So, I had texted him today to call me but he never did. So I texted him a reminder of where to pick her up ( which he read wrong and went to the wrong place) and I told him since he never called ill tell him what I needed to over text. Here is the convo.
Me: D8 wrote you a little letter wanting to say sow thing to you she is scared to say in person
Ex- ugghh annoying
Me: she's freaking out about giving it to you. Please validate her and give her a hug, she's really stressed over it
Ex: D8 doesn't appreciate things and forgets things the minute they are over. I planned that whole beach trip for her ( without OWW) and we went to the pool with friends and movies. Now what?
Me: it's not that
Ex-ok, I'll see later
Me: she really did love that trip
Ex:thanks:)
So, I'm saying a prayer all went well. I'm glad she can come to me and talk to me about it. When we were talking about the letter, she said " I hope it makes him sad. I want him to feel bad for saying those things"
I explain to her all the time thAt daddy has a hard time handling his emotions and says things he shouldn't. I did tell her he was the same way with me and it was wrong. I tell her no one should ever so those things and she is a wonderful beautiful little girl.
its hard to keep the peace when he does this crap. I try so hard for all of us to just get along, but he doesn't make it easy. I will always be her advocate , but he hates to hear anything from me and I get no where. I began to speak up and defend myself when we were going through IVF and pregnancy. I think he hates me for that.
She loves her dad so much, and I hate to see this. I hate to say it, but I wish I would have upped and moved and started all over when she was a baby. He was going to let me move. Sometimes I wonder if I should have done. I do often fantasize about just moving far far away with her.
Ginger, you did the best that you could and you're still doing it. Your xh is one hellava lucky guy to have married you and to have you work so hard to keep things cordial. What an a$$!
You handled this well. I am sure your D will pick up these invaluable emotional skills from you. (((Ginger)))
Skew is going to grow up into a kicka$$ lady because you're her momma!
You can call me Dory/ Grl.
As a wise fish once sang,"Just keep swimming!"
It's no use to go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.
Thanks, grl. I've always said my ex got lucky with the woman he chose to divorce, lol.
The good news is he took the letter well, thank the lord. D8 said he apologized and said he doesn't mean to call her names, he just gets frustrated sometimes. Hopefully he refrains from calling her names going forward.
My shining moment as a mother yesterday was when I had to explain what a transgender was to my 8 year old.
I was so mentally exhausted from the week last night I passed out at 9:30 on the couch last night. I'd like to go out and party this weekend, but it's a kiddo weekend. Got to find something fun to do. All I know is my nights will include wine.
Glad he responded well but what is he going to do with his frustration from now on? Does she have permission to call him on it? It's so hard when you're on the outside trying to be the real adult! I've been there recently myself. My youngest (who is 19) came to my door crying and telling me that in anger her mother had been grabbing her...she didn't feel safe. Her mother called and I gave her a piece of my mind, I told her that her behaviour was completely unacceptable and I didn't care what they were arguing about, that's their business, but what I did care about is when my daughter shows up at my door in tears telling me she's afraid of her mother...and anytime it gets physical it's not OK! I told her that her behaviour needed to change...and now! She hung up on me. D19 also told her that she needed to do something about her anger or she may not be able to stay with her any longer. Voldy comes from an abusive background and, to be honest, I'm surprised this kind of stuff doesn't raise it's ugly head more often...thankfully it's rare but it's still not OK, and I told her so. Anyway, on the positive side, I was out with my two daughters, Voldy and Voldy's sister (here from HK) and all was well. D19 and her seem to be doing ok as well. So my lengthy tirade here is just to tell you that I do empathize with your sitch...it ain't easy. You want to promote a healthy relationship for your child with your ex but you also want to set boundaries. Not easy. You did good
Sheesh, I'm glad ex apologized, but excusing his nasty cruel name calling by saying he gets frustrated sometimes svcks. He's supposed to be the adult here (well that's probably not a good expectation on my part LOL) and she's just an 8 year old kid.
And she's one of those uber smart, inquisitive, curious, high energy kids who are adorable but sometimes make you want to pull your hair out because they want to know everything, sort of already know everything, and are able to counter your arguments with equally persuasive ones!
I'm sure all that leads to a lot of frustrating parenting moments (my kids were the normal kind who wanted to be garbage men at her age ). Life in general is frustrating. Since he treated you like that, and probably treats OWW like that, what do you think the odds are that he'll stop?
Oh well, at least he acknowledged that he does it and doesn't mean it. Hopefully if he does it again, D8 will be brave and point it out again, now that she broke the ice on the subject.
Jksd, what was your previous DB name? I recognized Ginger's writing immediately, and know you were also here in a previous incarnation LOL
Linda
Me 65, Ex 64 M 38 y 2 adult S, 4 G-Kids MLC 11/07 BD 12/09 D 3/14 Dating nice guy 7/14 Engaged to nice guy 12/17
Wii, I can't believe your ex laid a hand on your daughter, That is awful. I'm so sorry she has to feel unsafe around her own mother. I'm glad things seem to be a bit calmer. In the years he treated me like this, and he has been pretty verbally awful, he never laid a hand on me. for a few years he would punch holes in walls, but that did stop eventually. I hope he choses to just walk out of the room when he is frustrated.
RL, I did tell her it's still not ok to call people names even when they are frustrated.
You described D8 more perfectly than I ever could, lol. And yes, it leads to frustrating parenting moments. I have lost it my fair share of times, but never have I called her names. I tell her she can infuriating and she is going to put me in the looney bin, but that's as "mean" as I get. he just gets downright nasty when things don't go his way. He doesn't spend nearly as much time as I do and has all this help around him, I couldn't imagine if it was just them and more time together.
He will never stop. The odds are slim to none. That's always the sad thing, I guess. I am so glad in the scheme of things he didn't want to stick around. because if he did it would be under his conditions without changes and I just couldn't live like that anymore. It was so sad.
I read about all these "single mother" wars where mom's without any dad in the picture say single mom's where the dad's are in the picture aren't "real" single moms because we get "time off" and a child support check. Well, I would trade in my measly child support check and my "days off" not to have to deal with this crap. I keep the peace and be friendly with him because he isn't going anywhere......but I would never speak to him again if we didn't share a child. But it is best for D8 to have her dad in the picture, but really hard for me sometimes.
Have we met before? I only came onboard last year.
Ginger, I read about the war on the different types of single mothers too. Single with the x in the picture, single without the x and widows. Ok.... And then there was a widow who insisted that all other types of mothers are not really single, and even if we were, it was by choice.
Wow.
I hate to say this but sometimes your x makes my x look not too bad....
You can call me Dory/ Grl.
As a wise fish once sang,"Just keep swimming!"
It's no use to go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.
I hear you with the high energy kids! I resort to spraying my son with a water bottle and threatening to throw out the Nutella.
And your right. It's hard for the less involved spouse to empathize when they have no clue.
Lots of wars on single moms. I was really down yesterday when I googled "dating a single mom". (Geared for divorced and out of wed lock moms) Lots of horrible warnings against it. And I get it. I really do. But lots of the single moms I have met are just amazing.
I don't know what's more damaging for the kids..being intentionally abandoned the way many of them were or dealing with the death of a parent. And it really should be all about the kids right ? Widows don't have to lose time or memories or holidays with their children by sharing them with the same people who cheated, lied, betrayed, and broke vows. Shame on anyone trying to compete for hardships instead of working together to ease the lives of children.
