I agree with others on the anger - try to release your H and accept he will do what he will do when he will do it. Anger is pent up emotion that wants to release. It's best to take responsibility for it and release it in your own ways - ie: not directing it at anyone, just getting it out. I sometimes used to throw stuff across the room as hard as I could - but it was always something soft that didn't do any harm, primal screams in the car, punch pillows and so on.
As for the potential D, I would just do what feels best for you and what is the right path in your heart. Don't worry about him taking responsibility (you don't get to control him after all) - just be responsible for your own life and make choices that best work for you.
Hope you enjoyed your special day :)xx
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
KML you really had me chuckle! I might actually do that.
Speaking with my IC yesterday made me realised that there is no trust from my side towards H, that even if in an ideal world H and I get back together there is no guarantee that H won't stay again! He went back to OW when he got given a second chance!
Despite still having feelings for him, I don't think I can get over what he did and I have always told myself that an affair would be a deal breaker for me. So I guess I was chickening out from making the right decision for me! I don't really see a future with him and us as a family. I' m starting to appreciate my time with my kids.
Hi Rouky, just been catching up on your situation. Sorry I missed wishing you a happy birthday on time. Sending you belated wishes now!
It sounds like your counselling sessions are really working well and helping you to see clearly about how you really feel towards your H.
I love Job's suggestion of using your anger to do jobs you've been putting off. I always find I get really stuck into big household jobs when I'm angry too.
Not sure about the weekend activity for your D. I have wondered how this sort of thing works myself. Both my S and D do activities on a Saturday which I have always taken them to and from, even before my H left. It is very tricky now that your H seems to have already discussed it with your D! I can understand you feeling reluctant to 'have' to take her when he has arranged it and also not wanting to look like that bad guy. Does your D seem to very keen on doing it?
Thank you very much everyone for my birthday wishes. Been feeling pretty good the last couple of days. Work is busy and I'm tired but in all I'm content with my situation.
Nothing to say about H and his demands about me taking the kids to cobs on my days.
Getting excited as my new garden is looking like a bomb site, so ask for a garden to help me to tidy and take it from here. Then I'll gradually make changes in the house!
Still hurt to see H so I have decided to unsubscribe from dating website! I realise that I'm not ready yet to date. Nice to go for a drink but I don't think I'm emotionally ready. Also call me old fashion but I have always met exes through friends and even if people are saying that it's the way forward I don't believe in it.
GAL is looking good for next week when kids are away with H! I need to rediscover myself. Today one of my friends asked me what I like to do and I couldn't answer her, so it's time to seriously shift back the focus on what I want/ like or discover new hobbies.
Bonjour Rouky, Happy belated birthday. And I'm so sorry about what happened in Nice and all the terror your country and people have experienced. Best wishes.
Is there still a chance you and H might reconcile? If so, then I hope you can learn to trust again. It's not easy, and I find there is a bit of post-traumatic stress (PTSD) going on, but you can do it.
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
Thank you NYGal. It is indeed terrible as nobody deserve to lose their life this way. Unfortunately this kind of things just make you realise how short life can be.
I don't post much here as nothing is really happening in my life, I do read others posts but feel I don't have any advice to offer as everyone seems to have at least some kind of interaction with their WAS, it's not my case. So to answer your question I don't think there is any possibility of reconciliation as I can feel and see by H's actions that it's over. I'm gradually accepting it and moving on with my life. This doesn't mean that I don't love him, and it only means that I'm not putting my life on hold for someone who doesn't love me.
Talking with friends are making me realise that everyone deserves to be happy even H. Maybe OW is better suited for him ( I'm truly starting to believe it), and that I have married the wrong man. Her and him have a lot more in common. The hurt is that H betrayed me when he should have left me.
Other than that kids are away abroad with H, so I have lined up some activities for me everyday. Now I'm leaving my love life to God, and let the future unfolds.
Hi Rouky, I have no interaction with XH at all! And I think we all have different things to offer. The very fact that you are accepting and moving on - something that is hard to do - can be learned from.
It is a good realisation that even H deserves to be happy. I am trying to come to a point of balance when I look back at our M. Much of it was good. I didn't like the ending, but I accept that anyone can choose not to be with someone any longer and I try not to hold on to the hurts caused by the ending.
I'm glad you have some nice activities arranged. This is a good time to discover/rediscover those things that Rouky enjoys.
Take care my friend xx
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Here is what I wrote on a newcomer's post, as I feel so strong about it. I'm about to end the phase of being angry and enter acceptance.
#2692031 - 2 minutes 56 seconds ago Re: Being good at disagreement [Re: mustardseed] Rouky Offline Member
Registered: 06/02/15 Posts: 1166 The real gem in our situation is that we are working on us, to make us a better, to be who we truly are. I have met so many people who aren't taking ownership of their participation in the break up of their marriage, and I'm sure that they'll reproduce the same in their next relationship or they will go for the same person.
Even though BD is hard because we have to accept our responsibility and learn from it, as it is a journey that we would have never started if it had not been forced on us. JJB I'm 16 months post BD and only now I'm realising my share in the end of my marriage. I saw who I had become and now I'm making the changes for myself. I was expecting H to make me happy and deal with my issues, whereas now I understand all along I buried my head in the sand, and was expecting it to go away. God has given me a change to work on me and to become who I'm supposed to be. It is probably to the expense of my marriage but I believe I had to be smacked really hard to realise it.
Some people ( us here) will be better equipped in our next relationship whereas our H will not have grown like we did because they see nothing wrong with them.
JJB we will come out of this tunnel a better person and the right person will come along. My H has been brought by his mum and 3 sisters and had everything done for him, whereas like you I was brought up to be independent. It's a different bringing up and I didn't truly understand what compromises were/ are. I know for sure that I won't repeat it in my next relationship.
