A new day is approaching

[Irish M]

Hi Cld

I had a feeling you would say that.
I agree divorce is over. Is she coming back ... Nope .
If she is she is far away from who she needs to become.

i won't waiste any energy on it.

All I see now is a woman who tried the feel sorry victim approached a few days ago to now referring us a friends and being all sweet in an email.

There was no appoligy, no how are the girls.
It was her asking for the impossible at this moment.

I responded. To her request for the girls to call XMIL and her friend to me comment.

"The girls are old enough to answer your mother if she wants to ask them directly.
I will not push or trick them into calling her.

As for me and you as friends. I don't see that to be a possibility at this moment. What you did to me and our girls will not just be erased from our minds. You hurt our girls in the worst possible way a mother can hurt their children.

Your choice to abandone them and you chose OM over them will stay in their broken hearts for a long long time. As long as you are with OM you know very well the girls will not ever go there or accept your choice.

I will also protect my girls. I am a father and I am doing my job as one.

I wish you peace and happiness.

Irish

[Cld]

Your answer was perfect.
You clearly stated that you won't be friend zoned and that she needs to dump the other man in order to regain respect from the girls and from you.
You are not letting her eat cake.
I believe that she will just do that at some point.
She will dump the other man and she will apologize for everything she did. She will also try to contact the girls at that point.
I think your situation will improve a lot at some point.

[job]

Irish,
I'm very sorry to read that you've injured your foot. I hope it heals quickly.

As for your wife, some of the MLCers begin to contact their former spouses once the divorce is final. Why? Because the pressure is off of them to come back into the relationship. Also, they want to be able to say that even though you are divorced, you can be friends and it makes them look good in the eyes of the world.

As for the girls calling their mother...I'm right there w/you. They are old enough to decide whether they want to contact her or not. She's the one that needs to find a way to mend the broken fences...not you or the girls.

Generally, MLCers do not come right out and apologize. They tend to skirt around the apology and talk about having regrets, etc.

You've stated how you feel about being friends. I can still remember when my xh suggested being friends and I said it wasn't happening after all of the damage he had left behind. His comment was "Everyone I know that is divorced are friends and do things together now that they are divorced". I pointed out that his friends had children and were tied up in joint financial ventures and had to get along. I pointed out that we had absolutely nothing left in the way of joint ventures or children to keep up connected. He finally realized that I was not going to be his friend, which in his mind, he thought being friendly would allow him to ask for things from my home after being gone 5 years and married to ow at least 2 years.

Being friends to a MLCer doesn't mean the same thing that we think of when we say we are friends. They don't understand what the true meaning of "being friends" means.

I do think you've handled the entire situation w/class. You've stated very plainly what you will or will not do and she's having a difficult time understanding that the choices she made have impacted everyone, not just herself. However, as time rolls on, she will begin to see more and more of the damage she's left behind.

You are doing a wonderful job in protecting your girls.

[mirage]

You da man!!! Irish

An understanding of the situation and the means to act in a way that shows true character.

Love it.

Mirage

[Irish M]

I think your situation will improve a lot at some point.

Hi Cld
I don't think at all about my situation with her. I think about me and my girls and our happiness.

As for your wife, some of the MLCers begin to contact their former spouses once the divorce is final. Why? Because the pressure is off of them to come back into the relationship. Also, they want to be able to say that even though you are divorced, you can be friends and it makes them look good in the eyes of the world.

Generally, MLCers do not come right out and apologize. They tend to skirt around the apology and talk about having regrets, etc.

Hi Job :-)

I believe this is happening as well. I didn't expect it a day after the notary papers were signed. She is trying the guilt trip and the be nice tactics. I will not fall for either. I won't be the lighthouse either since she is still with OM. I will continue the best path for me.. and my girls of course.

Hey Mirage, It's been a long time. Thanks for the support.

Got home from work and opened my personal email. XW hasn't written to that email address in a long long time. There's a message from her talking about a vaccine for teenage girls ( i am already on this )

What really made me mad was .."hope your injury wasn't too severe and i wish you a speedy recovery".

I did post a pic of my new boot as a cast yesterday morning. All in private. My Facebook has been turned off to anyone outside my friends.

I do have some friends that were XW's. It makes me mad that she would have them spy on my page for her. They say MLC'r watch us from afar. Park outside our houses and ask about us. I will have nothing to do with that.

I asked her who told her. She replies a friend and she doesn't have to tell me.

I mention 2 names and she replies.. you are sick, you need help...


so it went from pity me, be my friend to I'm sick.

not sure if I reply or not at all this point. lol

Irish

[job]

I wouldn't reply back to her at this time. Her guilt is eating at her and she will do anything to have contact w/you and the girls at this time. Leave her to stew in her pot of juices for a while.

Now that the pressure is off of her, i.e., paperwork signed, she's turning her focus on trying to stay connected w/you the only way she knows how...the children. Yes, you are doing the right thing by being civil to her, but you do not need to respond to her missives unless it's important or directly related to the girls at this time. She needs to miss what she had and has now lost.

BTW, I don't think the friends told her. I think she may have visited their FB pages and found you there and clicked on the info and saw what you posted.

As for you, my friend, take care of that foot, continue moving forward and keep the focus on you and your girls.

[bttrfly]

I love your state of mind vis a vis ex.
Right on! Focus needs to remain on your girls and yourself.

dislocated finger? fractured foot? smh friend, what the heck are you doing over there? At least you had fun, right?

In all seriousness, you sound solid and strong and I am very proud of you for not falling into her trap. Take care of yourself !!! xoxoxo

[HaWho]

Irish - I so admire your determination to not allow your life or the life of your daughters to be re-routed by all that outside insane chatter.

It inspires me to do the same in my sitch. I love watching you stay the sane course!

[123Gwen]

Just be the lighthouse for you and your D's. Best to you Irish.

[Irish M]

Thank you Job, Bttrfly , HaWho and Gwen. xxx thank you so much for the support

update on my foot/. Its healing extremely fast and I should be BOOT free in a week or so. I am disappointed that I wont be able to run the 6K Xmen race this year. It's next week. Better to heal properly and race another day.

As for replying to my EX.. I did. a day later. Her calling me sick got to me. I know , I know. let it roll off you.

I needed to express my thoughts on the subject. I said it as politely as possible.
" i'm sick ? I guess it was I would abandoned my kids and putting OM first instead of caring for the girls in their time of need. Separation is traumatic and a life changing event.

You did this and you and you alone are to blame.

I took care of and am still taking care of them as I did since the day they were born. I am raining them the way we planed.

If me doing that is crazy in your la la land.. well I must be the looniest, wackiest and craziest one of the bunch.


don't ever call me crazy of sick again. Get help or better advise."

I left it at that and no response. Some truth arrows and what do I have to lose. Nada.

X-SIL did message me (first time in 7 months). Saying she had something to tell me later that night and she was so happy I am with the girls and keeping them stable. Loves me for the man I am (her own father bailed on her and my Ex when their mom went MLC.)

That night .. no call, no text , no message.
My worst fear is ex-FIL has passed on. He is suffering from terminal cancer. We haven't seen him since last fall. The girls were so upset seeing him sick and angry at his own daughter because she is repeating history. I haven't called him since Xmas.. and they never reached out to me after that.

i'm thinking I should. will talk it over with the girls.

hope everyone is well

Irish