" Divorce: 04/14 - 6/14
Separated: 06/2013- divorced 08/2016

“The strongest of all warriors are these two — Time and Patience.” War and Peace
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Here is the Friday Lawyer Joke: An independent woman started her own business. She was shrewd and diligent, so business kept coming in. She soon realized she needed an in-house counsel, and so she began interviewing young lawyers.

"As I'm sure you can understand," she started off with one of the first applicants, "in a business like this, our personal integrity must be beyond question." She leaned forward. "Mr. Peterson, are you an 'honest' lawyer?"

"Honest?" replied the job prospect. "Let me tell you something about honest. Why, I'm so honest that my dad lent me fifty thousand dollars for my education and I paid back every penny the minute I tried my very first case."

"Impressive. And what sort of case was that?"

He squirmed in his seat and admitted, "My dad sued me for the money."


Me-54 yrs; W: 50 yrs
4 kids- D: 22,20,19; S:15
"Trial" Divorce: 04/14 - 6/14
Separated: 06/2013- divorced 08/2016

“The strongest of all warriors are these two — Time and Patience.” War and Peace
Joined: Jun 2015
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HI Wet,
Yes, I am right next to you on the see saw of emotions ... I can only speak for myself, but I feel like I have to go through all of this ... feel this rejection, sadness, betrayal, anger, compassion, love, longing, rejection, depression .. in order to someday come out the other side. I think it's the folks who don't allow themselves to go through all of the various feelings that this hateful process brings up who end up stuck. I will not be stuck, so I find myself cycling through, and try to honor each feeling as it presents itself. Also, you're still recovering whether you realize it or not. Physical illness takes its own toll on our emotions.

Sending you hugs and prayers. xoxoxoxo


M 20+ T25+
S ~15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
D 12/23/16

"Someone I loved once gave me
A box full of darkness.
It took me years to understand,
That this too, was a gift."
~ Mary Oliver
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Bttryfly you are great. Thank you for your words.

Up until today I was wallowing in my depression. The final language of the divorce papers was agreed to, the County attorney has signed off (she is involved b/c W is receiving county assistance). S14 did not come over to my place as he was helping SiL move. So I was alone. And lonely.

But this morning I took a shower. I put on clean clothes. I put on my 'Happy' playlist - it is amazing how strongly music affects my emotions. OK, here are a few songs that have lifted my spirit:

- Love plus 1, Haircut 100;
- Bright Side of the Road, Van Morrison;
- Endicott, Kid Creole and the Coconuts;
- Fight to Win, Goodie Mob with Celo Green ("If I lose, then it was worth fighting for. If I win, I only live to fight again."
- What a Wonderful Life, Louis Armstrong.

D21 stopped by Thursday night and we just sat around and talked for a couple of hours. She is so great. I can't wait to see our grandchild in a couple of weeks.

Today, at least, I am ready to move forward.


Me-54 yrs; W: 50 yrs
4 kids- D: 22,20,19; S:15
"Trial" Divorce: 04/14 - 6/14
Separated: 06/2013- divorced 08/2016

“The strongest of all warriors are these two — Time and Patience.” War and Peace
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 942
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Signing the divorce papers was anti-climatic. I signed them in front of a notary, scanned and emailed them. No big deal.

I wanted an adult sit down with my W where we both signed the divorce papers, similar to the scene in 'Her'. We could just talk. We could talk about s14 and what's best for him. I could ask about the role of finances in her decision to leave me. No defensiveness. Just adults talking.

But I think we are both too raw right now. W attacked me in the mediations, and I did say a few things back at her, but nothing with the sting and anger her words had. So I think sitting down with W and having a nice, adult chat is a fantasy.

Got out in the morning and walked. It was nice. Got some vitamin D. Called my general doctor to get a re-fill on some Ambien. Sleep right now is precious. Otherwise waiting for word that the divorce order is signed by the judge.


Me-54 yrs; W: 50 yrs
4 kids- D: 22,20,19; S:15
"Trial" Divorce: 04/14 - 6/14
Separated: 06/2013- divorced 08/2016

“The strongest of all warriors are these two — Time and Patience.” War and Peace
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 942
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Friday was scary. Here I picked up s14 on Wednesday and he either slept or was brooding for 2 days. So I gave him a little space.

On Friday, he opened a bit. S14 will be going to a high school near my place in the fall. This was agreed to by W and I, the county attorney, and in a week or so it will be signed off on by the judge.

But W told s14 this was all my doing. And this all can be changed if I just agree to it. And that he could go back to his old jr. high school (with his bad bunch of friends which got him arrested), if I just agreed - which is a lie.

Then she told him in a year everything would be changed and he could go back to the school with his old friends. Again, a lie.

I was frustrated by W's sabotaging the agreement and hurting my relationship with s14.

On Friday, s14 was also upset. He told me he was walking back to W's place - 7 miles away across a busy highway. I told him I would drive him, and we stopped off first at Taco Bell to get some food.

I yelled at the Taco Bell person. S14 told me to "chill". As we pulled out of the drive thru, I raised my voice at how this was crappy that I only was able to see s14 for a few days and he wouldn't even talk to me. S14 yelled back this was all my fault and jumped out of my truck.

I parked in a parking lot close by, and collected myself. Then I looked for s14 and he was gone. I went up and down the street and s14 was no where to be seen.

I called the police to keep an eye out for him. I texted W and the kids to let me know if they hear from him (s14 did not have his phone).

W called me to find out what happened, and I unloaded on her by raising my voice and telling her the only chance s14 has is if we stick together on the agreement and help s14 work thru this. She said she doesn't agree with our mediated settlement anymore and wants s14 back with her and back at his old school. Yeah, I was even more frustrated. This was not my brightest moment.

I am the worst at final words to a conversation. This time I told W "to go attend a parenting class!" and then hung up. This was almost as bad when a year ago I read W's texts about her sleeping with other men, and I told her "I'm no longer your friend!" crazy

8 hours later s14 was able to reach d21 and was brought back to W's place. He was safe and sound. W estimated s14 walked 25 miles, which would be impressive in any sitch.

I haven't heard from s14 since he jumped out of my truck.


Me-54 yrs; W: 50 yrs
4 kids- D: 22,20,19; S:15
"Trial" Divorce: 04/14 - 6/14
Separated: 06/2013- divorced 08/2016

“The strongest of all warriors are these two — Time and Patience.” War and Peace
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I'm sorry that things didn't go well w/your son. It does sound like you and your W need to be on the same page. She's attempting to sabotage your relationship w/your son by telling him that you are the reason that things are being done a certain way. Maybe it's time that you, your wife and son sat down in one room, together, and had a discussion about why things are happening the way that they are. (If that is possible.)

Wet, I know you are very frustrated, but you need to find a way to remain calm in front of your son. Yelling at the Taco Bell person and then raising your voice in frustration over the situation w/your son flipped his switch and he had to get away from you for a while. He may very feel like he's caught in the middle and is at fault for all of the frustration and anger being displayed. Is it possible that he hears a lot of yelling and voice raising over at his mother's?

Wet, maybe you need to contact him and apologize. I know, it's a difficult thing to do, but you've got to be the bigger and better person here and show him just what is to be a man and own up to your frustration and anger over the situation. I would hate to see this situation widen the gap between father and son.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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I agree. Your son is being put into a pawn position here on her side, you certainly don't need it happening on your side to. Apologize to him and then let him know that the changes were agreed to by W, you and the court. Your son deserves the best life possible.

I know going from what happened with my own son, that he will be testing boundaries, trying to sort it all out and not always make the best choices. Fortunately my son never got into trouble except with me. No reason to get his dad involved, he lived half an hour away and all he would ever say was listen to your mother.

It is hard to be the parent that sticks by the rules and for principles but I know he will be eternally grateful later. My son even wrote me a happy Father's day card once and said that I was everything he ever needed as a Mom and a Dad, I was just missing an appendage.

you can do this! kat


Me-53(and learning!)
S24, S21, D18, D17
Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
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Yes, Job and Kat, you are right. I messed up in dealing with s14. But I won't have a chance to talk with him for a few days.

D21 is having a baby tonight! She is being induced as I type this. Health issues for both d21 and grand-baby have moved up the birth date. And everyone is soooo excited.

W spent last night and tonight at the hospital with d21, as did bf's mom. I will go over when she is close to giving birth.

W is peeved at me. She texted me today to ask if I had signed up s14 for football yet. I had just talked to the school administrator and she said I need a copy of the divorce order before I can register s14 at the school. So I texted W that I need the divorce order before I can sign him up at the school and for football (likely coming next week.)

W texted back: "you mean you won't".

I didn't go for the bait, I did not respond.

I also tried signing up to be an Uber driver, to earn some extra $$$. But my truck failed the inspection, for some dings on the body !? It's a 2006 Toyota truck, only 31k miles, and it has a couple of dings from when my dad last drove it. Really, the truck looks great. So, I don't know what to do.

I guess I will just look forward to grand-baby being born, and having the joy of the next generation being part of the family. grin


Me-54 yrs; W: 50 yrs
4 kids- D: 22,20,19; S:15
"Trial" Divorce: 04/14 - 6/14
Separated: 06/2013- divorced 08/2016

“The strongest of all warriors are these two — Time and Patience.” War and Peace
Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 28,295
Likes: 112
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I hope your D21 and baby are doing well today.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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