The rest is just MLC white noise and par for thr course. I'm not surprised by W's antics/behaviors for she doesn't want the responsibility that comes with being a mother and wife. Nope. Isn't interested at all.
Hi Brubeck, I have just been reading through your thread and wanted to add my thoughts, because that's what we are all here for right - for support and and help getting us through this.
It seems to be that you are taking on responsibility for sorting out your w MLC! if you try to do this you will end up having a breakdown, seriously.
Anyway, as I was saying, please please try to separate yourself from what your w is doing and saying. It is coming from a very confused place inside her, what she feels and is thinking right now is REAL to her, it may not be rational and sane to us, but to her it is and that is where detaching yourself from her crazy will help you. If you take everything she says and does to heart and as gospel then she will break you and none of us here want to see that happen.
Everyone has been giving you some great advice, you have some very wise people who have walked in your shoes help you find a way for YOU to survive this and hopefully come out the other side stronger and healthier in yourself (hard to imagine at this point I know).
Don't try and work out what is going on in your w head and why she says and does what she is, it will change daily and right now she is trying everything and anything to avoid dealing with her issues. As hard as it is you really need to let her go and discover that the grass is not greener and stop protecting her from finding out that it isn't. This is her journey to take on her own, this is one of those occasions you cannot help her.
What you can do is help yourself and your kids through this time.
Your doing great in such a challenging and confusing situation, allow us to guide you through and take in what advice you are being given. We all push against it in the beginning, but once you let go a bit and allow the universe to take care of your w and you start to take care of you, life will become easier promise.
I am telling her to put money in to the savings account because since her MLC she went and withdrew $2300 from savings without discussing anything with me to buy new furniture.
I've also had to move $600 out of savings into checking TWICE to cover monthly health insurance for the family because of a low checking balance on account of all her impulse spending: paying for dinner for her MLC friends and buying plenty of things that have never been put to use - clothes, diet pills, exercise gear, shoes, etc. She even wired $60 to OM once.
W has not worked in 11 years and she has not managed our money in 13 years. Doesn't know anything about our financial situation. She wasn't responsible with money before her MLC, she sure isn't going to learn now. She's not sinking my ship.
M: 49, W: 45 T: 22 M: 15 S14, S11, S9 BD: Jan '16 W files: Oct '16 D final: June '18
I've searched the boards to see if this is covered elsewhere and I didn't find anything.
As part of her MLC, my W has already rewritten the entire history of our M in her mind. Now she is rewriting the history of things I did just the day before.
I continue to detach. When I'm at home I leave her alone, and deal exclusively with the kids while she's usually on the phone in our bedroom. I engage her only when needed and only about the kids or household needs. I never initiate any personal conversation or try to figure out what she wants. I don't do nice things for her proactively, I only respond in kind to her requests when she makes them.
When I make accommodations, she tells her MLC friends or OM that I did something in the opposite direction. If I make a mistake with some task, she tells them of it as something I did intentionally and something I did specifically just to hurt or bother her. She keeps quiet to me about it, but she rants often on the phone to her MLC friends and OM.
I should also mention that W periodically picks some random part of our M and tells OM her rewritten version. Does this keep her "rewriting skills" fresh and sharp?
Is this common for someone in MLC to rewrite the history of something that just freaking happened?
M: 49, W: 45 T: 22 M: 15 S14, S11, S9 BD: Jan '16 W files: Oct '16 D final: June '18
It's the new normal for the MLC-er. Rewriting history is a way of life for them. It provides them with justification for behavior, which, down deep, they know is just plain wrong and hurtful.
Continue to detach and focus on yourself and your kids. Consider yourself the new curator for the truth in terms of your family's history museum of memories.
I worked especially hard to allow my kids a chance to discuss any and all family memories. When one parent heads off to Crazyville, it makes it even more important that the remaining parent validate the family memories, otherwise even the kids will begin to think they are crazy and imagined the good stuff.
It's painful, but another validation that your W just isn't all there right now and you can't count on her to be rational in the land of the living.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
Please stick to one thread at a time until you reach 100 postings/replies. This allows the posters to follow your situation from the beginning and also helps you to see your progress and refer back to your postings/replies. The more threads a poster puts on the forum, the more the responders will need to figure out which one is the most current, etc.
Also, you can change your subject line within a thread at any time.
I've searched the boards to see if this is covered elsewhere and I didn't find anything.
As part of her MLC, my W has already rewritten the entire history of our M in her mind. Now she is rewriting the history of things I did just the day before.
I continue to detach. When I'm at home I leave her alone, and deal exclusively with the kids while she's usually on the phone in our bedroom. I engage her only when needed and only about the kids or household needs. I never initiate any personal conversation or try to figure out what she wants. I don't do nice things for her proactively, I only respond in kind to her requests when she makes them.
When I make accommodations, she tells her MLC friends or OM that I did something in the opposite direction. If I make a mistake with some task, she tells them of it as something I did intentionally and something I did specifically just to hurt or bother her. She keeps quiet to me about it, but she rants often on the phone to her MLC friends and OM.
I should also mention that W periodically picks some random part of our M and tells OM her rewritten version. Does this keep her "rewriting skills" fresh and sharp?
Is this common for someone in MLC to rewrite the history of something that just freaking happened?
