My ex too loved going to the police with false claims. It was the police who came to me to warn me that there was something wrong with her. When she changed she got shark eyes, couldn't look at me. My kids are older 14 and 16. They also saw that their mom was gone. I
Irish, Same here! She made several false claims in court: 1. that if she tried to divorce me I would kill her 2. that I would take the kids out of the country 3. that if child protective service ever came I would lock and load and much more.... She got shark eyes as well and can't look at me in the eyes! The judge understood that there was something wrong with her and ordered a psychological evaluation and the results were: 1. Her mom divorced her father out of the blue when she was 7 (my daughter now is 7 and she is doing the same to me) 2. She has intrusive thoughts 3. She has mild schizophrenia, the tends to distort reality 3. She has mild anxiety 4. She tends to see things black and white with a self-righteous stance
I have read that the length of the MLC is directly proportional to the amount of NC, in other words, the more we ignore them and let them to their thing, the faster they will come out of the MLC. Also I have read that when they do come back, they will apologize for everything under the sun and they will work very hard to restore the relationship, and that's when we need to be accepting to them.
I have read that the length of the MLC is directly proportional to the amount of NC, in other words, the more we ignore them and let them to their thing, the faster they will come out of the MLC. Also I have read that when they do come back, they will apologize for everything under the sun and they will work very hard to restore the relationship, and that's when we need to be accepting to them.
This caught my attention because I wonder about the source ^^^ right there. Just so you know, I am a reformed former badass MLCer and I do come by around this forum to lend support/assistance whenever possible.
Was that from a book or.....? I'd like to know the name of the book (or whatever source it came from).
I posted to a poster in the Newcomer forum that the MLC is not a recognized "disorder" by the APA nor is it in the DSM-IV manual. Too frequently, many therapists and psychologists are very skeptical of MLC and scoff at the notion that MLC is indeed real...not some fictionalized balding middle-aged man driving a red Ferrari with a 20-something GF.
So you could say that I am interested in learning more about the "source" you just posted here.
It was from an article that I read online and it made sense to me. Imagine if I begged my wife now every day to come back, that would just turn her off even more and I would look like a loser in her eyes, plus she wouldn't be free to find herself and find out what she really wants, if she really wants to be with me for the rest of her life or if she wants another man or even stay single and focus on career and kids. By completely leaving her alone and cutting my communication to a minimum only about the kids, I give her the freedom to rediscover herself and eventually hopefully she will find out sooner what she wants and decide that it's best to just keep the family together for her own sanity and for everyone happiness.
Thanks for the response, Cld. Wonder if you could just write either the article title or the author's name so I can Google it myself. Or the full date of the article and magazine name.
I don't agree on the above Cld. No 2 situations are the same and no 2 people are the same. There are too many factors. Similar actions and behaviour traits yes. But the core of the person is determined but so much more.
Age, gender, upbringing, metal and physical health. Many have other issues such as ADD, anxiety, bi polar, alcohol/ substance abuse, ADHD, eating disorders, paranoia, schizophrenia, and I could go on
Add hormonal imbalance.
OM/OW, enablers.
Now top that off with you. The LBS. Some of us are calm and loving, some controling and jealous. We have our own issues as per the lists above that played a roll in this. We didn't cause it but we didn't help it either.
Please don't try to map your W by compairing it to other W's that went MLC
2 yrs, 4yrs , 7yrs or maybe forever Don't waste your time waiting .
If she comes out of it and wants back you will have grown so much that you might chose to continue your own path and not take her back.
M51 XW43 (38 at bd) BD1 MAY 30 2015 BD2 JUNE 25 2015 by text moved out Aug 2 2015 left both Daughters 13 and 15 (now 18-20) Her divorce Final July 26 2016 Last time she saw her kids Aug 2 2015
I agree with you, Irish. Situations are all different. Having said that I will not put another woman in front of my children, I will just stay single and have a relationship with my children instead. My main goal right now is to make enough money so that they can run my business someday or go to college if they wish to do so. Preserving their emotional well being is also a high priority so that they won't have problems with their relationships when they grow up or develop mental illnesses.
Hi Drew No problem on the hijack . Open discussion is for all.
I put my kids first. They need more love than ever. Abandonment of their mother has huge effects on them that will last a lifetime.
I kept our day to day the same but added to it.
At first they wanted to move out of the house. I refused . It's our home . Great memories. My XW was in the house as monster for less than 2 months. So those bad memories do it hold. My girls redecorated their rooms, help change the living room and even helped me make some furniture from scratch.
Today they call it their house. They are happy I didn't sell.
I also kept vacations as they were . New memories created without XW. Also went to places we visited with W over the years and reclaimed those as ours.
I will not let my kids become crisis kids . This cycle of MLC will not continue with them.
With all that said . I do have a female friend. She is understanding of the situation. I don't and won't introduce the kids to her just yet and I don't give her the ideas of long term. I am not ready as I am still healing.
Cld it's great you put your kids first but think of CLd. If you can't see another women right now then ok, you are not ready. Don't close any doors in the future . You never know what could come your way.
M51 XW43 (38 at bd) BD1 MAY 30 2015 BD2 JUNE 25 2015 by text moved out Aug 2 2015 left both Daughters 13 and 15 (now 18-20) Her divorce Final July 26 2016 Last time she saw her kids Aug 2 2015
the grass is not greener on the other side of the pond, it's only greener where we water it. I am very confident that I will reconcile with my ex wife someday, and I will be here to prove it to you. I am already writing a book called "How I turned my marriage around". I am not going to throw away a 10 year relationship with two children and start from scratch especially after I learned that midlife crises are temporary. Watch this. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WHvV55IpAxk
