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Quote:

Sandi,

At least one of Coconut's redeeming qualities is that he hasn't gone out and bought W a Cadillac! I am going to let you do the honors and explain this one to Coconut.

(((Sandi)))


Against all advice, the betrayed H bought his WW a Cadillac, trying to win her back into the M. She was elated, but it didn't work out very well for the H. If I remember correctly, she and her new Cadillac took off.......leaving the H and the M in the dust.

Yes, you have a lot of redeeming qualities, Coconut. I hope you won't lose them.

Take your time, cool down, and stop looking for all the reasons to leave your W.

Have you took my challenge to stop interacting with your new lady friend?


It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
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Well, I have a direction now.. Confirmed that A is ongoing yesterday with a digital recorder in her car. She was actually taking our friend, that I've known for 25 years to go meet him... I'm done, stayed with my cousin last night and going to tonight, have to figure out what to do after that. I want to get away from the house and just come by when I need to when she's at school.

I will give details, but for all you newbies please note my actions were not the DB way, but I knew I was done so I did things that I wanted to do to finally get a confession and give her a quick lesson on taking care of things without me in her life (and stop last nights date).

So W got home from work yesterday, came in and asked if I was going out and said she was going out with our friend and S was going to play paintball. She went in her room and I went outside to get the recorder, went in my room and started listening. I heard her tell someone:
- I wanted to let you know why I was upset
- I don't want to have secrets
- she really wants to meet you

Then phone call with friend:
- Cnut can check my texts so don't mention OM name in text or anything to allude something is going on
- I'm just going to tell Cnut I'm going to dinner with you then we can go pick OM up

When I heard that, I waited for her to get home from dropping son off at paintball, told her we need to talk right now. I said that I know A is ongoing, why can't you just admit it and let me go, she denied and went in bathroom. I busted bathroom door open, told her I can't believe she's going to take friend to meet him, that I know everything and to just admit it. She continued screaming, denying and telling me to leave so she can shower. Back and forth until she finally said I'm not having an affair, I'm not doing anything, just talking to him, I said that is an A and I left her alone. I went in garage to get suitcases and had the idea to let the air out of her tires, so I started letting air out.

She came out and started pushing and hitting me to get me to stop, I just held my ground and kept trying, but couldn't do it with all the shoving so I said fine, I'll just slash the tires then. She said do it and I'll call the cops, I said go ahead and slashed two tires (cause she has one spare I did two). Then I went in room and started packing. Cops came, asked if I hit her, said no, but she hit me, asked if I had injuries, I said no even though I had a pretty big scratch on my arm (didn't want them to arrest her). Cop said your M, those are your tires, you can slash them, I said I know. Cop said your house, she can't keep you out, but we need someone to leave tonight, I said i was already packing. Had cousin come pick me up and I left, told her on way out I would pick up son.

I went and got son later, told him I know it seems crazy, but I broke bathroom door and slashed tires, just know that I would never touch you or mom, but I had good reason to do those things, I just can't tell you why. Son and I had good heart to heart, he understands, wants to stay close and will call me when needs anything or just to talk.

I left and stayed at cousins, came to house this morning while she's at school so I can grab stuff and repack, what I packed made no sense but I was spinning so couldn't think clearly.


M - 9 1/2 years
5/5/16 - Bomb drop - 3 week EA
10/31/16 - We sold house
01/10/18 - D Finalized
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So now I truly DB, I work on me, I find myself happiest when I'm away from her, so this should go pretty well. I have lots of family and friend support, cnuts is going to be ok (PSM)


M - 9 1/2 years
5/5/16 - Bomb drop - 3 week EA
10/31/16 - We sold house
01/10/18 - D Finalized
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PMA not PSM (positive state of mind, lol)


M - 9 1/2 years
5/5/16 - Bomb drop - 3 week EA
10/31/16 - We sold house
01/10/18 - D Finalized
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Sorry man. Really sorry. My WW wouldn't admit it either. It went down when she caught me fully dressed and putting on my shoes at 3am. She woke up and asked what I was doing. Said I couldn't do this any more, told she had one chance to tell me what was going on with her. She said she didn't know, but she knew she could not give me what I needed right now.
I said I know you are having an affair. She told me she wasn't. I said I know he works with you and I know what his job is, where he lived and what his name was. She said its not true. I said don't make me say his name just admit it. She was getting more nervous and denied it again. I said his name and told her to admit to me that she was having affair. Even then she said its not true, what is your evidence. I said if I open your phone right now and go to your texts with him, this is what I am going to see. Then she began crying and admitted it.
The WW will deny everything,even when faced with undeniable truth. I am so very sorry that it sounds like this was with your friend Cnut.


"There is no more important fight than the one for ourselves. Keep on winning." Ginger1, Read her newbies.
BD: Feb '16
D: Mar '17
Piecing: Putting the self back together was my piecing.
S6


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Man 'nut thats how I would have handled it if I didn't have a week to cool down between finding and disclosure.. It's rough when you find out and i knew at that point I was done...
I too find solice when WW is gone...


Me:47 XW 43
D15 D10
Together 17 married 15
Bd : Mother's Day 2015
Sep :July 2015
Divorce final October 2016
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Oh man...I"m so sorry Coconut!! You will be ok in time...hang in there!!


W:42 M:48
T:9 yrs M:1yr
BD: Feb 2016
EA Confirmed: Feb 2016/PA July 2016
D: Feb 2017

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I hate this for you man. I know some of the women on here will complain about your anger, but you had every right to be angry in my book.

She has shown no respect for you, S or the concept of family. I think you'll be fine too, the fact that you knew but had nothing concrete was obviously eating at you. She made the decision for you by having no respect. You're definitely in the right, and I'm sure you'll be ok....


Me: 35 W: 32
S: 4
T: 6 M: 4
Physical Separation official: 5/21
Currently: DR/DBing, Focusing on me and son

Cheating on a good person is like throwing away a diamond and picking up a rock.
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Cnut!! [censored] to hear buddy. You knew something wasn't right and you did what you needed to make sure. That is totally understandable. What you didn't do right was lose your cool. But you know that. I understand completely though. You saw "red"
I've been there before. It's nearly impossible to control those emotions at that point. But at least you know now. That was your boundary. It is done. Time to move one with your life. You will be just fine buddy.
Don't try and put away all the emotions. Understand what they are, feel them and move on. Because locking it all up will only create more anger and resentment
One day at a time.
You got this


M 37 W 30
S 7
Together 10 years
Married 9 years
BD: 12/12/12(W filed same day)
I moved to apartment 1/11/13
W and S moved to MIL 1/11/13
Peicing: 6/3/13
Reconciled: 7/2013
BD2: 4/20/16
still working on it
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(((Coconut))). I'm so sorry to hear this. I gave her more benefit of doubt than any WW I can remember. She was good! Very slick! It enforces the fact that the WW and AP cannot continue to have any type of contact.

I think you need to stay as far away from her as possible, b/c actions and anger has been taken to another level. I don't know how you will manage to avoid her at work, but I hope you can. You don't need to have it in your face.

Protect yourself legally and financially. She has proven you cannot trust her.

Please don't get the idea to discontinue posting. We want to know how you are doing and what all is happening. You have been helpful to others, and we care and learn from each other's experiences. DB members have a unique bond. So, don't leave us, okay?


It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
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