Mm mm, we'll update, my mil dropped in to see h and ow on her way back from bringing kids home. And she didn't tell me. I am angry at that. Can't trust her either.
Heard something quite sad yesterday...my sons birthday is on Friday, his dad asked him f he wanted him to see him. My son said that no, he wanted to sleep lots as he was having a sleepover so he could FaceTime him instead. I asked son if dad looked disappointed and he thought about and said, yeah I think so then dropped it.
Also when h went to see our youngest a play, a friends partner said that no one sat near him. That is so sad and pitiful.
Hi Mia, I can understand your focus on your H and the scrutiny of some of the things that are happening. However, at some point (and we all get to this in our own time) it is freeing to let some of the interest in his life go...to not worry about what MIL may be doing or saying. To not worry about Dad's reaction about birthday stuff...
As much as you can (and I know this isn't easy) it does help to relax the grip on his life and live your own with an open heart as well as you can given all circumstances. I still think you are holding on tightly and in anger, and I do think the baby steps towards building a rich new life for ourselves and letting them be, working towards release and forgiveness are the best things we can do for ourselves.
What things are you doing for yourself and to move forwards positively without him at this point? Are you making some nice plans for you that bear no relation to him at all my friend?
Hope you are enjoying the heatwave :)xx
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Okay, I get all of that - truly I do and I have been there too Mia. My question to you is how are you going to move yourself forward given all of this - regardless of what he may be doing?
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Haven't posted for a while but here's what is going on.
H has told me to file for divorce as if he did he would say negative things about me that I wouldn't accept but I could say anything about him and he'd agree.
When he dropped the kids back last Saturday from their 'holiday' I told him he needed to stop bullying me with regards to the kids and that as I had primary residency he had to ask my permission for certain things. He responded that I had to do the same but and I said I did not ( I have this in writing from a solicitor)
When I said he couldn't agree with his family neighbours that they could take trips on weekends on my scheduled weekend...( referring to a weekend trip that eventually agreed the kids would take with mil) h says I agreed this with his mum ( Reuters agreed, contributed to the cost, then I had to go with it )
Confronted on cancelling my phone the weekend kids were away ...h says it ran to the end of contract ( we no...contract ends January) then said it wasn't. Cancelled that weekend ( it was working on Friday dead on Saturday)
Asked about removing pics of me off Facebook and blocking me --- h says he hasn't deleted anything and he doesn't use the account anymore.
I found the money I gave him last year to pay his credit cards was not used to pay credit cards ( he now has two with huge debt on) so asked him if he'd used the money to pay them off.....his response is he can't remember !!!
It's just deny deny deny. Is this typical Mlc behaviour. Is he just lying....seriously forgetting ( he seems puzzled when I bring these things up) orbith
Glad you returned to post an update. He's saying and doing the typical MLC stuff.
He wants you to file for divorce because you then have to pay for it, as well as it would make him look like the good guy and be able to say "well, she filed". As for saying negative things about you, what can he say? You didn't abandon your family, you didn't go out there and do the stuff he's done? He's trying to manipulate you into filing. If you want to file, then do so, but I would sit back and let him do the dirty work, if you can stand to wait it out. The divorce decree won't change much of anything because he'll still be in crisis and saying and doing stuff. The only thing the decree will do is protect you and your children from any debt he incurs, etc. Also it will free both of you to move on w/your lives and find someone else to love and hopefully have a relationship...but again, it's your call to file first or not.
I have merged your two threads together since your previous thread had less than 20 postings.
Last edited by job; 08/29/1606:54 AM. Reason: Merged threads
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
He's being ridiculous.....he's also moving again ( 4th place he will lived in within a year....) to be closer to the kids. Seems it's dawned on him that he lives miles away...only took him a year.
His behaviour is odd....his mother said he doesn't seem to be doing anything different than he was doing with me. He's also told his m he is determined to make this relationship work with ow......the man is mad
Some do tend to move quite a bit. I know my xh moved 4 times the first 18 months and have 5 mailing addresses to which mail was going to. He could be moving again to be closer to the kids or maybe the rent is to high or the place isn't all that it's cracked up to be. He may also have discovered that each place didn't make him feel any better. They crave change, hoping it will make them feel better.
As for his mother, she may not seen any changes because he's wearing a mask around her. It took my xMIL a while to witness some of the odd behavior. Trust me, the mask he's wearing around her will eventually drop. I wouldn't put much stock in what he's told his mother. They say all sorts of things along the way. If the relationship works out, fine, if it doesn't, he'll either stay w/her out of pride or move on to the next one....but whatever he does...don't dwell on it.
Always remember, you only have control over you and what you do and how you react to his behavior. You have to make your own choices, set boundaries, continue to move forward and yes...keep the focus on you and your children.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Thanks job, well he has told the kids he's moving to be nearer as my friend stated its a village with back roads so the mount of time probably won't be much different. I can't imagine it's cheaper as he's moving into the same county as us which is a more expensive county.
As time goes on even if he wanted to come back I'm starting to wonder if I could ever forgive him. Personally I think he's living with massive regret but he's stuck.
The holiday he took the kids on.....the kids don't speak particularly highly of it They don't speak particularly highly of ow...indifference is the word that comes to mind........don't think all is as rosey as I've previously thought...and yes that gives me some peace of mind.
So he's got her....he's lost the everyday relationship with his kids, his home, his self respect......which bit is he happy with....he got the girl!! He had the girl....all he has now is a mediocre replacement at best
Ahhhh interesting....was chatting to kids last night....and h is moving closer ( not that much but a bit) and my eldest mentioned that he had asked him whether he wished to stay over mid week.....it's not going to happen, far too disruptive in term time...
I also can understand where he is getting some of his advice...ow....who apparently shares joint residency with her ex....... Mmmmm a bit more difficult if she is moving away.
What is h doing....even the kids comment on how 'ridiculous' some of his ideas/ decisions have been
