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Originally Posted By: bodhi
I'm still getting his mail. Maybe I could at least remind him to get that forwarded.


My wife finally got her addressed changed for almost all of her mail except Victoria's Secret. I still get the Victoria's Secret catalogs. My wife is attempting to kill me, but I'm not letting that happen. The catalogs go straight to the trashcan; I don't even look at the covers.

I am going to set a boundary with my wife. I'm going to buy a VS bra for myself and the next time she drops our sons off, I'm going to be wearing the bra (without a shirt). I'll let her know that I'll continue wearing the bra until she stops the onslaught of VS catalogs. How's that for setting a boundary and enforcing the consequences?

I'm hoping to set an example for others.

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Haha! You crack me up doodler smile

Really though, I don't know if I should reach out to him or not. I feel like I desperately want a temperature check, and I don't want to be completely no contact. He is so, so stubborn and I know regardless of his wants will wait for me to reach out to him first, as that's how it always has been in our relationship. Just a quick "hey, how are ya, FYI, I'm still getting all your mail."

Also begs the question of text message or phone call. I'm pretty sure the phone call will go straight to voicemail.


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bodhi,

The only honest answer I can give you is that I don't know what's best. You're clearly pining for him. Does he want any contact with you?

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I honestly have no idea. The last thing that he had said to me was that he "wished very badly it went any other way" (than the divorce). We haven't talked since then, so I don't really know what's going on with him.

One part of me says "absence makes the heart grow fonder," the other part of me says "out of sight, out of mind." At the same time I keep thinking if he wanted contact with me, he would do so. But at the same time, all I want is contact with him and yet I'm not contacting him. As I mentioned, he's extremely stubborn. So that could be it. Or it could be that he really wants a divorce and is just moving on and not contacting me to make that easier on himself.

It's really, really confusing.


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I don't know though...like I said, I feel I'm just reaching for a temperature check...I'm doing good with the 180 and GAL, I've been working out and spending time with friends and going to events, making strides at work and taking good care of my house and myself. But there's all this doubt in my head. I feel like for my own sanity I need this divorce to either be halted or finished off with. I wish if he was truly done he would just file the paperwork already. There's nothing stopping him if a divorce is what he really wants. The only thing I asked for in the dissolution was for him to please not drag his feet, and that's just what he's doing.


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bodhi,

I know exactly what you're talking about. I've been there. It's the need to have some resolution; anything to stop the pain of being in limbo. That's very difficult.

I'm hoping a veteran will stop by and give you something more concrete. I don't think contacting him about his mail is an issue. I think the problem is that you'll try to prolong the contact and that may tend to drive him further away.

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Originally Posted By: doodler

I don't think contacting him about his mail is an issue. I think the problem is that you'll try to prolong the contact and that may tend to drive him further away.


That was my thinking, that it probably wouldn't be an issue to do that in and of itself. I definitely don't plan on taking the conversation any further than that, but then...I guess what would be my point in the first place?

He'd probably just say "okay thanks" and end the conversation there, so there's not really anything I'd be getting out of it. I don't see him saying much else past that. Maybe he would though. I'm at a loss.


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bodhi,

I think you came to the correct conclusion. I'm very sorry it's all so hard and frustrating and confusing.

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Perhaps I'll give it another week, or maybe two. After all, it has only been a week since we last talked. I'm sure he hasn't come to any revolutionary conclusions about what he wants in that time.

The last time that we were separated and reconciled, all I did was give him some space and then call him about a month later and asked if we could talk. Next thing I know, he drove over to our house and we were back together.

I hope to god I can recreate that.


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bodhi,

I'd bet you can recreate that and I'll forward all of those Victoria's Secret cataloges to you so that you can buy some persuasive attire for him. I knew my wife's crappy mail would be good for something.

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