So why I'm still holding on to the rope: because I'm scared to be on my own and be single for the rest of my life, so by over analysing H's actions it gives me hope.
Rouky, I understand some of your fears. I remember being scared being on my own for the rest of my life. Not that I was scared begin without H in the house for some time (he traveled a lot, so did I), but for my life being incomplete and sad without H. And it was for a while. I had 4 year BD anniversary a couple of weeks ago, so I’ve been here for a long time. Only now I’m starting to really live my life like H is not coming back. It takes more time for some people to recover from the rejection, betrayal and loss of a spouse. I’m sure this moment will come for you, maybe not as fast as you would like it to.
I know the limbo feeling very well. I’m kind of in a similar situation, as my H has not filed and doesn’t look like he intends to. I’ve come a long way, I’m independent and don’t need H for anything in my life (not saying that I would not love him to do the house work, LOL), but I’m still holding onto that rope… And sometimes I don’t even know why. I’m also questioning and analyzing a lot about why H is not filing, but doing just the opposite now – trying to maintain some joint accounts, which he was ready to drop 4 years ago.
So, I would say, there is always hope. But, the life should not stop for you. I agree with job, keep discovering what is good for you, what you enjoy, take care of yourself.
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
H has texted me to ask for one of the kids to do an activity on Saturdays and if I would take her when it is my weekend. Now I don't really want to do it as I feel it's my weekend and I'm entitled to do what I want with my kids and I also know that can be done another day of the week. My kid already tried it last year but her coach said she really wasn't into it, so I guess it'll be a waist of my money. So need a third perspective ( I have given up saving my marriage), am I being unreasonable telling H no as my weekend with the girls are how I see fit, or am I being a meany there! If kid was to like it I'd not mind but I'm not too sure about it. Any thoughts?
Well, if I were in your shoes, I would remind my h that this particular weekend is your weekend to do things w/your children. His "activities" should and can be done on his weekend visitation. If you start switching up visitation days, it could get very confusing and then you won't be able to make plans on your respective weekends w/the children. I would be nice and also businesslike and tell him to reschedule his "activities" for his schedule time period and then let it go.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Thank you job. This activity will mean that my kid would have to attend it every Saturday when it's my weekend as well as his weekend. What annoys me is that my kid just mentioned it to me and it sounds like to her like a done deal, so if o say no I'll look like the bady!
On another note, despite child access scheduled in deed of separation H has decided not to see kids as he saw them over the weekend! I'd like to remind myself that he is the one to have drawn the access! Boy he is really on another planet! I guess now he can bad mouth about me to OW!
Tomorrow is my birthday, last year despite me reaching a milestone H got me something from the girls! This time nothing, so I'm really tempted to text him to thank him for buying a card for my birthday for the girls to give to me and that it doesn't surprise me that he treats me the same way as the mother of his first child because he is a cheating lying b~s#*¥d! But then again it will give him too much importance! So I'll just vent here! 😀
I think your h should have sat down and discussed the weekend issue w/you before presenting it to the daughter. Well, it's up to you as to how you want to handle this. Do you want to give up your weekends for something he's scheduled? If so, think about this...is he going to pick her up and drop her back off to your place on your weekends? If not, is he going to pay your gas, etc. for you to bring her to whatever the activity is on your weekends? It sounds like he's doesn't care if your weekends are messed up because he wants to do something w/her every weekend or, was this your daughter's idea and she convinced him that it's something she wants to do and knows that if he presents it to "mom", mom will cave rather than say "no" and look like a mean old mom?
I'm going to wish you an early Happy Birthday. If he doesn't have help the girls to get you something, I wouldn't worry too much. He'll have a birthday coming up soon than later and what is good for the goose and good for the gander. LOL!
Enjoy your special day!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Of course not Job! He isn't going to pick her up and bring her back. He just wants to know if I'll take her while it's my weekend! This guy is unreal and I bet he'll tell everyone what a bad mother I am! Also he is taking them away for a holiday soon and he is expecting me to provide the kids with suitcases and clothing!
Wrong again. The old Rouky would have agreed with it but now as it's his holidays with his kids, he'll have to do what single parent do: pack the stuff for their own kids! When I go abroad to see my family I don't ask for his suitcase or the clothing he has for the kids! That man is deluded as why after what he did to me I should be helping him! He wasn't there when I got nearly homeless, so why should I made his life easier!
Guilt is all I can say. Finally texted H telling him what he really thought about him. I needed to do as it was boiling inside me for the last 17 months. I do feel better and feel I have move one step forward! After my text H did get me something on behalf of the kids. I wasn't expecting it, so I thanked him. I have been blessed with my friends today, and it was a huge boost to feel appreciated.
IC session was very interesting as I was very angry. She understands that I want him to pay for what he has done, but she pointed out that all negative energy isn't well used! She also told me that I need to accept what the situation is, then move on! H may never file for D as maybe him and OW are happy as they are. She said I need to do things with dignity and that I should stop wanting H to pay for wharf he has done. She added he'll probably never regret what he has done! On this one I TRULY believe her! So where am I at? I don't really know, only that everyday is getting easier and i feel slightly happier each say. I know for sure I don't want to file as I want H to once in his life to take responsibility for his actions, and it's too expensive. But I don't think I want him back! It's a weird place to be in! I guess I'll leave it to God and enjoy each day as it comes.
Take that anger and negative energy and use it on something you absolutely hate doing, i.e., dusting, packing/unpacking, etc. You'll feel much better applying that energy towards something that you've been putting off. Venting to your h won't do a thing, but justify why he left you.
Keep moving forward.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Hahaha..... If you want him to file, just write to the OW and tell her you just don't understand why he won't file for divorce? Lol. He's probably telling her some story.
Btw, just do whatever is best for YOU in regards to the divorce.
Happiest of birthdays to you, rouky! Hope you were able to get out and enjoy your special day. I know it's a crappy situation and sometimes just feels utterly rediculous, and that pent up negative energy is just bursting to get out!!! Just know that you have so many virtual friends cheering you on cuz you are a superstar!
Me- 30's H- 40's T-10 M-5 I moved out b/c he wanted space- June 15 D filed by H: September 16
