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NYGal, I hope you are ok. You are such an inspiration. You deserve all the happiness in the world.

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Just a check in to tell you all that my sunny posts are idiotic. W and I had come so far in three months and last week ow called and lo and behold they had lunch on Friday. They planned it they carried it out all while I was stupidly naive and trying so so hard to trust. I'm furious and feel so hurt I can't even tell you.

I don't know how I can ever trust her again. The lying and knowing they planned it for days is what is killing me. I've been fooled again and I hate it


11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker
Reconciling since late April 2016
Don't give up until it's time, then move on
Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
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Oh, NYGal, I'm so sorry! frown That is terrible! I don't understand why your W is risking everything for this person.

How did you find out? Does W know that you know?


M 16 yrs, WH62, P54
3 adult blended kids
EA 11/13, BD1 6/14
PA fall 14, BD2 2/15
Piecing 2015, BD3 12/15
Separated 4/16
WH moved OW in 5/16
Divorced 6/15/17
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So sorry to hear about this NYGal


You can call me Dory/ Grl.

As a wise fish once sang,"Just keep swimming!"

It's no use to go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.
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I'm so sorry to hear that NY - it is devastating to find your partner is still in touch with AP. I went through the same and I truly empathise - ugh.....

For me - that was boundary time - I won't live in a situation where you are in contact with AP. I just knew I couldn't live like that. What does it mean for you?

The thing is - once that affair line is crossed, even though someone might want to turn back and try not to lose the main R - the A is addictive and it is hard to sustain. It does truly have to run it's course and it sounds as though it hasn't yet in your case.

Have you confronted your W with what you know? Keep posting my friend - we are all here for you. Xx


T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
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I'm so sorry NYGal!!


W:42 M:48
T:9 yrs M:1yr
BD: Feb 2016
EA Confirmed: Feb 2016/PA July 2016
D: Feb 2017

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She swears it was for closure. I think it was temp checking and apparently the temp on the other end was rather cold


11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker
Reconciling since late April 2016
Don't give up until it's time, then move on
Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
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Ny gal... No contact means no contact.... You have no idea what the temp was on the other end honestly.

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I had to cut that short because W came into the room. I slept in the spare bedroom again last night. I alternately crave her reassurances that it was just to finally close the door on the A and then I am appalled that she still felt she needed to. She actually said maybe her seeing ow one last time is what we needed to get closer. I looked her in the eye and said it might make you feel closer to me but for me it's like being shot out of a cannon across the city as far from YOU as I could go.

I'm filled with images and thoughts of ow. She's everywhere all the time and I don't know how to get her out of my head. And tomorrow she's expecting to get a huge promotion and raise and I will have to see all the announcements about that. (We all work at the same place.) She has made a pattern of revealing confidential information about employees - staff misconduct that resulted in sanctions and in a few cases the employees were fired. She reveals the confidential details to whomever she's sleeping with that day. And her last three lovers were co-workers. So she's a land mine who shouldn't be promoted in the position she has. But that land mine would blow my legs off if I tell. So I shut up.

Time to start my day and try my hardest to let this go.


11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker
Reconciling since late April 2016
Don't give up until it's time, then move on
Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
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Posts: 2,045
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NYG -
I don't think it is on you to "let this go".

I'm not sure you should DO anything just yet.

But you can't just allow this boundary to be crossed without any issue. What if W said she just needed to sleep with OW one more time "for closure"? Would you be expected to just "let that go" too?

This is about you now. I think your sole focus has been on repairing your R with W. What do you need to heal?

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