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Cherry, I am going to differ slightly from Sexy Sara.

Since your WH has confided in you that he may be having mental ( did he say he is depressed?), I thought you could perhaps do him a favour and make him an appointment. But then that's it. Ecerything else is up to him.

Good job on biting back your tongue when you realised the discrepancy in his reality and yours.

I don't know if we should treat your H as having sort of a MLC? It seems that we're more inclined to treat MLC spouses more kindly? But I am not a vet, not well- versed in MLC.


You can call me Dory/ Grl.

As a wise fish once sang,"Just keep swimming!"

It's no use to go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.
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No he didn't say depressed- he just said "mental health issues" but he did not want to talk about these with me.

I am getting better at the tongue biting these days, I try and think if I say something, what impact will it have, will it help me- or will it come across as nagging/pouting. Quite often the answer is it will not help- so stfu.

He's a confusing case, he's only young so not sure about the midlife crisis, but then I guess there isn't really an age range on it. He was always such a strong gentleman, he had good morals, and so never did the whole messing around with girls thing. Now it seems his new group of friends are all young guys with no particular responsibilities. Sometimes I think maybe he feels he has missed out on this, and has a young child and another on the way to worry about providing for.

Nice sunny day today, thought I'd make the most of it. Got up and got a good morning workout in once the morning sickness subsided. As part of my goals for self, I would like to continue to exercise while pregnant. Last pregnancy, although I was just all bump. I didn't feel good about myself. And as much as anyone else told me I looked good, I wouldn't believe them. I had hyperemsis last pregnancy too which resulted in me basically housebound for dizziness. And my ob wouldn't let me work- this resulted in me getting depression which wasn't diagnosed until baby was 8 months old. I'm determined for that not to happen this time. So I think the exercise will help, and forcing myself to get up and put regardless of feeling like sh*t.

I'd love to embrace these changes and walk around glowing wink


Me 26 H 25
M 4
T 5
Baby born 4/14
BD: 1/15
EA: 2/15
PA: 4/15
reconciling: 4/15
ILYBINILWY- 11/15
ILY-1/16
ILYBNILWY 4/16
ILY 6/16
ILYBINILWY 6/16
Baby due 3/17
BD 8/16
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Also last night while talking. H swears on his life that there is no one else, and he isn't cheating. This is one of the conversations that I just don't know what to say, aside from "okay"


Me 26 H 25
M 4
T 5
Baby born 4/14
BD: 1/15
EA: 2/15
PA: 4/15
reconciling: 4/15
ILYBINILWY- 11/15
ILY-1/16
ILYBNILWY 4/16
ILY 6/16
ILYBINILWY 6/16
Baby due 3/17
BD 8/16
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I took some time to read up on your sitch... Your H is really something else. If nothing else, he's allowing you the opportunity to show yourself what your truly made of... grit? perhaps?

I almost see your H's actions as that of a very conflicted person, he does one thing, says one thing, then feels guilt and remorse at the same time (kind words, hair stroking, etc)... and then lies about it all... Or maybe he's just that bad of a person that he doesn't realize he's doing anything wrong... either way, you're actions show that of a very strong woman.

I know what you mean on the OW conversation... After I confronted my W of EA/OM, she lied, screamed, yelled, etc... the whole deal, which was expected. It came up a couple times since then that SHE will never be able to trust ME again (granted, I had no affair, or ever anything close to it), and I would mention softly, "you can't trust me? are you still talking to OM?" and she would lie right to my face. I'd go inside, log into our phone bill and say "isn't this his number" and it would turn into a "YOU DONT KNOW SH1T BLAH BLAH BLAH"... the next time it'd come up, she'd lie again, and again... it just baffles me the mindset of someone in WAS fog... I don't bring it up at all, and it only comes up if she says something about it, and I just nod and say "okay"... just like you.

Anyways, I'm sorry you're having to go through this. It's a horrible thing, and I wish the best to you. Stay strong, Cherry.


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Hey betterm, thanks for swinging by!

Yep, he really is something else. It seems as though he has a personality disorder. I do try my best not to overthink his strange behaviour, as he would spew and then like you say- he feels the guilt and wants to do something nice for me, or go out with me and toddler.

Literally the day before he dropped the d word, he had told me that he didn't want to call quits on the relationship as he knew and loved me and didn't want to leave me. Then it's like naaaa forget it- I think I want a d. I'd tear my hair out, but it's took years to grow this lovely long hair!

Jekyl came home tonight. I asked him one question, he grunted at me. So I decided to leave it at that, took toddler up to get ready for bed. H came in my room- got changed and went out without saying a word. I shall have a pamper tonight, my skin is calling out for a facemask.

Got a day of gal with my best girlfriend tomorrow. I hate to say this, as being a mamma gives you the biggest guilt, but I felt like I needed a date with my girl on my own and get away from everyone and everything for a few hours.


Me 26 H 25
M 4
T 5
Baby born 4/14
BD: 1/15
EA: 2/15
PA: 4/15
reconciling: 4/15
ILYBINILWY- 11/15
ILY-1/16
ILYBNILWY 4/16
ILY 6/16
ILYBINILWY 6/16
Baby due 3/17
BD 8/16
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Originally Posted By: Cherry
Literally the day before he dropped the d word, he had told me that he didn't want to call quits on the relationship as he knew and loved me and didn't want to leave me.

The last conversation I had with my W before I got my papers was the night before I received them. She said "I don't not want to get a divorce. All I want is to be with you for the rest of my life and start a happy family with the man I love"... The next day, I got served. It was at that point when I realized I can't believe a GD word she says.

She came to the house that night (she'd been living with parents), just to "say hi" and "see how I was doing"... I said "oh, well hi, I don't have much to say to you right now", and she left without saying much more... I didn't talk to her for over a week. When we did finally talk again (she'd called/texted several times that went ignored by me) ...she gave me some long spiel about how "there is a reason for a 60 day hold on divorces, it's to allow couples time to really decide if they want to get a D. So we have 60 days to fix this or we get divorced."

By the time that talk happened, my tone had changed, and she was surprised to hear me say, "I'm not interested in stopping the divorce, I hope you find what you're looking for"...

I have a feeling our H and W are thinking about the same. They don't know what the h3ll they want, but they are trying everything they can think of to figure it out. EAs/PAs, filing, means of escape (my W started drinking heavily and smoking weed), they are just lost. They've lost themselves, they don't know who they are, or what they want... it's a shame... they will be missing out on two very great people if they don't get their sh1t together. (cherry)


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...who doesn't love a lost cause?
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That does sound very like him. I guess that's the importance of becoming detached because if we react to their every statement, we would send ourselves insane.

I really do think it's like an identity crisis. Like you say, they aren't sure of who they are or what they are doing. And I guess the best thing they think they can do for themselves is chuck us away.

The other day he even said to ignore the words he says and look at his actions. I'm kinda choosing to ignore both right now. Especially as today he has decided to give me the silent treatment again.

In a way, I'm kind of getting to the stage of calling his bluff and telling him to leave. I guess the fear of loosing him keeps me from doing this. Though I fear one day, it will get to that stage. And that will be the point he snaps out of it and realise what he stands to loose. He doesn't acknowledge my pregnancy at all, I have a feeling that is part of his freakout. But I guess that's mindreading.


Me 26 H 25
M 4
T 5
Baby born 4/14
BD: 1/15
EA: 2/15
PA: 4/15
reconciling: 4/15
ILYBINILWY- 11/15
ILY-1/16
ILYBNILWY 4/16
ILY 6/16
ILYBINILWY 6/16
Baby due 3/17
BD 8/16
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Originally Posted By: Cherry
He doesn't acknowledge my pregnancy

I wonder what the reaction would be if you told him it's not his? That might stir things up a little bit? Up for some fun!? smile no no, jk.

Originally Posted By: Cherry
The other day he even said to ignore the words he says and look at his actions.

Oh, you mean the actions that he's still actively pursuing an A with someone else? yeah, those actions speak much more gently than the bullsh1t he's spewing out of his mouth. (Sorry, I'm kind of in a foul mood right now... forgive me?) smile
Originally Posted By: Cherry
I guess the fear of loosing him keeps me from doing this.

You love this man, that's why we married our spouses, regardless of their known/unknown flaws... but if this day ever becomes permanent, I hope you know in your heart that you're not the one who drew the short straw for the future... That's why we are putting in the work we are right now... to "know" that we are that "catch" that most people would dream of having, holding, for life... sure, we've made mistakes, but it's time to drop the past, focus the now, create superstars with who we our authentic selves are... hang in there Chry... You got this smile


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Haha that certainly would stir up some reaction. With all the crazy he spews, I'm very surprised that hasn't come out.

Mm yeah those would be the actions *rolls eyes* and I forgive you- cuss away. I am just as bad.

Thank you, I appreciate anyone cheerleading for me smile and you are right. It's sad that there's a whole community of us putting such a hard graft in to save our r's. Good people, people who truly meant those vows when they said them. In trying my best to get by day by day at the moment. All I can do is prepare myself for the future, regardless of what happens , but there is absolutely no sense in me worrying about it.


Me 26 H 25
M 4
T 5
Baby born 4/14
BD: 1/15
EA: 2/15
PA: 4/15
reconciling: 4/15
ILYBINILWY- 11/15
ILY-1/16
ILYBNILWY 4/16
ILY 6/16
ILYBINILWY 6/16
Baby due 3/17
BD 8/16
Joined: Sep 2015
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Hi Cherry,
Don't feel bad for taking a day out for yourself. You have so many things going on that you definitely should take more time for yourself!

I am sorry that your H is still so messed up in his head. What an eejit!


You can call me Dory/ Grl.

As a wise fish once sang,"Just keep swimming!"

It's no use to go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.
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