I'm new to this forum I hope I'm posting in the correct spot. first of all ive been in a rollercoaster marriage for almost 6 years of being kicked out of my house by wife more times than I can count and having been threatened with divorce hundreds of times. I take a lot of the blame as I am a recovering alcoholic who has had a rough past. I am now sober and trying to clean up the mess. my wife is a Borderline personality disorder who goes from liking me to hating me at the drop of a hat. we have been separated for 2 months with good and bad times during that 2 months just like the rest of our marriage. I am now trying to save our marriage and will put 100% into it..I signed up for coaching but am unsure what to do now as ive only had 1 call so far. please someone help me..we barely talk and when we do shes mean. We have 3 wonderful children who are stuck in the middle of this and the want us to have a happy family life. My wife is not willing to do anything as she feels everything is my fault. NEED GUIDANCE
You may be on moderation now, post in small frequent replies and stay on this thread until you reach 100 posts (for your thread, you can also post on other peoples threads to give support). Especially on this Newcomers forum, where the posting activity is very active, and your posts can quickly fall to the bottom of the page or even several pages down. Keep journaling and asking questions - people will come! Most important - POST!
Get out and Get a Life (GAL). DETACH.
Believe none of what he or she says and half of what he/she does.
Have NO EXPECTATIONS.
Take care of yourself, breathe, eat, sleep, exercise.
Take the parts of this advice that you need and don't worry if I have repeated something that you have already done.
Here are a few links to threads that will help you immensely:
sad87, you said you have had one call with a DB coach. Was there any homework the coach had you do? Share it with us the I'm sure some of the vets can help you out on the path to take.
M 55 W 52 MR 32 T 34+ D29 BD May 8, 2016 - She moved out ILYBNILWY May 15 (Through email) No EA/PA August 23 - DB used against me in every way Divorce July 18, 2017 - Life is getting better every day
Just keep POSTING and one other bit of advice from Wonka that I totally agree with.
Originally Posted By: Wonka
Get DR/DB book. Keep this to yourself. DO NOT share this book or this site at all with your spouse. It is your playbook and not to be shared with the "opposing" team.
It is important to clear the search/browsing history from your computer on a daily basis to prevent the possibility for your WAS to stumble on the DB site and discover your posts here on DB. Erasing the search history will protect your posts and you as well.
We have seen too many Marriages blow up in pieces after the WAS discovers the DB site or DR book. Why is that? It is because the WAS thinks, erroneously I might add, that you are "manipulating" them back into the M.
Keep the DR book and DB site very close to your vest.
My coach told me first not to beg and plead with her as im hsvinv a hard time with. Wife says its over ive had my chsncrs and she needs to live her life alone because shees better that way with nobody. Please ask me anything so i can help anyone further undetstand my story so i can save this!!!
Were being civil with very lil communication. I have horrible seperation anxiety. Ive been trying to read everytbing i can but i find myself looking at pgone every 5 min. And getting more depressed when she says nothing.
I wish i knew. Everytbing i see hear feel. It all reminds me of her. I remember the good times and think. Ill never be able to do this or go there now anymore. When we have rough times like this im careful what i watch listen to do. Just so it dont ruin it for me if we get back together seeing or hearing something will remind me of the dark dark place im in
How is your sobriety going? how many days? are you going to AA meetings? Do you have a sponsor?
I ask because the addiction seems to be a big cause of your current SITCH, and turning this mess around is absolutely dependent on your sobriety. The trick is - you have to be committed to making positive changes in yourself - e.g., sobriety - for YOU and to become a better person, and not to save your marriage.
Best wishes to you. I will follow your progress sad87.
Me-45, W-37, T-10 yrs, M-9 yrs D -7 yrs, S-5 yrs BD-5/3/16, D filed 6/8/16
Sober life is going great. I have been sober over 2 months. My wife was very nice today. Sitting with me at baseball games texting me things that she wouldnt have had to. All this 1 day after saying over for good. Confusion hard. I was polite with her and did not push her. Just friendly. She says maybd can b friends but sees us as nothing else. Says cannot afford divorce but urged me to and to find someone else and live my life
