I don't know why I thought I could change someone, or if I thought about it at all, but I now know it's not possible, unless they want to change themselves.
Was talking to my IC about this and she wonders if I'd subconsciously started, and continued, this entire MR with W as a "project"... knowing she had so many problems coming into the relationship, being a rock for her in her hard times, even when I don't understand them, and trying to provide a means of escape from her past by letting things go and showing her the present and future could be so much better... she said it's not uncommon for people with my attitude, personality, etc, to take on extravagant tasks just to challenge themselves...
I guess I get bored easily and need something to keep me occupied, if that something to occupy me wasn't a person, in the past it had been some form of self-destructive behavior (drugs, gambling, partying, video games, etc)... In a way, maybe it was the other way around this whole time, and my W was the one that was really saving me, while I saw it through my own blind eyes as 'settling down to start my next chapter.'
Maybe I got the Friday itch or something, but I'm having feelings of resentment today that my W has spent the week on a beach while I've been working my tail off. There's been no communication since Tuesday evening... I think she's trying to DB me! But it's not the no communication that's bothering me, it's normal to go 3-4 days without talking, I guess it's been hard to get over the "real" conversations we had over the weekend... In these talks she lays down heavy hints that she wants us to get back together in the future, but just isn't willing to put it all out there on the table. This process was actually easier when she was full blown committed to hating me and not wanting anything to do with me in her future at all.
The last texts we were talking about books as she wanted something to read while she was there, I sent a few over and the conversation then went weird... she sent two texts to me saying "you shouldn't do XYZ" and "you shouldn't do <this and that>"... (just talking about general personality traits... for whatever reason, she decided after a book recommendation, she'd attack who I am as a person)... in the past I would've tried to defend why XYZ is "okay", but that's actually where the conversation ended. I never texted back, and neither has she.
Our big dog's birthday is this weekend and I bought him a little cake (yes, he's spoiled), and plan on having a little dog party on Sunday. I mentioned to her that "you know there is a birthday this weekend" and she was aware... I was thinking about asking if she was wanting to come to the "cake-eating party", then I laughed (ironic, right?), and as of now, I don't know if she's coming back to town tonight, tomorrow, or sunday... If she doesn't text or call back with details, I guess she just won't come to the party...
I think those texts are 'breadcrumbs'? or 'temp checking'? Trying to get a reaction out of you. I think you're doing good by keeping yourself in check at this time.
Me-45, W-37, T-10 yrs, M-9 yrs D -7 yrs, S-5 yrs BD-5/3/16, D filed 6/8/16
yeah, I'm not trying to make much of it... this is the first time I've been "bothered" in a while though. something about knowing her hotness in a bikini, without a ring on, and so far away...
I realize none of that really matters in the grand scheme of things... as she's already proven she doesn't need to be miles away, or without her ring, to stray from me to OM, but still, it does bother me.
I'm trying to figure out what's made things different this time... why do I care now? Why is this lodged in my head... hindering my progress... It shouldn't be...
It's probably best at this time to stick to the DB principles and give yourself time to think through any responses to things she might throw at you. It could be nothing, or it could make a big difference in how things play out for you. I know you will continue to do the right thing
Yeah I also can relate - my W started posting FB pics and - damnit! - she still looks good! Lol I guess that's one of the reasons why I married her in the first place! That always messes with my brain.
Me-45, W-37, T-10 yrs, M-9 yrs D -7 yrs, S-5 yrs BD-5/3/16, D filed 6/8/16
I've bounced back and forth on "db principles" just for the sake that I lost my urge to "win my wife back"... I stick to the ones that I believe are relavent to me: the 180s that I think I need to improve on, the GAL and the reconnecting with my true, authentic self, which I lost in the madness of years of rejection and criticism while being in R with my W... She killed the authentic betterm, and I'm guilty of letting her do it...
I stick to those raw principles, which an occasionally completely ridiculous derailing that makes her think I'm absolutely nuts, which is good for me, because I like having fun like that. I play tricks, goof around, make jokes, and she doesn't understand it because I should be jumping through hoops for her... since SHE's the one that was hurt and betrayed... She doesn't realize that I'm hurt through this too, and I need a little joy in my life. I'm trying to find myself too, and if that means I want to tell her I'm gonna leave teeth marks in her a$$ next time I see her... then that's what I'm gonna do.
Work used to be one of the few things that could take my mind off of this damn thing... Now, I'm stuck at work, mostly menial tasks that involve lots of waiting around ... and the timing couldn't be any worse. I feel exhausted, I don't think I got much sleep this week... I can't wait for this to be over... Why am I ranting again? Shut me up please! =S
Shew, yesterday wasn't the best, worked way too late due to problems with a planned maintenance window, and a mind riddled with confusion on why I suddenly couldn't stop thinking about things that don't deserve my attention...
Today is starting better. It's my grandpa's bday who passed away last year. I'm taking a page out of the doodler handbook and in honor of him, I hope to complete my refinishing of his bedroom set that was passed down to me a while back. I have 2 of 3 items stripped and sanded down, and finishing the last big item today. After the dust settles I'll be putting a new finish on these beauts.
It's also my St Nard's birthday today, and I got him a cake. So we'll be having a nice doggie bday party with some other dog-owner friends at a park down the road. It should be fun, last time we did something like this there were about 20-25 dogs running around like crazy on their version of a cake-icing sugar-high.
My W text me this morning, first contact in about 4 days, and she just asked how I was doing, and how our animals are doing. Replied with the norm... I haven't told her about the doggie bday party, but I don't think she'll be back in town by then anyways, I'd suspect she's driving back from here vacation today as she starts work back on Monday. not sure if she'll come around here or not, but I'm pretty booked up for the rest of the weekend anyways...
Well, crap! just after I posted last one, I did some circuit training and ended up re-injuring my hamstring that was already partially strained/pulled from playing soccer last weekend... I took a shower and was hobbling downstairs when my W appeared out of nowhere (how does she always just show up like a phantom or something like that?)
Apparently W came home early from FL because work called and offered her extra hours today and tomorrow before her regular schedule was supposed to start... I couldn't believe it but she cut her vaca short because she knows that "she needs the money" and it was the responsible thing to do... wow, a 180 for her that I'm quite proud of... She said a few things about missing this, and missing that, all related to living at the house and followed with "there's a lot I miss" (in a stern, aggressive tone); I could tell she was hinting at her aggravation of me not agreeing to coparent the home with her... I just validated her feelings and mentioned back to her that there are many things I miss too, and hobbled off... Other than that one instance, the conversation was friendly, positive, she told me a bit about her vaca, and brought me a small gift back (snacks)... when W headed out she said to rest up and call if I need anything, and that she'd be back later today.
I was looking forward to a day full of activities, but I can hardly even walk right now - can't put any pressure on my left leg... I've been relagated to sitting on the couch, with my leg elevated and a bag of ice on my hamstring... this frickin' svcks!
