Keep Wearing Wedding Band?

[srt]

I kept my ring on for many months, recently I swapped it to my right hand though

More so as it didn't feel right to me to keep wearing something which symbolises something I don't have

Instead I have "parked" the ring on my opposite hand (RH ring finger) as that's how I feel about my M right now, it is "parked"!

Like others say - suit yourself about this

[RDS]

I wrestled with what to do with my ring. I originally said to myself I was going to keep it on until there is a divorce (if there ever is one). But the more I thought about it I decided to take it off as I feel I'm only married in name only and not married as two true partners. When I put the ring back on I want it to symbolize our marriage being born again.

I do know it felt extremely weird for about two weeks after I took it off. Even now I get "ghost" sensations of it being on my finger.

[lfm]

I too decided to take off my ring after about a month post BD. I have not put it on since, with the exception of 2 family events that we have attended together. We have not said anythning to friends, family our or kids yet, but I have made it clear to my WW that I can't wear my ring becuase it's basically a lie at this point, as long as the A conntinues.

[lt0402]

I'm about 1.5 months in and stopped wearing my ring around the house July 4th. I still wear it to work and when I go out, but that's because I've promised myself I would until we tell our D in late August (after our family vacation). I don't think it's right that the world knows about our S before my D does. W has different thoughts apparently and hasn't touched hers since July 4th weekend.

After we tell D about the S, I'm not really sure what I'll do though. Haven't quite gotten that far yet. It's on my list of concerns but is towards the bottom right now. Go with your gut though, like others have suggested.

[roist]

Wearing a ring is a personal choice. No one can answer that for you. Whatever you do, do it for YOU. It is very unlikely to have any affect on W, so it is pointless to take it off just to get a reaction.

If you take it off, are you ready to explain to friends and family that ask why?

I personally have debated the ring issue with myself many times since my situation started. Sometimes I want to take it off just to show her I am not happy as thongs are. Other times, I want to take it off because I just don't feel married.

As recently as last weekend I had the urge to take it off, first time in ages. But for now I keep wearing it. My choice.

But we the lbs make such a big deal over the ring. I am not belittling it's significance
and symbolic meaning. But I know people who wear a ring and cheat and some that don't who do not stray.

[Cherry]

My h hasn't worn his in over a year. It really hurt me at first- because he made such a big deal when we first got married about his ring and what it meant to him.

I only seem to wear mine for work to avoid questions. I'm not doing it to provoke a reaction, I doubt he gives a rats ass. I just don't particularly feel married.

[JRuss]

ForGump -- how are you doing? You've been a really great poster in my thread and several others that I've been trying to follow, but you've posted very little in your own thread. How can we support YOU?

In rereading your sitch, it does as you noted sound a lot like mine. I know that your wife has told you she's not attracted to you and that she really never was, but remember the wise teaching (I think it was cadet originally?) to believe nothing that they say and only half of what they do. The fact of the matter is that very few women get married to a man and have a child or children with him if there's no attraction, so I do question that part. Your wife, if she's like mine, stored up grievances, perhaps for years, and it gradually caused her to lose sight of what moved her toward you initially. Do you have any visibility as to what those things are/were? Those are I think where you want your 180s to start if possible.

I'm also wondering if you are GALing. That has for me a lot of days been all I can point to that makes me feel even ok with myself. It can really be a godsend getting out and doing something, just for you (or, at least as much for you as your current level of detachment permits (I struggle with this mightily)).

Hang in there, Man. I hope you'll post more about your sitch in addition to continuing to be such a help to others here.

[JRuss]

Oh, and re the ring question, I agree it should be only about what YOU want to communicate (to yourself and the outside world). If you make a move or don't make a move with an eye toward how it will impact your W, you'll get into a negative loop where, if she doesn't react the "right" way, you'll feel worse. I say this not judgmentally at all, but more as an oft-burned guy who's gone down the wrong road many times.

[vise82]

Hey,

I took my ring off around valentines day. It was a constant reminder that W was not wearing hers. A reminder of the MR breaking apart. It was affecting my moods and made me angry and sad. I also needed to show that I was moving forward with my life with or with out her.

I held out for a while before I took it off. I tried a couple of times taking the ring off and had to put the ring back on. Then months later tried again and it made sense.

It felt like a lie to wear it and felt like it was tied with hers. It just made no sense to wear it anymore when she wanted no part in the MR and took her rings off.

[Coly23]

Hi ForGump, I have kept my rings on too even though my H has removed his although he said he didn't want to wear one in the first place! I also keep it on as a symbol of my commitment to our marriage and it makes me feel a little stronger. You should do what your heart tells you...