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I guess it's just saying that I feel I need to take some me time away from everyone including toddler, makes me feel like an awful mama. It's not like he's done anything wrong in all of this!

And yeah, his head is well and truly up his ass. And I'm getting at peace with the idea that there is only him that can remove it from there.

Looking forward to having a girly day. She's having a hard time with the man in her life- so it's a man free zone, and a treat day for us.


Me 26 H 25
M 4
T 5
Baby born 4/14
BD: 1/15
EA: 2/15
PA: 4/15
reconciling: 4/15
ILYBINILWY- 11/15
ILY-1/16
ILYBNILWY 4/16
ILY 6/16
ILYBINILWY 6/16
Baby due 3/17
BD 8/16
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Remember what they say about plane crashes and oxygen masks? They tell the adult to first put on their mask before assisting the child with theirs. Because a person cannot adequately assist another when they are in acute distress. Your baby deserves the best mother, and that mother therefore deserves the best treatment. The only way to give her the best is if you make sure you are well cared for.

My biggest struggle with GAL is finding time outside of work, children and DBing my marriage. I need to take a page from your book and start carving out a few hours here and there to hang out with friends.


M 10yrs T 13yrs
BD #1Oct 2015-PA between WAH and COW
BD #2 April 2016-WH resumed PA, she broke it off
Jan 2 2017 WH says he wants divorce
April '17-Letting go
2018 D busted
DD8, DS6, DS3
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Cherry, my contractor was asking how many shoes I have so that we can build me a suitable full-length shoe rack.

And guess who and whose shoes I was thinking of? wink


You can call me Dory/ Grl.

As a wise fish once sang,"Just keep swimming!"

It's no use to go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.
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Cherry Offline OP
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Sadsara, it's tricky and for a while I haven't done it. I'm a carer for my mil, kids and work and running a home definitely keeps you busy. But I often find carving a few hours for me helps me balance, find perspective and rejuvenate me. But the guilt sometimes eats me up!

And grl, I do have a fair few shoes, it's bad really. But like my Chanel bags, they are collatera. Chanel is always vintage- so you I can always sell them. At least this is how I justify a purchase. In my defence, as a teenager, I always lusted after these things. And the only way I thought I could ever afford these is if I graft damn hard. So that's what I do. I guess my independence is something my h isn't too fond of, he's told me I don't need him for much. But I guess that's because when he first went off into the fog, I had got too codependent. I broke myself free of that when I realised I couldn't rely on him. Yet another of his strange conflicting opinions.

Today I got ready, I told him he was on baby sitting duty. He says "are you going out, where are you going". I never ask him where he is going. And given that he apparently wants a d, I don't understand why he is bothered as to where I'm going and what I'm doing


Me 26 H 25
M 4
T 5
Baby born 4/14
BD: 1/15
EA: 2/15
PA: 4/15
reconciling: 4/15
ILYBINILWY- 11/15
ILY-1/16
ILYBNILWY 4/16
ILY 6/16
ILYBINILWY 6/16
Baby due 3/17
BD 8/16
Joined: May 2016
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Originally Posted By: Cherry
Today I got ready, I told him he was on baby sitting duty. He says "are you going out, where are you going". I never ask him where he is going. And given that he apparently wants a d, I don't understand why he is bothered as to where I'm going and what I'm doing

So, what did you tell him? You know you can't expect the same behavior your show him to be replicated back to you, otherwise you wouldn't be on these forums, would ya? =P

I hope you have a wonderful pamper day for yourself. With two of you both having problems, I'd suggest to refrain from letting the day get ruined with constant bitch-sessions of how horrible men are smile (yes, I'm biased, haha). My dog is getting his pamper pedicure next up on my list (he gets it with a dremel tool and I sand them down. haha), hardly a "pamper"... he frickin' hates it lol.


M34 W28, T7, M2
W filed D 6/7/16

...who doesn't love a lost cause?
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Cherry Offline OP
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Are you meaning that if I show him the same behaviour as he gives me I'm condoning that kinda behaviour? I just told him I was going out with a girlfriend. But maybe just saying "out" would have gotten him thinking.

Thank you. Nope, we didn't lay into men all day long! We just had a good girly day! Hey a pedi is a pedi!

Was a good day really, did plenty of shopping, lots of walking and food. I think it does do good just to step away for a little while. The happy couples doing some pda's does get the back of the bitter cherry up in me. But hey I guess that's jealousy for you. At some point we were the happy couple without a care in the world of our surroundings and who's watching


Me 26 H 25
M 4
T 5
Baby born 4/14
BD: 1/15
EA: 2/15
PA: 4/15
reconciling: 4/15
ILYBINILWY- 11/15
ILY-1/16
ILYBNILWY 4/16
ILY 6/16
ILYBINILWY 6/16
Baby due 3/17
BD 8/16
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Cherry Offline OP
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Happy Sunday all. After a busy day yesterday, the fatigue has hit me like a truck today, I'm so sleepy! I really enjoyed yesterday. This is the girlfriend I went to Paris with. And she's so supportive, she doesn't use my sadness as an opportunity to bash my h and give me the "oh just walk away, you deserve better" like some well meaning friends. I know that a gal session with her needs to happen more often, it's nice to just have a good day of shopping and catching a coffee.

Today is very much the same with h. I try to keep steady with my behaviours and just treat him like he is just a house guest. But sometimes the mind can just wonder what the hell goes on in their minds. I came home last night and he was super chirpy with me. Today, cold as ice.

Despite feeling ultra tired, going to fit some exercise in. Maybe have a sort of my closet, and enjoy some time playing with toddler smile


Me 26 H 25
M 4
T 5
Baby born 4/14
BD: 1/15
EA: 2/15
PA: 4/15
reconciling: 4/15
ILYBINILWY- 11/15
ILY-1/16
ILYBNILWY 4/16
ILY 6/16
ILYBINILWY 6/16
Baby due 3/17
BD 8/16
Joined: Sep 2015
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Glad that you have a supportive friend. Yup, most of our friends and family will tell us to go get someone better because a) they can't stand to see us in pain, b) it's what they think they would do or wish could do or c) they want us to stop complaining. wink

But Cherry, as a quote goes, don't listen to peopke who do not have to live your decisions (especially if they don't know anything about dbing). You will know when you're ready to make certain decisions.


You can call me Dory/ Grl.

As a wise fish once sang,"Just keep swimming!"

It's no use to go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.
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Grl, you are totally right. And this is the very reason that I'm very careful on the select few that actually know what is going on in my life.

I like to pride myself on being quite strong minded, I've never been one who follows or submits to peer pressure.

But you are totally right, when I know what decision to make, I'll know. And right now, I'm still digging my heels in and standing for my marriage. And then whatever my decision, or whatever happens, I know I can whole heartedly say I absolutely tried my best. I think part of my decision is I just don't quite but it deep down. His actions often say otherwise than his spews. I know I cannot listen to his spews because they are often the ramblings of a crazy man. Such as his, "I'll get another place round the corner, and I can spend the days with the family, and have all our meals together, I'd just sleep elsewhere"


Me 26 H 25
M 4
T 5
Baby born 4/14
BD: 1/15
EA: 2/15
PA: 4/15
reconciling: 4/15
ILYBINILWY- 11/15
ILY-1/16
ILYBNILWY 4/16
ILY 6/16
ILYBINILWY 6/16
Baby due 3/17
BD 8/16
Joined: May 2016
Posts: 682
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Originally Posted By: Cherry
Are you meaning that if I show him the same behaviour as he gives me I'm condoning that kinda behaviour? I just told him I was going out with a girlfriend. But maybe just saying "out" would have gotten him thinking.

No, Cherry. That's somewhat true, but not entirely what I meant by my comment. Sorry for my confusion. All I'm saying is that we are the ones on DB, we are the ones that have chosen to really put the work in and "carry the load" of fixing our M's (or ourselves).

All I mean was that your "better" actions towards him and the R, should never be expected to be replicated back to you. You're the DB'r here, not him... You're the one doing the right thing, and your WAS is never going to offer the same "right" actions back to you. Does that make any more sense at all? Sorry, I'm a little loopy today and going a bit stir crazy due to this leg injury that's had me couped up on the couch with ice bags all weekend.

"Going out for a bit" is good. "Going out with a friend" is good. "Going out with <friend's name>" is good. They are all fine, and you handled it well. I'm glad you had a good day out with your girlfriend, and you should NOT feel one bit guilty about "getting away" from your home life and little one. Everyone (especially us putting in the hard work), deserves time for themselves, no matter what you choose to do with it. I'd even recommend a "just 10 minutes" approach every day... no matter what it is, take at least 10 minutes of the day and do something that is only something that matters to you, regardless of the implications of others around (obviously, some expections apply haha)... As much as I hate my W's horrible spending habits, I'm glad you got to enjoy your day of shopping and hope you got a nice new pair of "flats" to enjoy slipping into smile


M34 W28, T7, M2
W filed D 6/7/16

...who doesn't love a lost cause?
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